h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

justin
i see you was judging me without knowing me 1 thing i do not i repeat do not do. Is pray to got to hurt others .If i said what my belief in god was i would be going straight to hell in your eyes

An open question to those posting here:

Who thinks Justin's lips move when he reads?

Who thinks Justin speaks out loud slowly in a flat, toneless drone while he's typing what he writes here?

It's a mental picture I have.

Can't speak for J but that description fits me...others too I would guess...but not you M eh?

In wandering about the internet and having a look at some of the things Justin is responsible for writing, it becomes more and more apparent that Justin is of the opinion that unless one agrees with everything he says, one is going to go to hell.....

Jusdgin from the number of people who he has condemned because they disagree over the meaning of one word, it seems that Justin is going to be awfully lonely in the afterlife.

It strikes ne that, if Jesus were here today, he'd be destined for hell in Justin's eyes, because he wouldn't agree with Justin's interpretation of his own words.

Having said all this, I leave Justin to his hellfire. I have better things to do. I am off to tame the world as a flaming feminist and doer of good works for the sake of doing good works..... See you all in hell, folks. I'll be the one with the big backside....

No reply to that Mudhooks..'cept take your babywipes with you.

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John:
"Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary:
"Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John:
"If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."
Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John:
"Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."
Me:
"That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary:
"Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me:
"Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John:
"Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me:
"Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"
Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."
Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"
John:
"Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me:
"So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary:
"You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."
Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John:
"My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me:
"Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John:
"Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."
Me:
"So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Me:
"What's that got to do with Hank?"
John:
"Hank has certain 'connections.'"
Me:
"I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John:
"But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit of you."
Me:
"Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."
Mary:
"No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."
Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"
John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."
Me:
"Who's Karl?"
Mary:
"A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"
John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."
** From the desk of Karl **
Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don't use alcohol.
Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.
Me:
"This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."
Mary:
"Hank didn't have any paper."
Me:
"I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."
John:
"Of course, Hank dictated it."
Me:
"I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"
Mary:
"Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."
Me:
"I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"
Mary:
"It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."
Me:
"How do you figure that?"
Mary:
"Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"
Me:
"Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."
John:
"No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."
Me:
"But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."
John:
"There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."
Me:
"Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."
Mary:
"But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."
Me:
"I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."
John:
"Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"
Me:
"We do?"
Mary:
"Of course we do, Item 7 says so."
Me:
"You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"
John:
"Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."
Me:
"But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"
Mary:
She blushes.
John:
"Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."
Me:
"What if I don't have a bun?"
John:
"No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."
Me:
"No relish? No Mustard?"
Mary:
She looks positively stricken.
John:
He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"
Me:
"So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"
Mary:
Sticks her fingers in her ears. "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."
John:
"That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."
Me:
"It's good! I eat it all the time."
Mary:
She faints.
John:
He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."
With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

set reply

I'm skint
Are you the baliff?
works everytime

"cut-wienered kraut eater"
where the hell did you learn that brother/sister?

Justin,

Your vivid description of hell and it's occupants only makes one wonder how you came about having such priviledged information. Do share with me where you got the details of what the occupants of hell are actually screaming. Don't offer me sympathy...it was an experiment and an experience which has brought me closer to hell (as you may imagine it) than you.

yeah lets all reserve a ticket last stop hell chooohooo choooooooo

Boxing,

Where did you get that from?! I am not 'judging' you!!! Jesus said specifically NOT to do that, for various reasons, known to Christians.

BUT it IS the direct instruction from God to His people to DISCERN who is, and who is not, His. And you are not born again of the Holy Spirit of God. Whatever you happen to have DONE in your life is by-the-by; you have never been born again. You are, therefore, unsaved, and still on your way to a lost eternity. It is nothing whatever to do with 'judging'! (Unless you are using a non-Biblical definition of 'judging'. But Christians do what God says, and are not interested in anyone else's standards).

Questin for Justin:

<>

Are you ever going to tell us *how* one is reborn again?

az

Azahar,

The answer to that has been in many of my previous posts, viz. it is entirely the sovereign work of God in someone's life, and you have to seek out the Lord Jesus with all your heart, find Him, and He does the work. It would also help if you went to a church where they preach the pure Word of God in the power of the Spirit (not very common these days).

Justin,

<>

Well, you said in a previous posting that in your church you only welcome the already saved.

Anyhow, I believe that I do live in god, though I don't subscribe to any particular religion. I believe that all religions have good things to say and teach but I have never found one that I could accept 'whole'. Including yours.

This does not make me an enemy of God, you know. I am quite open to the existence of all the gods, so how can I be an enemy of any of them? So please stop calling me insulting names. I have never called you by an insulting name. Though I do find your attitude to be very un-Christian. Most of the Christians I know are very kind and caring people.

az

Azahar,

Almighty God does not believe what you do. He does NOT judge according to your ideas, and He has already said that there ARE no other gods than Himself; He does not know of any.

I do not insult you, I am telling you what God says. Until you are prepared to humble yourself, and honour Almighty God above your own ideas, you will NEVER be saved.

The gospel of Christ is deeply insulting to all who think that they are 'good', and who think all religion to be valid. The Cross of Christ is called, in Scripture, a 'rock of offence'. As I said in my home page post.

"He has already said that there ARE no other gods than Himself; He does not know of any."

Um...

Wasn't one of the Ten Commandments "thou shalt have no other god but me"?

If there are no other gods, what is the point of that commandment? If there are no others, it doesn't make sense to forbid worshipping them, does it? You might just as well have a commandment saying "thou shalt not eat the meat of the pink fluffy six legged unicorn".

Seems a waste of a commandment to me. If he hadn't bothered banning something that you say is impossible anyway, he could have included something more important, like, say, a commandment forbidding feminism or paedophilia.

hi Member,

<>

So now, like Justin, you are lumping paedophiles and feminists together? Many feminists have worked very hard to acheive equal rights for women in the work place and also to take women 'out of the kitchen' and have society treat them as the intelligent and productive people that they are. You have a problem with this? You don't like women having equal social rights? Or perhaps I misunderstood you. Please explain yourself.

az

Seems to me Justin is well able to defend his corner.
The rest of you....well...at least frustration hasn't got the bettter of you yet.

Az your persistent mate, I'll give you that!

justin post 97

this is what you said
>>>I suggest that you do not pray to god to sort them out<<<

see you was judging me without knowing me .stick to the facts

<>

Justin defends his corner by constantly saying 'I'm right and you are wrong'. Say what? This is defending his corner in an able manner?

Justin has told me that I am a sinner and an enemy of God (as well as using other much nastier adjectives about me). I disagree.

Justin constantly spews out a lot of hateful words towards people he does not know personally and so cannot know who they really are - yet he judges them. I also disagree with this.

<>

I'm a Capricorn! Stubborn old goat. Yes, I am persistent and tenatious. I also live in god every day. But Justin tells me that my god is wrong and that I am going to burn for all eternity because I will not embrace His God. I disagree.

And so I continue to debate with him about this.

az