h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would socialise with pukka pies, if only I could. But I am inherently shy, so am afraid to do so. Can you give me any tips on how to meet and begin to socialise with pukka pies? I reccomend you to talk to cacti. They listen to and understand your problems, and they're great listeners.
Madpea:P

The first step in your quest for Pukka Pies with which to socialise, which will be an epic journey of course, is to search for the now-elusive Pukka Pies poster from whence the magical phrase comes. Once found in every fish 'n' chip shop, kebab emporium and burger bar around this blessed land, the poster was a work of art depicting a high-society upper class tart type with accompanying floppy-haired toff in their posh car (a convertible Rolls I seem to remember), both holding small brown cow-pat shaped items in silver trays, (I assume the pies in question), both laughing as if the pies had just shown them how to convince a politician to say something sincere. Obviously, the message is that indeed your life is incomplete without a Pukka Pie, and any night out is a waste of time without this particular brand of offal wrapped in a lard and flour mix, so go ahead, Socialise with Pukka Pies and you too can be a very happy person indeed. Apparently.
On the subject of cacti, yes they're great listeners, but they are also rather aloof, and don't actually care about anything you say. Treat with extreme caution, you don't know who else they're listening to...

Thankyou for the advice; I will keep it in mind. I need someone to talk to at the moment, as the person next to me is constantly playing the same Nickelback song over and OVER AGAIN - I don't have a particular problem with the band in question, but too much is TOO MUCH!!!!!!