h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OOOh you smooth talking Scot.

Well I enjoy our little chats - I only write when i'm in work so it's great to converse with someone who isn't sitting with me in London giving me grief!

I'm on days now - so i'm smartly dressed and feeling nervous about using the internet with bosssesssesss around!

I'm thinking I would love to go to the edinburgh festival... maybe next year. I enjoy comedy and the like.

How old R U?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

I am quite tall and loud!

You're quite funny yourself... I'm gonna get wasted tommorrow night at a friends engagement.. Well a little tipsey. The booze doesn't do great things to me... I lose my inhibitions...but gore-blimey those inhibitions shouldn't be a-getting-lost - does little ole'me' need that kinda reputation!

So you get drunk and you find men snoaring next to you... I'm very liberal... Hey I once had pets.. I know how this world works!

Hi babe!,

I'm sober again...for now. I can't believe it, I've partied ALL week! Strange ,now that Saturday is here all is quiet. I'm going to have a peacful night But, tommorow night I'm goig to see Timo Maas ...Again.
Don't worry if you've not heard of him! He's just a DJ that I particularly like.

Anyway a bit more about me ! I'm very nearly 26 which isn't worrying me as much as 25 did ! Hmm maybe you imagine a tall dark haired dude.. I'm not,... sorry! I'm 5 10" and dark blonde oh well I just have to live with it I suppose! My hair is just long enough to tie back again... I've had a shaved head for 4 years, before that it was down to my waist!! I got tired of waking up at night being strangled by my hair and the general stigma that came with it so I went to the other extreme and got it all shaved off.. It was a fantastic feeling , but part of me kind missed my hair every now and then..So I thought I'd have another bash at being hairy before I get too old.
I've not got a day job at the moment .WORK SUCKS !!!!.. But money is kinda cool I must admit. I'd better get a record deal soon or back to the grind in some backward job. I don't have decent qualifications, I left school at 16 to pursue my musical career. Ten years later .. I suppose I've done quite a lot but I've made next to no money from it yet! BUT I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS..an hopefully extremely rich..
Actually I just want to make a decent living out of music but I usually have to take a job. Which drives me crazy cos I have less time to be creative.

Yip that describes me pretty well... I have an odd name too which has made my life more interesting than it maybe should of been.........
Lymond ..well its not my fault ! for once I cannot be blamed.

So , what do you do for a living? what do you do for fun? what age are you? what comedy do you like? what music do you like?

You don;t need to tell me in one go , Don't want you to lose your job or get in bother with the bosseseses.

FOX out

OOOh OOOh where do I start????

I'm 26 but only one month from 27 and that is more frightening than turning 25/26!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have long hair but my trick for defying strangulation at night is to flick it up behind my head.

I work at Sky, i'm a techy bod - computers and the like but I trained as a camera women/creative type. Unfortunatly I had toooo many student debts to stick with short contract jobs so I moved onto Transmission - I was employed to watch TV 12 hours a day - Bravo, Living, Trouble etc. I was the person that put up the caption apologizing if a programme failed or if a royal died. I was the person that changed VT tapes when/if the picture was distorted or the tape got chewed up.

Anyway over 4 years of that did my head in so I bought a house, rented it out then went travelling.

So here I am now, doing a weird job involving interactive TV - a job that sways between completely and utterley boring to exciting and fun!

My height goes between 5'8" - 5'11" Depending on who's doing the measuring.... Maybe it's weather related?

Good luck on the music.... Try try try again. I'm looking forward to seeing you on Top of the Pops!

My most memorable conections to celebrity was being picked up and kissed by Maggie Thatcher, grabbing the arse of Jack Nicholson, and snogging Greg Dyke - BBC controller.

I think I answered all of your questions... Oh the comedy bit - I wanna do stand up, that's my ambition. I like Eddie Izzard, Improvisation, Roseanne, MASH, Fast Show, ABFAB, BRASS EYE (Fantastic), Have I got news for you.....

Apart from your love of music and partying what do you get up to? And why Fox Mulder and not Lymond? I like your name - hey i've put up with Wanda... 'Hey I WANDA where you're going', 'Were you named after the fish'!!???? I'm a gentle soul but that kinda talk makes me feel like a'punching!?!?!?!?

Hey superbabe!
ahhh so you are a talented one ? Did you do a degree in film and photograhpy ? your job sounds quite cool... Better than working in a shop or something equally demeaning.
So when you were travelling where did you go? I always wanted to travel but I never really had the guts to just up and go, or the money or the time. Well if I get my career sorted I'll be able to travel lots.
TOP OF THE POPS??? NEVER. Even if I was lucky enough to be on this I would refuse, Erm..... I would probably retire as it would be clear that my music was awful enough to be on this show!!!!
I don't want to be famous , I just want to make music and be stinking rich. Fame is an occupational hazard.

Last night I went to see Timo Mass (one of my favourite DJ's) I didnt't get home till 7:30 A.M. so I'm still a little delicate from my nights excersions.
I find it amazing that in these nightclubs I go to , me as a bloke have more chance of scoring with another guy than a female!!
Really, the guys are so relaxed and having a great time but the females are SOOOOOO uptight! Guys hug total strangers in mutual appreciation of the music but if you even talk to a female they think your after their bod!! So as a result I don't talk to females that I don't already know. Oh well , Its them that miss out!

I've been single for quite a while...4 years!! my god I used to have to beat girls of with a stick. I just don't have time for the game anymore, plus I think it's harder to meet people now. I think it's maybe my age or the fact that I am rather cynical about relationships and all the baggage thats included.

Please Wanda restore my faith in females! You are wise AND witty traits rarely found in females (you obviouusly do not sit and watch soaps all day!)
Does it seem the same for you? am I just disillusioned ?


I can't stop yawning ....I'm going to collapse soon...yes sleep beckons.
talk to you soon!

Lymond

I don't think i'm wise - if I gave you advice it would just be the blind leading the blind!!!! I don't know about the girls that you're approaching - maybe if your hands are up and ready to pounce on their breasts or maybe if your not brushing your teeth before you leave for a night out then these could affect your chances????

I have lots of female friends and they all make me laugh so there are alot of funny girls out there - unfortunatly it's instant sexual attraction that works at a dark and sweaty nightclub... And come on young man! When you're jumping up and down, getting happy and horny - it's written all over your face and that itself can be intimidating.. especially if the girl has baggage of her own regarding men, who in the past when drunk/drugged up, get aggressive and nasty when you ask them to stop!

I meet chaps clubbing and...... I know what they're after... and it isn't an interesting conversation and an Soul-to-soul discussion!

Look honey i'm doing nights for the next 3 days so i'll write then.

Keep well - and stop those cynical waves washing over you!

Wanda XX

yeah babe , sorry about my drunken rantings!

The thing is I DONT approach females as this is excactly what they expect! I don't see why all the men compete while the females think they don't have to do anything but look good.
This is why I'm very single , I don't have the patience for such small minded games. I need intellectual stimulation !!
I didn't really want advice, just more what your views are on it.

I am very happy being single ! beleive me it is not a problem to score if I really want to. After all I am a musician with an odd name !!! this helps A LOT.

Put a female in a room full of males and she'll pick out the biggest idiot every time! (I say idiot cos were not aloud to use more descriptive words ) This is indeed strange phenomenon .
I'm only a man so I don't understand females and never will. This I have accepted, if not rather reluctantly. So I just moan (as you've noticed) so from here on I stop.

Hey , in your bit about what comedy you like, NO MONTY PYTHON ? I hope it just slipped your mind , actually I'm pretty sure it did . I've never met anyone who doesnt' like them . My dad met Eric Idle at Billy Connelly's castle last week!! lucky sod .Robin Williams too!! My dad does security type stuff , this is how he managed that feat.

Monty Python!! my favourite ! quite long in the tooth but yet just as valid today I love em all ! Although I believe Terry Gilliam should get more credit for his animations, after all without them it would'nt be the same.

HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy ! I'm a fanatic, I listen to the radio series at least once a year. I have of course read all the books but X-girlfriends or should that be X-GirlMortalenemies seem to like pinching my stuff so I don't have any of the books now.
I think if H2G2 was not regulated I'd swear! ....A LOT!

Blackadder! you've got to love Rowan Atkinson ,well I do anyway! The second series was the best in my book . Ooo, I have the scripts for all the Blackadders and MP's Flying circusssssssss too!!! The thing that makes me like Rowan so much is how pathetic he is in the fist series of BA and Mr Bean and yet how dashing and confident he is in the second series. This massive contrast puts him up there with the best actors .And I'm not talking Hollywood bimbos I mean REAL actors/actresses .
I hate having to say ACTRESSES they are all ACTORS whether boy or girl, I mean whats the difference ?(yes I know). If men and woman are to be equal we must stop using feminine titles for jobs.
For example

MANAGER WANTED
GOOD PAY AND ALL THAT
GREAT HOURS (honest guv)

Anyway how often have you seen something like this?? does this state that they do not want a female?? probably not,but I'm sure this would put of all but the most confident women.

wooa boy ! I'm starting to rant agian. OK, I don't need to be drunk I just have a natural talent for typing complete mince.

I just noticed I don't like much new comedy.To be honest I rarely watch TV , But in true male still -IF THE FITBA'S ON I WATCH IT.
I'm a Hearts fan . Actually that's another reason I'm so cynical. But I have resolved to ignore them in future cos its bad for my health.
FOOTBALL! I know, you probably don't care. I shouldn't thats my problem, Although I still have a full head of hair which is quite a suprise.

Hope you don't fall asleep reading this,

Mond

(that's what my friends call me . It's kind of stuck and became my profesional name too.)

What Music do you like?
I like virtually everything so you can't shock me too easy.

Blimey - that was an email and a half... You say lots of things - some I agree with - others I'm slightly dubious!

Stereotyping is a tricky with me... I enjoy so many things and dislike so few that i'm easy to please. Music, Sport, people, books, games. I'm a girl that finds enjoyment from Jazz and Classical, Soul and Hip Hop - Pop, Heavy metal... I really couldn't give you a favourite.. It's like the books I read.. Sci-fi, Comedy, Thrillers!!

I like listening to Otis Reading, James Brown, Beck, Missy Elliot, Gorillaz, Aretha Franklin, Old School Hip Hop... I've spent time in Thailand and London waving my hands and stamping to trippy garage/house (I don't know what it's called - it went OOOOOh OOOOOOh Duh Duh Duh Duh...)Texas make me gag - the best thing the band did was feature Alan Rickman in a video. Boybands make me grimace. Girlbands - well at least they're not on the streets! Oh plus I did greive when George Michael came out!

I feel embarrassed to say i've only caught a few episodes of Hitch Hikers on the TV when I was a girl... It always struck me as very funny and my brother encouraged me to read the books but I never did! Plus I'm more of a Goons fan than Monty Python... Python never made me belly laugh???!?!?!?!? I can see the cleverness of it but like Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimor I never laughed out loud!

OK slump in your chair dissappointed... hey live and learn - I never say never... I disliked footy until I met people that were passion-et about it - then I became an ardent Arsenal Fan... Now that faze has passed you could instruct me on why Python are so good, you could turn me around!

If you never wish to write again... I'll understand - mind you with my gypsie heritage, i'll probably curse you and yours for 7 generations..... Ho-hum

I love Jazz.. Brubeck ,The Felonious Monk all sorts of piano trumpet double bass type stuff!
Metal too ? tell me more!
I like Soulfly just now (Max Cavalera from Sepultura)
ooh going 2 C Slayer and Pantera soon WWWOOOAAARGRG.Although Cradle of Filth Will be there and that will just be funny if anything!
I used to be a huge Alice In Chains Fan, Still am I suppose.Monster Magnet are pretty cool .Wot metals your metal ?

Texas make me gag too in fact your dislikes are pretty similair to mine.what you have listed anyway!
have you read any Spike Milligan Books? Recommended by me, though I have not read them all.

Vic and Bob also did not make me laugh ...at all.

I can't help you like Python, either you do or you don't . Although Python films like The Quest For The Holy Grail or Life Of Brain are a good example. If you have not seen these then you must .. If they didn't tickle your fancy then you are a lost cause ..well maybe not totally.
As you like Hip-Hop ,"Friday" would be a good film to watch.. Hope your not an Eminem fan.

gotta go. Bye

Oh, Let me know if it would be easier for you just to E-mail me .

Maybe it is better for you like this cos you wont have traces of our conversation on your works PC.!!

Talk to ya soon Wanda . Bye

maybe not

Hi Sugar

Sorry about the Mammoth delay in my response, what can I say. All Work Work Work makes Wandawoman a dull girl. How are you, hows the music, are you the techy type that could make an MPEG file and send it to me with a sample of your tunes?

Work is picking up, alot more shifts but i'll get time off in the future to repay.

See Ya

Wanda

Hi!!!! I've been pretty bust too!!! got two cool new tunes i've been working on.
I could MP3 stuff to send to you ... but my connection is pretty slow so I'd have to send them from my buddies house (he's got cable).

I reckon i should just send you a couple first .. cos I dont think you would be too amused waiting for twenty odd tracks to download ..

I love spreading my music about so tell me where to send them and I'll get right on it.

All work and no play makes mond a dull boy
All work and no play makes mond a dull boy
All work and no play makes mond a dull boy
All work and no play makes mond a dull boy
All work and no play makes mond a dull boy
All work and no play makes mond a dull boy

har har..

oh oh o h I downloaded the theme music for wonderwoman the other day !
I'ts not as good as I remember though but good for a larf.

talk soon BYe

Hiya

[email protected]

I canneeee wait for the Mpeg stuff to commmmmme.

Ooooh my back is sore, slaving over the computer, ooooh give it a rub.

Wanda

You never said what kind of connnection you have got..
most of my tracks are at least 4MB and will take a while to download .....and to upload too .so if you can cope with getting a few at a time I'll go to my buddies house and use his cable to send them to you.......for now I'll send you an old track which is quite small...
ta ta

Hi Wanda , How are you doing ? Did you get the track I sent you ?
Apparently my music is being circulated around the islands of Bermuda! Cool !
Don't work too hard.
Mond

Having most expert and precise musicians hands I give most excellent massage.
But I'll get back to you on that! one gotta go ... the devil has work for me to do.
woo ha ha h a