h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After anor ten one evening this week I found myself down a dark alley in upper Bangoria. Being in need of moreI entered a dark and seedy public house that I had never seen before.
Hunched and furtive figures crowded the bar so I took myand made my way through the smoky gloom to one of the tables. I hadn't been sat there long when a raggedy individual sidled up and sat down opposite. "Pssst. I have a map that leads to the location of thegolden ."
After a lot of haggling I was able to buy it from him for the price of aand, poor fool was so drunk he saw double and thought they were four euros.
So now I have a map but no team but hopefully someone will join. Meanwhile I must start planning what I need in the way of supplies and equipment for this dangerous journey.
Ok, obviously we must have

So far so nobody; but that's ok someone is bound to be attracted by the lure of a that .
I'll study this map while I'm waiting so there's no delay in setting out. Now which way is up?

Crash.:: door thrown off it's hinges::
Gosh it's Jason Bourne!
What on earth are you doing here?

"Just passing through" remarks Jason Bourne preparing to dive
through a window. "But before I go I must knock this narrative
into past tense."
He places some C4 explosive in the thread and
things were never the same after

Meanwhile under a dark and damp bridge in a forgotten corner of Wales
Alberich the dwarf is up to something.

Alberich:: "Those three chavs have got some bling in their
handbags and I'll steal it as soon as they get up for
the karaoke."