h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Watching the film *Go*...any of you Hollywood freaks out there won't know it...

But there is a classic moment, where this pretentious small child wanders into the adjoining hotel room to his (and his non-observant parents), and asks the guys who are in it...
"What'cha doing?"

And the ginger British guy (who's on the phone) turns round, squints and says :

"Raping small children"

I hope it's not wrong to find that funny...

"Go"? I think I've heard of it, actually.

Lalalala....I'm bored.

Yep, me too. And my arse hurts.And I am hungry.

Well, I'm well fed, in a comfortable chair, and avoiding doing any actual work while at work. I always put my computer screen facing a wall, so no one can come up behind me and check to see if I'm actually doing work or surfing/posting. That way, I can get away with surprising amounts of goofing off without anyone noticing.

Ah, we sound like two peas in a pod. I Used to do stuff like that in school...

I'm just sat at home, contemplating starting chapter 17 which is waiting on my left-on WP in my room...thinking of grilled chicken and how I can incorperate that into a late-night meal...

Late night? What time is it over on that side? It's just before 4pm here.

Ooh heck. You're a FOREIGNER!

It's 23:52 here...

Well, yes, how did you think I knew so much about California? I live about an hour away from Los Angeles, where you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

I keep on getting people mixed up with others...cr*p memory...

Either that, or I'm thick...

Don't feel bad. I tend to remember useless things like that about people, while forgetting more important things like their names and why I know them.

Well, I always recognise the names...it's just the where they are/who they are thing. Because h2g2 is such a non-discriminative place, you don't immediately think of those minor details.

Since I last replied, I have had two boiled eggs, a packet of crisps and trawled through backlog on someone elses userspace...

Since I last replied, I cleaned my desk at work, drove home, and took off my shoes.

Ah the things to happen in an hour.

WHat's it like where you live? Tell me details (I have a slight obsession with American culture that I can't quite kick)...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored...bored!

Well, I've never known anything else, so I don't really know what culture shocks you might have. I guess the most striking thing about Southern California is a materialistic obsession. Where I live isn't so bad, but down in LA you're not anything unless you're good looking and rich. People spend lots of money to look wealthy, especially by driving large, wasteful, expensive cars.

Okay, your turn. What's it like where you live? Other than boring?

Ok, so I'm not really bored, I'm just avoiding starting a new chapter. Writing about a post-kiss atmosphere is too hard...

Ok. So we have all these tiny Lego-land houses, yellow streetlights, and cramped streets. The streetsigns are metal and close to the ground at the end of the road - with the postcode on. Um. My road has terraced houses up until a point, and then neat little houses like kids draw. No front gardens, just concrete. Um. It's all very middle class, with the teen boys either being geeks or arrogant sh*ts that drink on the street corners.The teen girls are either plain and awkward, or they put too many chemicals in their hair (which results in it being as stiff as cardboard) wear too much make up, and smoke/have sex from an early age. In the centre of Bristol it's pretty trendy - lots of professional twenty-somethings with too much cash to spend on drugs and plush apartments. But there's lots of scope for jazz music, poetry and artists. Lots of trendy clubs. Not many alternative places to go. Lots of comedy clubs and good restaurants too. The heart of Bristol is skwered by a dirty brown river. There are also loads of old warehouses and churches and medival relics. The sh*t area's are sh*t - we have one of the UK's top urban ghetto's here (and it's not a black area)...and up until I was 12, I lived in a lot of the bad area's. On the whole, people are reserved, the public service is OK, and there are plenty of places to take your kids.

That do? Occupied my time quite nicely. I was just about to add another sentence when my mind went blank...

Ah, I forgot you were a writer. Let me see here...*cracks knuckles*

Ventura is a medium town in Southern California, just the right size to realize that it is not yet a "big city" nor any longer a "small town." My house is a mass-produced model whose only feature distinguishing it from its neighbors is its low quality and poor workmanship. On three sides the neighborhood is surrounded by farming areas, worked by migrant workers. The days are warm as only Southern California can be in December, the nights rarely cold.

The most apparent feature of Ventura is its complete lack of character. Other towns may have a sense of community, or purpose, or have a town center or gathering place; Ventura has none of these. It is as if the very buildings themselves have sat down and refuse to move into any logical or visually pleasing arrangement. Ventura has no music scene, few clubs, and the few bars around cater to late middle-aged people trying to hang on to escaping youth like so many grains of sand slipping through a person's fingers. Even the beaches are halfhearted, the sand looking like what one might find on the banks of a dirty lake.

Remind me to stop by some time!! Sounds like a right dive...



And you live there...why? I my home town, but I can't wait to escape it and come over to the US...

Well, I live in this area because this was the only place I could find a job. I don't know how it is in the UK, but around here the job market for engineers is pretty thin right now, especially if you're fresh out of college like I am. The only other options would have been to try my luck in LA or San Francisco, neither of which I would have wanted to live/work in due to the traffic.

Well, if you have a job you enjoy doing, I suppose it doesn't matter *where* you live. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in the opposite track - no job, not likely to get a decent one, but in an excellent city...

Are you sure there aren't any good points about your area?

Well, if you like Mexican food, then this is a haven for you. The large Mexican population guarantees that. And Ventura's just far enough away from Los Angeles that you can't quite smell the pollution yet.