h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Look out in the post my friend.......the mintballs are on their way..........not in tins as promised......but packets

ENJOY!

p.s
If your Queen should ever decide to de-throne you......you can come and live with us.

Welcome aboard the good ship h2g2 from the rapidly listing soon not to be LD.

I take it that our Gallic saviour delivered the much sought after 'magic Email.'

I look forward to Uncle Joe's minty delights. I only hope that certain undersized eating machines do not beat me to the packet.

All offers for alternative accommodation are greatly appreciated and will indeed become necessary should I follow this sentence to its original conclusion. I shall stop right here before it is too late.

May I take this opportunity to welcome you with open arms to my humble space. You will find little here that you have not already read before but in time I shall be renewing my efforts as the unofficial dialysis machine of the film and theatre world.

Yours in folly,

Mad King Ruprecht the Fish: Taking the Piss Since 1970.

I am intrigued beyond belief as to what the intended conclusion to your sentence was........I think I should know.
I am just indulging in a glass of pop and a bag of cheesy wotsits....what a sumptuous life of luxury I lead.

I'm going to Alton Towers on Sunday......sick bags at the ready.....it's gonna be a bumpy ride
Ever
W

I am intrigued beyond belief as to what the intended conclusion to your sentence was........I think I should know.
I am just indulging in a glass of pop and a bag of cheesy wotsits....what a sumptuous life of luxury I lead.

I'm going to Alton Towers on Sunday......sick bags at the ready.....it's gonna be a bumpy ride
Ever
W

I was about to mention something along the lines of cessation of droit de signoire, but of course, as a gentleman of the first order I will not stoop to such petty domestic quibblings.

Alton Towers brings you extremely close to my theatre of operations. 'Tis but a short step from Uttoxeter to the green and pleasent land of Shropshire.

Should you wish to tarry a while and head west I would be more than willing to assist you in finishing off those cheesy wotsits.

A gentleman to the last aren't you?
I will pack a spare bag of wotsits in the picnic box just in case.
My bed beckons......but not until I've watched the last Phoenix Nights (again)
W
x

A gentleman to the point of actual physical deformity.

Any spare wotsits are always welcome in Shropshire where foraging for food is still considered perfectly normal.

Today, I shall be mostly updating my space, watching the letterbox and enjoying the delights of thirty six back to back episodes of The Muppets.

Life is particularly full today as you have no doubt surmised already.

I have purchsed a PC and it should be with me by next Saturday.......isn't technology a wonderful thing?
Now all I have to do is sort out my ISP and Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your cross dressing cousin.
W

Tally ho!

Welcome back to the world of internet nattering.

You will notice that h2g2 is a tad different from the old MSN and LD, inasmuch as there is no such thing as a private messaging forum.

This means that anything written here is subject to the perusal of so called 'lurkers' who will crash through conversations with gay abandon, adding suitable (or unsuitable) additions as they see fit.

(Aside) Is that not right kow?

I imagine that you are well on your way to Alton Towers by now. Please vomit from the Nemesis onto a number of precocious children for me, would you?

Alton Towers tomorrow and I'm soooo giddy about it.
All the delicious things that go into packed lunches have been purchased (smarties,sausage rolls,vimto,flumps and wet wipes(?))all my ironing will be done and put away(Sunday is ironing day usually),the map has been printed from the net,the free tickets are burning a hole in my purse and I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
I am totally shattered though as my other half was late in from work this 3am and I ended up making him fish finger butties(ugh)

I promise to do my best to distribut as much "lung cheese" from the Nemesis as is physically possible....but only because it's you.

And so, once again, I perform an elementary faux pas that underlines my customary lack of attention to detail.

Had I read the stream again before posting I would have noticed that you have already informed me that Sunday was the date of departure.

Still, what sort of world would we be living in if I was to ever start writing with any degree of accuracy?

Regarding the nocturnal preperation of fish finger sandwiches I can only say that it really must be love. Were I asked to do similar at three in the morning, said fish fingers would be lightly browned by wholly alternative means that would call for the intervention of a protologist.

Happy Saturday dear.

As always, it is a pleasure to see you online.

At 3am I was wide awake anyway, busy with my stippling brush and listening to David Gray turned down low,so the fish fingers were a welcome distraction.
Anything arrived in a tatty manilla envelope gummed up with gaffa tape yet?
If not,maybe the postman has scoffed the lot.
Just been reading your Gladiatorial exploits(again).......fantastic

Still no sign of anything minty on the doorstep. I shall inform you immediately upon delivery, or go out in search of a fat, sticky postman with minty-fresh breath.

I am glad that you are able to enjoy Gladiator for a second time. Once I finish a tale I tend to sit back and criticise it to death. By doing so, many of my older works shall die with LD. Or receive a comprehensive rewrite.

In view of the current Telewest climate I have withdrawn completely from their forum. All new material will now appear here.

Hamlet and The Matrix are in the production phase and ought to be ready to inflict on the world before months end. If you missed The Shining then it will be here very soon.

It sounds as though you have been infected with the decorating bug my dear. It will not be long before you start wearing a carpet as a jacket and stapling gingham to the ceiling.

Be afraid....

I have also visited your personal space (although not in the Biblical sense). When do you intend to respond to your other mail?

other mail?

oh.....errr.......I suppose I'd better do that before I get back up my ladder.

I do apologise.

Aye, the messages that appear beneath your introduction.

One from the ACE that will be your guardian angel.

The other from Dragonlady inviting you to join her pets forum.

Just call me Mr Nosey Get if it helps you to relax.

I see that you are well versed in the usage of smilies. So perhaps you can tell me what in God's name a spork is? I have yet to receive an adequate explanation for this ballistic missile looking fellow.



Man the underground shelters!

I think one of those is what we in the north might refer to as "a wimwam for winding't sun up"
This is best said with a pronounced Lancashire accent.!
It is also the word which best describes the contents of a sausage during a drunken conversation............as in
Drunk 1:"Wos this sausage made of...hic!?"
Drunk 2: "Spork......hic,burp"

Nice return.




I see that you have responded to your mail. There are no secrets on here....

Pause for maniacal laughter....

If you click on the name of the sender you will be transported to their personal space to discover more about what makes them tick.

You will also find out what makes them go Cuckoo every hour.

You knew that already, didn't you?

I have been here for about a month and that is the sum total of my knowledge. So, come next week, you will probably be teaching me how to get the most from the system.

*doffs cap and waves*


Hi parrotsketch





*sinks back into the night*

Been having a spot o' bother with the digibox.
We are returned from Alton Towers in one piece and planning to go again one week from this Saturday. I am no longer a Nemesis virgin.............6times I went on....and the new ride , "Air" was out of this world.
Unfortuntely we failed in our mission to "blow chunks" over any of the crowd as we all had particularly strong stomachs that day.
It took a lot of bribery to get Jack on the log flume and runaway mine train but after a while and lots of kicking and screaming we persuaded him to have a go....after that there was no stopping him.
Any signs of the mintballs yet?
W
x

Success!

After a hard night at the office my doorstep was graced with a plain brown wrapper containing some of the most delightfully packaged and individually wrapped completely menthol sweeties that it has ever been my good fortune to taste.

Hannah has already enjoyed several and is adamant that the dog ought to be let in on the act.

Inordinate degrees of thanks and grateful tidings to you for your most kindly gesture. Ee, by eck, them be right minty 'n nay misteck; as they probably do not say in Yorkshire.

Alas, no technicolour snake for the benefit of your fellow Alton Towers patrons. Perhaps an orange juice milkshake ought to be imbibed prior to your next sojourn aboard the Nemesis.

I myself have perfected a technique whilst riding this white-knuckler whereby I am able to defaecate upon my own head with alarming precision.

A rousing Guten Tag to Herr Kow who appears to have discovered this forum. I hope that your troops are prepared for the occupation of the Low Countries.

Once again dear Shafali/ParrotSketch, thank you for your most welcome gift. I shall respond in kind with some truly lamentable locally produced peanut brittle toffee.

With gun and umbrella,