Journal Entries
jayne loosing weight
Posted Nov 25, 2001
My sister ( jayne ) has lost loads of weight - it makes me sick . She's gone from average to quite thin . She only eats one meal a day and it is making me look so fat - her being all skinny . Thing is I'm not exactly disgusted by my body - I think its fine , in comparision I am a heffer and the competition is pissing me off . I can't eat 1 meal aday I would get all hungry . I made a resolution to be more healthy but finding the time to excersise is a pain in the ass . AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGH - this is making me feel fat!
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Latest reply: Nov 25, 2001
sunday after the tuesday
Posted Nov 25, 2001
Hiya . I feel I ought to tell you what has been happening during the week - Adam and Tamsin nearly split up but they are together again now . It must be me , nut long relaitionships like that bore me - you just thing - hell split up will you!!!! you are what, 15 years old - you should split up after a year at this age its a well known fact !
The weekend has been so - so - mock exams perilously near .
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Latest reply: Nov 25, 2001
Tue - 20 nov
Posted Nov 20, 2001
hello anyone who is reading this . I am the sort of person who keeps a diary - so what better to put in my journal than a diary of thoughts etc . It's funny i would never let anyone I know read my diary ever ever ever but with complete strangers it seems ok . I don't know you and you don't know me . I would never let anyone I know read this , but I don't know any of you . Most of the people I know won't go on this site so I'm sure I'm pretty safe .
Tue 20 nov
Today has been much better than yesterday . I got my exam timetable today and I will have loads of free time during my mocks which is really cool .
RE was good today and I still completely fancy micheal though he really isn't my type . I usually go for lanky long haired slightly strange indie types but fyke is really normal ( and really attractive compared to most of the people I go out with) . I guess we have a lot in common , though today he broke one of my ' men commandments' by confessing to liking scary movie !!!! I hate that film with a vengence!! but otherwise his taste in films is good so I can forgive him this once !
Natalie is still a bitch and I really put my foot in it today when I started going on about how stupid stars are ( well how stupid it is to pay to have one named after you - I mean what can you do with it - take if or walks go there for a holiday - I don't think so !!! Who wants to by a ball of burning gas !!! I think I'm going to start selling plots on URANUS - could be a good money spinner !!!)
She argued with me for ages - waaargh my nan has a sttar named after her blagh blagh blagh . She really does my head in - and she has been following simon around everywhere , and I know I'm being really possesive and pathetic which I shouldn't be , but it's like she's spending all her time with MY BEST FRIEND . It's annoying - if it was anyone else I don't think I'd care - but there you go !
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Latest reply: Nov 20, 2001
Tue - 20 nov
Posted Nov 20, 2001
hello anyone who is reading this . I am the sort of person who keeps a diary - so what better to put in my journal than a diary of thoughts etc . It's funny i would never let anyone I know read my diary ever ever ever but with complete strangers it seems ok . I don't know you and you don't know me . I would never let anyone I know read this , but I don't know any of you . Most of the people I know won't go on this site so I'm sure I'm pretty safe .
Tue 20 nov
Today has been much better than yesterday . I got my exam timetable today and I will have loads of free time during my mocks which is really cool .
RE was good today and I still completely fancy micheal though he really isn't my type . I usually go for lanky long haired slightly strange indie types but fyke is really normal ( and really attractive compared to most of the people I go out with) . I guess we have a lot in common , though today he broke one of my ' men commandments' by confessing to liking scary movie !!!! I hate that film with a vengence!! but otherwise his taste in films is good so I can forgive him this once !
Natalie is still a bitch and I really put my foot in it today when I started going on about how stupid stars are ( well how stupid it is to pay to have one named after you - I mean what can you do with it - take if or walks go there for a holiday - I don't think so !!! Who wants to by a ball of burning gas !!! I think I'm going to start selling plots on URANUS - could be a good money spinner !!!)
She argued with me for ages - waaargh my nan has a sttar named after her blagh blagh blagh . She really does my head in - and she has been following simon around everywhere , and I know I'm being really possesive and pathetic which I shouldn't be , but it's like she's spending all her time with MY BEST FRIEND . It's annoying - if it was anyone else I don't think I'd care - but there you go !
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Latest reply: Nov 20, 2001
Exams
Posted Nov 18, 2001
Perhaps I should keep checking , there’s loads of time left I must have done something wrong , but I’ve already checked it five times , will another make that much difference ? What if I check it again , and in my paranoia I change an answer that was already right? Perhaps another check would prove detrimental to my overall grade ? How much is this exam worth anyway 45 -50% ? 50% in these two hours that's 25% per hour or what , about 0.5% per minute - that's not very much is it . I sometimes think it isn’t really fair to judge a person on the way they perform in one exam - I mean they might be not well ,or tired . A pen might leak all over the place and then what - denied access to university because of a leaky pen ! Imagine that , the course of your life dictated by the state of your biro ! lalala.
I like this you know - this part of the exam. The bit where you know you’ve done all that you can do, and all that is left is just to sit and think . Bathe in the silence , stare out of the window-into the sunshine . I’m glad the sun is shining , it’s a good omen .I heard somewhere that sunshine releases endorphins into the skin , which makes you feel better . The same as what heroin does , only much much less . I guess it’s a symbol of postivity - it’s a metaphor for a bright future ! Hey that's good , I should write that in my paper somewhere !
The word metaphor is bound to impress them though , maybe I should out it on the front of my paper where my name is . Candidate ‘ Michelle ‘metaphor’ Johnson ‘ that would show them . Infact then, they wouldn’t have to read the whole paper - just the front - and then give me an A straight away . Maybe I would get extra marks for sense of humour ? Probably not examiners tend to be rather anal . I wonder where that term comes form , anal , I mean apart from the obvious ! When you describe someone as anal - what do you really mean ? ‘You are a hole from out of which waste is excreted’ ? I’m sure it doesn’t mean that ! It’s a good insult though - maybe they could use it in politics - I can just imagine the Ian what's-his-face telling the Pm he is a hole from out of which waste products are excreted !!
Politics doesn’t really interest me , I mean they’re all the same aren’t they - public schoolboys playing parliament . I’m sure I could do a better job !
I wonder what job I will get - I’d rather do sometihng I enjoy than something that pays well . I guess I have the brains to do whatever I want -but what ? Where do I get my info from ?
I saw the careers officer the other week and said ‘ I dunno ‘ . He said ‘ what about teaching ? ‘ so I said what about it ! I don’t think I really came across well , but I didn’t like the look of him . He was rather patronising , ‘ what about nursing’ he said then ( and this was the last straw ) ‘what about childcare’ . I was about to say, ‘ look at my GCSEs do they look like childcare grades ? I decided to go one better and said in all earnestness ‘ I want to fall in love , have a family,and have three girls and three boys’ I don’t think he knew whether I was serious or not . I wish I hadn’t have said that now , I mean I could do with some advice now . Looks like I made a mess of that as well - he will probably send me on a GNVQ on falling in love .
20 minutes - hell that's a long time . Everyone else is still writing - it makes me wonder whether or not my paper is inadequate . I would continue making additions , but I really feel that mine is sufficient - I have said all I need to say .They do say brevity is wit . I don’t know who said that - who the mysterious ‘they’ are . If brevity is wit I guess that would make silence absolutley
hilarious !
I think the silence I am sat in here is absolutely the best silence , its not empty or barren , it’s completely full . I wish I knew what it was full of - what everyone else is thinking . I wonder if other people are sat confidently looking toward that sunshine future - or busy with a private paranoia . Exam silences always seem to be saturated with thoughts - it makes them seem less like silence . If I was going to be completely artistic or philosophical I could compare it to music - a symphony of thoughts and dreams , hopes and fears . That's probably a little pretentious - but why not create something exciting out of the mundane - surely this is a more positive way to live ?
This silence is refreshing though , it’s not like any other silence . It’s not like a funeral silence , a few grave coughs to wave someone off . It’s not arkward either , like the silence between two people who have been married since forever . Or ‘first date’ silence - where the clacking of forks in pizza hut brings welcome relief for two strangers who don’t know where to start . There’s a real tangible energy to this silence , it makes me feel motivated . I want to stop time - use Bernard's watch to go dancing in and out of the tables . I wish I could really stare into someone’s eyes - delve into what they are thinking . Decode facial expression - posture - to properly investigate emotion . Maybe I could jump on the magic school bus ( remember that ? ) and take a ride through the pupils , the cornea- into the brain . See if their thoughts are the same as mine . You know - I feel so optimistic for the future . Not just my future but everybody’s future . THE FUTURE FULL STOP . I wish I knew what everyone was going to do with their lives . We have so much to look forward to - we could do anything ! . There is so much to do , so much to experience - I really can’t wait . I’m almost bursting with anticipation - out of those creaky wooden doors is a big fat dollop of LIFE .
stop writing please
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Latest reply: Nov 18, 2001
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