h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a black hole appears in one hall, from which emerge three uniformed lackeys with STUMPED logos, one technical - mounted on which is a recoilless rifle, and NYC. The black hole closes*

I hear our glorious STUMPED organization now has competition for world domination by a new group called...*looks at notes* "E-vil." We can't allow this. Do you deny it or shall I just kill you now? *grin*

We're the Boardroom of Evil, we've been about since time began, so we aren't new, as you said, and if you're looking to mess with someone, I suggest you go straight to the head of the organisation, one Mr. Legion. I, you see, am simply his right-hand female-type.

Oh, and don't /ever/ come about again with base threats. It's annoying and fairly inneffective.

...This said.. There's three of you, and one of me.

*puts her hands in front of her, consentrates, and an obsidian scythe appears in them. She flicks the scythe down and then brings it in a quick slash across the neck of the henchman closest to her. His/hers/its head falls off and hits the ground, where it makes a bit of a squelching noise*

Four of us, actually; not counting the technical crew. Well, now three and a half. I'll take that as an admittal of guilt. Fire!

*The technical crew fires the recoilless rifle. the shell streaks by Jade's head and explodes very brightly on a nearby wall. The two remaining henchmen open up with Sten submachine guns. NYC sighs and pulls out a sabre*

Just noticed - you wouldn't happen to be a fan of GitS, would you?

GitS? Whazzat?

*looks generally annoyed, scythe glitters menacingly, and a pair of small and very dark "I am Cool People" sunglasses appears over her eyes*

You want to play? Let's play...

*swings the scythe in a high arc over her head, attempting to bring it into contact with his (hers? It's? Sorry if I caused offence, but I don't rightly know...) midsection*

(his)

*NYC deflects the scythe - albiet awkwardly - with his sabre, and attempts to retort, his two henchmen are apparently ignored complete *

The song to which you get your lithium flower/incredible math quote is being used as the theme song to a TV series coming out in october, called Ghost in the Shell, Stand Alone Complex. I wouldn't know any other references as to where it came from...

*...retort; his...*

*completeLY*

Need... edit button.

I wouldn't know anything about Ghost in the Shell. I'm a Yoko Kanno fan tho! And she write the song. So yes. She also does the Cowboy Bebop stuff. She's good people. But yeah, I'm just incredibly math...

*as an afterthought, beheads the two remaining guardmen and parrys NYC's badly aimed blow*

*NYC pauses to take note of the fact that six half-guards is not nearly as reassuring a presence as three whole guards. The technical crew have prepared for their second salvo, which is fired with an impressive display of pyrotechnics. NYC himself seeks to end any more future beheadings and on that note kicks Jade while pulling out an automatic with his free hand, which he fires five or six times wildly in her general direction*

You know Cowboy Bebop and not Ghost in the Shell? I find this hard to believe...

OKay, so I've heard of it, but never seen it. What? Cowboy Bebop is less hentai. And Spike is one sext bounty hunter...

*The kick hits Jade in the midsection, conveniently knocking her on her back and therefore below the spray of bullets from NYC*

*Staying on the floor, she swings her scythe into his ankles in an attempt to trip him up*

*the blunt end of the scythe knocks NYC feet out from under him. He hits the floor rather unceremoniously, pausing slightly to catch his breath and continuing to empty the automatic's clip at Jade. The rifle salvo streaks over her and impacts the floor directly beyond her.*

hentai? ha! GitS has even less insinuation than Cowboy Bebop!

*leaning up on her albows, surveying the holes the spray of bullets have made on her rug... And the new one, too, it...*

Right... So, if you would care to not attack me for half a moment, Why are you attacking me? I already said that I am not the head of the Boardroom of Evil. I'm just the lovely sidekick... who happens to be Death sometimes...

Right... well - *NYC gets up* - how better to get the leader out of his own Boardroom and into my own hometeam advantage than by killing/capturing/annoying his lovely sidekick... who just happens to be Death sometimes... and besides, we've already made our entrance and STUMPED families' compensation is slightly cheaper than henchmen hazard pay.

*NYC brushes himself off*

Now, where were we?

*NYC feels a slicght prickling by his throat and his right underarm. The camera pans back, to reveal Mystrunner standing behind him, with knives almost touching these areas.*

Don't move... if you want to live, that is.

That's Escaflowne, that is!

*grins and leans down to NYC's current level, so that her Jade eyes are piercing directly into his*

...But you forgot two things. One, said lovely sidekick is something of a bada**, and two, lovely sidekick has friends. Dangerous ones.

Don't go messing about with the Boardroom. Especiaslly not without reinforcements that I can easily dispatch. *grin*

*enter E-vil Yankee-shoes, dressed in black and armed with Death knows what, but her only visible weapon is a whip*

Ooh! Someone to play with!!!

And you should know, I out rank Jade, but only because I got there first... she's every bit as bada** as me, or maybe even more... you wanna pick a fight with her, I'll have to tell the warlord... oh, and Legion (chairman of the boardroom) should be along soon... maybe you have friends who wanna play? You're a trifle outnumbered.

Now, for your torture... paper, or plastic?

*grins at Yank*

He came in thinking the BoE was called "E-vil." I tried not to laugh at him, but really, he makes it so hard...

Yeah, yeah, so my intelligence-gathering capabilities isn't up to snuff. Can you blame me - I bugged CHOPPERS. Not that it seems you'd rather fight me without two goons on your back, so here's where I make my exit - this won't be the last time we meet!

*the technical crew waves kalashnikovs at Mystrunner while NYC hops onto the truck, which subsequently careens towards a black hole not dissimilar to the one they came from earlier*

...Coward...