h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A man could quite easily fake an orgasm, especially if he's wearing a condom. All he has to do is thrash about a bit and then collapse. Okay, it might be a bit obvious if oral sex is involved, but them's the breaks.

So...here's a question for both sexes: Is an orgasm essential for good sex?

Depends on the reason you're having sex, I reckon. If you're after a warm, affectionate canoodle, then no. If you're after a lust-fest, yes.

I agree with Snailrind that whether or not orgasm is "necessary" depends on why you're having sex. Sometimes, people just want to get their rocks off, and I imagine in that case orgasm is imperative. If you're in the mood to be affectionate or intimate with someone, I don't think it's necessary at all. Then there are those that person you're affectionate and intimate with makes you all hot and bothered and you want to boink his/her brains out, and while it's perhaps not a "goal", per se, orgasm is an inevitable result.

So, the experts tell us that many women can't even reach orgasm. I wonder how many of those women would, if they and their partner forgot all about making the experience an orgasm-oriented one. Kind of like when you go to the doctor and they need a urine sample, and you just can't pee. If you concentrate TOO hard on forcing something that happens naturally, you just can't make it happen...

I'm sure you're right. It seems thoroughly unfair, though, that some women can have them and some women can't. Female ejaculation intrigues me particularly: do you think that, too, is a case of mind over matter, or is it genetic?

The "some women just can't" thing has always puzzled me. I can totally understand that they might well not be able to with a partner who isn't getting it right, or be screwed up about sex in general, but surely they do DIY? Or even if they are really really too repressed to do that, in my experience, after a certain time you just get the female equivalent of a wet dream, which totally goes to show orgasms are produced more by the brain than any other part of the body.

zdt

If you mean what I think you mean by the female equivalent of a wet dream, then I've never experienced such a thing. Or maybe I've experienced lots of them. I'm wary of getting frank and personal here, as in the past I've managed to horrify whole roomfuls of people with what I thought were pretty bog-standard sexual observations. Let's see if I can put this delicately...

Are we talking a general feeling of loveliness and moisture?
Or waking up to a hot and shuddery kind of bliss?
Or a cataclysmic squirting? ( *Awaits the Iron Fist of Moderation.*)

>I'm wary of getting frank and personal here, as in the past I've managed to horrify whole roomfuls of people with what I thought were pretty bog-standard sexual observations<

I've managed to do that too, with observations about various and sundry things. I don't think any of us have said anything that might breach the Rules- but one man's tasteful is another man's obscene, so I apologize in advance if I get us all in trouble.

That said, it was my understanding that women who were incapable of experiencing orgasm were incapable of doing so DIY as well. Though I've heard in some women it's physiological, I lean toward Terri's observation that in at least a large number of those women, it's at the very least unconscious repression.

Regarding female nocturnal emissions- I'd say the third option Snailrind detailed seems less likely than the first and second. I can't say, personally- I usually wake up having to pee so bad I wouldn't notice much else.

According to that book Women on Top (which of course I would never personally read, but a *friend* of mine has read it from cover to cover), there are women who can't orgasm except through DIY, and there are others who can't unless there is another person present. Horses for courses - but then that's a whole different preference in itself...

I can understand needing another person there: it is a bit like learning how to tickle yourself, and, of course, the angles are rather awkward. My friend says.

Again, being horrifyingly frank and personal...

Although my favourite sexual act has always been one which normally delivers an orgasm to the woman rather than the man , I'd never really thought about whether the male orgasm was essential. They just came naturally. However, since I've been taking a drug called Venlafaxine...less so. But you know what? It *doesn't* matter!

(For clarification, all the bits still work, but they don't always deliver).

Whether or not the festivities culminate in heaving and howling orgasms isn't all that big a deal to me, either, as long as everyone involved is enjoying his or herself.

Howling, eh?

"Whether or not the festivities culminate in heaving and howling orgasms isn't all that big a deal to me, either, as long as everyone involved is enjoying his or herself."

...you say that now, but it does become just a bit more of an issue(pun not really intended....) when things get going, non?

Well, only really in the sense that an orgasm is usally a good stopping point- if you're of the male persuasion, anyway. I don't mind not having one, personally, nor would I be offended if my partner didn't. But I certainly don't mind when it does happen.

I'm reminded of Billy Connolly's words:
"Only a 'kin catholic priest could have written their handbook on birth control: 'At the point of ejaculation, withdraw.'...a team of wild 'kin horses couldn't get me to withdraw!"

But the way my equipment sometimes works is that it's plodding along quite happily...but the fireworks don't go off. I mean, it's still a good party, just no signal to tell me when to go home.

(Have I 'Shared Too Much' again? )

i could count on one hand the amount of times my most recent ex came, it didnt bother me much at first, but after a while it really started to get to me, i got to the point where i didnt really rise to the occasion much, i think it started to make me think i was the problem. she never really got 'ready' either, it was all a bit of a nightmare..

the girl i'm with now is the complete opposite.... and i love it! sometimes she gets there first, and i agree, it doesnt really bother me if i get there or not...although she tends to get a bit frustrated if i go all selfish and race to the end... ho-hum...
mostly though, i'm quite happy to leave it at that and get to feel good in the sense of 'tis better to give than to recieve'..... so long as it's not all the time..

funny things, humans.... and dolphins and bonobos too i understand...

As far as I'm concerned, there's no such thing as "Sharing Too Much", among friends. Though I can be a bit reticent in online fora.

For me, not being able to get "ready" would be more of a problem than not reaching orgasm- attempting maneuvers one is not ready for can be areally chafing experience. I wouldn't think that lack of "readiness" on the part of a woman would be anyone's "problem", per se... perhaps just an indication that she's not into her partner- which isn't necessarily any fault of said partner. These things happen.

I like to get there first several times if at all possible.

By the way...there's a little bit on female nocturnal emissions in my Entry on Effluvia.

I've only seen them in the movies myself, and I never did find out exactly what they're composed of. I think I'm right in thinking that the female glands that produce some of the lubricants mutate in the male foetus to give the prostate which produces the carrier fluid for the wee wriggly fellas. But I'm not aware of any suitable resevoir area in women capable of building up enough for a decent squirt...and I'm not even sure they have a a cremaster muscle.

Unfortunately I can't get away with googling 'female naughty bits' at work.

I didn't mean squirting stuff, just having naughty dreams that end up in you coming in reality (which tends to wake you up in the process!)

zdt

Thanks for the clarification, Terri.

Edward, a fascinating Wikipedia entry on the subject of female ejaculation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_ejaculation.