h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Then where are we?

On the moon?

'Scuse my ramblings, I'm waaaaaay past the point of no return to sanity.


Id

hehehehehe

who cares?

hehehehehe

fun fun fun

blarughah.

harumph.

Id

???

skudydf;oashodfsisn;avaAJ AVNOAkasnv o;ihsang;aSD fgas!!!!!

blarugah.

and similar sentiments.

Id

boumnnoudnoupa

pfft

argh

doof

let's go shoot the gallant doof . . . please?

Id

i don't like those noisy heavy laser guns
how bout we chop him in half instead?

hmmm . . . that's an idea . . .

what, are you reviving all the old convos or something?


Id

basically

Oh.

Id, shooting for eloquent brevity.

is there a Jedi in the house?
I think I need some training with this thing...

Ahem.




Id

yay!!!

Ahem.

*swishing sounds are heard as Id whips about her lightsaber a bit, then gracefully drops into the en guarde*

This is the en guarde position. Note its differences from the classic fencing en guarde. Two hands grip the blade, strong hand on top, and the body is facing slightly forward instead of to the inside. The back foot is no longer back, per se, rather slightly to the side and facing outward at only a 45 degree angle instead of a 90 degree angle.

*Id watches the Duchess try the en guarde*

Close. Bring your 'back' foot in a bit. Good. Bend your knees a little more, and angle your blade away from you and slightly towards your dominant/strong hand side. Very nice.

*more swish sounds are heard as Id moves through the first guard position*

Guard positions with the lightsaber are unique from the other classic fencing weapons, because the blade is handled with both hands. There are three circles, the Inner, Middle, and Outer circles of defense. This is the Inner circle, high and low positions.

*more swish sounds as Id's blade moves in two arcs up and down*

This is the Middle circle, with high, low, inside, and outside positions. These are similar to the cardinal points turned perpendicular to the map.

*faster swishes as the arcs of Id's blade widen and move away from her body*

And finally is the Outer cirle, with high, high outside, outside, low outside, low, low inside, inside, and high inside positions. The same 'cardinal points' and the four sub-divisions of the cardinals, also slightly farther away from your body.

*the swishes begin running into each other and Id's blade is moving so fast that it blurs slightly. the motion and sound stop suddenly*

Between the three circles of defense are all the classic defensive positions. When we move on the more advanced positions you will learn the back/over-the-shoulder counterparts to these basic positions. You should stay most often within the Middle circle of defense, rarely straying out to the Outer circle for that invites attack, and rarely being forced to your Inner circle where your gaurd is easiest to break. The Middle circle of defense contains the four strongest positions.

*Id's blade tracks the arcs for the Middle circle of defense once again*

Comprendez vous?

*Id watches as the Duchess nods*

Your next lesson will include practicing of these positions and the first basic foot work. For now, concentrate on becomming comfortable in this new en guard position.

*Id again demonstrates the en guard and corrects the Ducess' slight errors*

Bend ze knees!

*Id, feeling rather French, slips up to the classic position de salut*

C'est la position classique de salut. Les pieds de perpendiculaire, main arrière pronated, main dominante et arme augmentée au salut devant le visage. Le corps devrait faire face vers l'oponent. Le salut, lui-même, est exécuté par une petite inclination de la lame.

Yes, that's real French. Translation?

This is the classic salute position. Feet perpendicular, back hand pronated, dominant hand and weapon raised to the salute in front of the face. The body should face toward the oponent. The salute, itself, is performed by a small inclination of the blade.

I can say it in German, too.

Dieses ist die klassische Grußposition. Pronated Füße Senkrechtes, rückseitige Hand, dominierende Hand und die Waffe, die zum Gruß vor dem Gesicht angehoben wurde. Der Körper sollte in Richtung zum oponent gegenüberstellen. Der Gruß, selbst, wird durch eine kleine Neigung des Blattes durchgeführt.

*Id feels educated*

Want Portugese? How about Italian?

Ciò è la posizione classica di saluto. I piedi di perpendicolare, mano posteriore pronated, mano dominante ed arma alzata al saluto davanti la faccia. Il corpo dovrebbe affrontare verso il oponent. Il saluto, in se, è realizzato da una piccola inclinazione della lamierina.

I could do the Portugese if you want.

But all, stop, now.


Id

(P.S. Catch me next time we're together and there's a sword available and I'll prove to you that I really know what I'm talking about.)