Journal Entries
personal truths
Posted Aug 4, 2002
well isnt it grand when you see your own personal truths...how you cope, where you are, what your life has been...dont want to drift through it anymore....thats all i really wanted to say its a big world out there
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Latest reply: Aug 4, 2002
2 days left
Posted Mar 29, 2002
i am leaving in two days for peterborough, to be reunited with my dog, and my parents. my journey here is not a regretful one, i just wish that i could have had a little more control over the situation in which has caused me to have to go back. i hope that the children will always know that they can count on me, and that i didnt ever want to be out of their lives. and the fact that i will be so far away doesnt stop them from running to me when they need help. i had never wanted to have children, until i was put into a situation in which i had become an instant mom, now i dont want to leave because of them. i know that they are in good hands, and that they wont be hurt, but they live in a crazy family, and i think that vanessa, the girl sees that. nick is going to take a while to learn the lessons in life. he is lazy, and will probably depend on someone his whole life to take care of things for him. i dont ever want to live in disappointment again. that was the big thing in the relationship i was in. the person i was with was always able to get what she wanted no matter at what cost. and the pain that i feel because of it, i hope that there is someone out there for me that is responsible, loving, caring, and with a good heart. she was right about one thing, i did settle for her, and i wont make that mistake again.well it looks like i dont have much room left. i am glad that i have been able to talk with her sister, and that i will still be able to see the children when i like, i also hope that my ex will be able to face what she has done, and smartens up, and lets her family back in her life. no matter how far you go, you have to be able to somehow keep your family in your life. i almost lost mine because of the relationship i was in, and you cant afford to have those that brought you into this world, out of your life, whether you like them or not.take care wildiris
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Latest reply: Mar 29, 2002
winding down for the move
Posted Mar 25, 2002
just winding down from my whole ottawa experience. getting ready for my move to peterborough. cant wait to have some down time, time to be with myself, and build new friendships. that is part of the reason why i started on the computer, it is the new way to connect with new and interesting people. right now i am open to having discussions about anything, but dont know where to begin, so a helping hand would be nice. i am a painter at heart, love music, theatre, and the whole creative process. i have spent most of my working years in restaurants, or private residences cooking, serving, and being general help, if that is what it took to get a job. i am a very hard worker, and can sometimes get lost in working. i am a capricorn, so i guess that would explain that. i can be too responsible sometimes, and that can get in the way of me having real fun, but i have been learning to just let life take me where i need to be. i havent travelled the world over, but am hoping to leave canada one day to see the sights. i will get there, when i get there... my life so far has been a wonderful learning experience, and it can only get better.. doesnt everything get better with age? well will be back soon. take care wildiris
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Latest reply: Mar 25, 2002
sleeplessness
Posted Mar 23, 2002
4:30 in the morning and cant sleep. my body is weighed with a cold, cant breathe out of one nostril, and my mind will not stop running. had to get it out somewhere. why can people be such cowards? still angry that someone that i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with could have an affair. know that i will not be able to get the answers to the questions that i have because she refuses to even discuss, or communicate about any of the issues. just one day asking me to marry her, again. and the next moving all her stuff out to be with her new love. coping over all quite well. just quite confused at times. moving back home with the parents after 11 years of flying the coop. will be an interesting experience. have learned alot in the past few months, about myself. will never make the mistakes that i made in that relationship again. you find out the true nature of people when they are confronted with a stressful situation. how they deal with the situation tells you alot about them. i have had the opportunity to be able to see her real character, and wonder what i ever saw in her in the first place. well the negativity can move on now and on to bigger and better things. like learning to live my life. well this has made me tired enough to be able to go to sleep i hope. at least i know that i can do what is right, for myself, and my loved ones. take care wildiris
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Latest reply: Mar 23, 2002
wildiris
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