h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll keep my fingers very firmlay crossed for you!

What do you do when he's been suspended?

Make him tidy his room! Sometimes I get him to work from some books I bought, but I haven't done that since he's been at the unit.

Oh I agree that tidying his room is a great thing to get him to do. It's a struggle with little and I go through it every day.

My computer id soung some really weird things, I can't see my posts before I post them, only a sort of grey line.

J managed to do excatly 'barely anything' to his room, all day. And then he only did a bit because I wrote two things on post it notes and stuck them to his chest! And still he managed to do one wrong.

Just hates clearing it up - even the promise of a telly in his room if he keeps it tidy hasn't worked.

I hope your computer problem is only a temporary one.

Got the BIG MEETING today. Of course, the unit has wound J up by saying it's about deciding where he's going to be going. Why can't they just mind their own business and let me decide when he needs to know important information like that! I've had 13 years experience of breaking stuff like changes, and I know what I'm doing.

Oh dear! It doesn't sound as if whoever made the announcement about J's future had read the notes properly, or understood how he reacts to change. Was the room tidying episode in reaction to that, or just a normal thing? So ... what was the result of the meeting?

I had the results of little 's visit by the speech and language therapist today, which is good as I need it for the next hospital appointment. I thought it might tell me something new, but it really doesn't. He's being referred to a physiotherapist for fine motor control. They picked up that he can't walk heel to toe in a straight line (so if he was ever picked up for the new drugs test he'd fail that part) and still toe-walks. There was a positive side too, he does have wonderful linguistic and analytical skills.

We'll see what the next appointment brings. I want to make sure that he gets as much help as he needs to succeed socially and academically.

He's finally spoken to his teacher about learning an instrument. He wants to learn violin (well, he really wanted to learn cello, but that's not on offer and violin is a first step) - so I suppose I will have to get used to scratchings and scrapings and the discipline of music practice. I had wanted him to play something which was easier to get a quick win out of early as I know he often gets discouraged if he can't shine immeditely. Hey ho!

Good luck with the violin! I started on one of those when I was 11, because they sounded so beautiful. Of course I never sounded like that!

The result of the meeting is... more waiting. The LEA want more evidence before they can make a decision about schools, but at least they are not sticking blindly to mainstream. They are amending his statement with some changes that were made months ago and weren't added, and they are chasing up the speech and language therapy because that's something they want before they decide about schools.

I'm still waiting for the unit to send me something in writing about the suspension, then I'm going to send that, plus the evidence he has ASD to the tribunal. I'm allowed to send in more evidence as long as it wasn't available at the deadline I had last month.

I've also got a load of stuff to photocopy and send to my IPSEA advisor - I can't tell you how sick I am of photocopying!

J's doctor mentioned his motor skills and said they aren't great, but didn't observe him walking or anything. I also finally got the DLA application back off - after forgetting to photocopy it! The one thing I really needed to get done.

I'm not really holding my breath about the violin. He should have gone along to his first class today ... and he forgot. I think that might say something about his level of commitment. I'm not really sure what to do. Do I continue to encourage him, or do I lay off and leave it to him?

'they are chasing up the speech and language therapy' - does this mean that he will get speech and language therapy or they're chasing the results of an assessment?

How long will the suspension last?

As far as motor skills are concerned, little is getting extra help at school with his handwriting. Funny, when he wants to get my attention (as I remember he did when I was on the phone once) his handwriting can be really small and neat - most unlike most of the stuff in his school books.

It sounds as though there's all to play for with J and the LEA. I suppose it may be a bit like driving a car - you have to keep your foot on the accelerator, otherwise it comes to a stop!

I have an academic review day tomorrow for little . It will be interesting to find out how he's getting on.

The suspension was just for one day. I won't allow anyone to suspend him for more than that if it's related to what we thought was ADHD and now autism! It's not his fault he's been let down by the school system since he was 4 years old and so has learnt these 'bad habits'. He doesn't have the same problems at home, so clearly it's them, not just him!

He does get help with his handwriting, or he did at the mainstream, but I don't think he gets specific help at the unit - he used to have set sessions. The unit is so chaotic I don't think they even have set lessons half the time! Deciding not to do Geography but finish the art class from the morning, deciding to take the boys to the shops on the spur of the moment, that sort of thing. It's doing J good there, but not much for his education!

I've had a bundle of letters from his doctor now, he's going to have a full assessment for speech and language therapy, but the doctor still didn't really say how his autism affects him, or how I should deal with it, instead leaving it to the special needs charity we have in this town! Hopefully a referral to a specialist won't take long.

My goodness, it does sound a bit of a muddle. I suppose if it's doing him good, then it must be OK. How does he feel about it?

I quite agree with you about the suspensions - although I suppose you'd have to take into account the effect on the other children of a child behaving 'badly'.

I imagine it will be a relief for you to have a full assessment for speech and language therapy. I am certainly hoping that I will get better guidelines on what I can do to help, and also for what his teachers can do to help too. What was that about leaving it to the special needs charity in your town!?

I saw a Dispatches programme about the effect of making children learn reading and writing early and in particular the effect it can have on boys, who tend to be developmentally slower than girls. It makes the feel failures early on, and once discouraged, it is hard for them to change out of this 'failure' mindset. They do it different on the continent, starting school much later and having pre-school for learning co-operative behaviour and developing listening skills. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it seems to work.

The unit he is at don't feel his handwriting is poor (!?) despite it being around age 7... They've told me that all their students have poor handwriting, so I get the feeling that they think it's 'normal' and aren't doing that much. As it's a behaviour unit, true it could be normal that the kids are playing up, so are likely not to be learning much, but I think they aren't likely to have a reading age over a year older than they are (plus J admitted to being too lazy to answer a lot of the questions when he was tested).

He is a lot happier at the unit, he smiles more, gets ready for school in around half an hour, instead of an hour, is learning more and is behaving more relaxed, although obviously he's got a lot of problems that can't be fixed this quickly. He still refuses to accept work-related praise.

I don't know what I feel about the language assessment. I never had any idea he had a problem (ask anyone who's heard him talk!) so it would feel weird (and awful) to find out he needed a lot of help.

The doctor even wrote to the charity to ask them to contact me. I suppose as she's not a specialist she thinks they will be more help than she can be, but would have been nice if she'd sorted out a referral to a specialist for us.

I think J is in the 'failure mindset' all round really. But at home he accepts praise, is still a little sod but never puts his hands on me. I've always made an effort to make him feel valued (cos I never did when younger) and I suppose that's why he's done so well at home.

'He still refuses to accept work-related praise.' From the sound of it, J doesn't have a very good self-image. What kind of praise is he able to accept?

I've a feeling that speech and language is more than just an ability to talk. It can include things like psychometric testing, I gather. http://www.oafccd.com/factshee/fact61.htm

Little 's next hospital appointment is tomorrow and I do hope that there will be a way forward following that. If I find out anything which I think might help J, I'll let you know.

He accepts it from me, but I don't only praise for a job well done, I praise for effort. In fact I probably praise more for effort than for the end result, and I don't go on about it.

I just make lots of comments like, 'well done, that was a long walk', or 'thanks for doing that, it really helped to have someone to share with', 'that's neat writing, looks good'.

His self image is poor unfortunately, but we can blame that on being undiagnosed, so any efforts he made at school would be unremarked due to the teachers not realising what is an effort for J. Of course, any problems and they would be pointed out.

How did little appointment go?

That's a long list of assessments! I'll see if I can find out what they intend for J.

I lite the sound of praising for effort. It reminds me what little 's old headteacher said at the first meeting I ever went to at his primary school. He said that they recognise all the children's efforts and that what might be a big thing for one child might be very small for another, depending on where they start and their abilities. That's several years ago now and I remember it clearly.

'How did little 's appointment go?' - ah - it didn't. I got a phone call to say that they hadn't got the papers that we had and when I spoke with the doctor, she said that she was originally a substitute for someone who was ill and would I like to visit her at a clinic rather than the hospital. I said 'yes' very quickly for two reasons. 1) little will have continuity with her and 2) it's a darn sight easier to park nearby. So I have to fax the report to her tomorrow (I received it on Friday and she hasn't yet!)

As far as the speech and language assessments go, I just did a search on them, I don't think they are doing anything like that amount for little . I too would like to know which ones they did and what they show.

Can't you ask to see them? I ask for copies of everything. In fact I'm going to ask for a copy of J's clinic notes and see if there is any mention in them I brought up autism ten years ago in case I can sue!

Been to another school this morning which was a waste of time. It looks like schools which will cater properly for J's autism won't cater for his academic potential. Some days I want to scream...

I have got copies of the reports. What I meant was that I didn't know the tests they were doing. I was present for all of them except the one where he was seen at the school. What I meant was I didn't know the rationale for the tests. I know that some of them are to test his balance and some to test how he sees the world (for instance he was asked to draw a face and he hated doing it, mostly, I think, because he doesn't feel that he can draw well and doesn't want to be embarrassed).

'if there is any mention in them I brought up autism ten years ago in case I can sue!' - can you? For lost opportunity and more help now?

'It looks like schools which will cater properly for J's autism won't cater for his academic potential. Some days I want to scream...' Oh - that is a real bind. Is there any way round that, for instance, getting in extra help? I saw something on the news this morning about history lessons etc on YouTube which might be a way of engaging him. I suppose if a school doesn't push him academically, it will mean that there don'e be the right type of exams at the end of it. I know there's a good Steiner school in Kent, which might be good for J, but there are possibly two or three main obstacles - getting a place, distance and fees. http://www.michael-hall.co.uk/

There's also the Summershill School, but that's in Suffolk, and again there are fees.

http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/pages/about.html

o~

Unfortunately J's 'challenging behaviour' is becoming a barrier to special schools as they've got 'very vulnerable' children there. Well he wouldn't have challenging behaviour if he'd been treated better. It's not as if he's roaming the playgrounds looking for little kids to beat up.

I've got a meeting coming up with the LEA and I'm going to ask them again how much help they can give to J in a mainstream, if he can be moved to one with smaller classes *and* still get transport so that I can start looking for work, and how much help he can be given - without the school putting up barriers before we even start.

If they give him what I consider suitable help then there will be no need to look for a special school. Just offering him a TA in standard lessons is not going to do it.

I think I'll pay a lot of attention to any further tests J gets - my GP is having trouble getting a referral for him - the NHS is obviously deciding it wants a fight as well now.

I've just been reviewing the thread to remind myself of J's 'challenging behaviour'. It seems to be about defying teachers to get out of classes he doesn't want to be in and being wound up by other kids. Have I missed anything?

Little was having difficulty at junior school being wound up by other kids and the teacher stepped in to nip it in the bud. The previous teacher hadn't. Mostly his problems were about kids teasing him and part of it was to do with his amazing vocabulary. The teacher told them that they should appreciate him and learn from him. It made a huge amount of difference.

I should think that that kind of attention/care would be more difficult at a secondary school because there are far more teachers involved in delivering classes and so it would be less easy to ensure that his pastoral care was of a similar quality from every teacher.

Did your GP say why s/he is having difficulty getting a referral for him?

You've not missed much, he will lash out and sometimes quite dangerously, but only after provocation - he's getting quite good at it unfortunately.

In fact he demonstrated to one of the teachers at the unit exactly how he'd still manage to do some damage despite being restrained! It was a demo, not an actual 'fight', but I think the teacher was a bit shocked.

She's having trouble because she was told the clinic he's at should be helping him and they wouldn't accept a referral. I told her he'd been under that clinic since he was four years old so perhaps she could imagine exactly how good I thought they were - missing such a serious diagnosis for such a long time, *plus* the fact that they haven't actually given me any help now he's got it. Even the charity they directed me to hasn't seen J, or asked to see him, although they've been very supportive of me.

So I've still no idea if I should be doing anything different with him, or if there's any therapy, or anything like that I could be doing with him.

I pushed her to try again, but she did say she didn't know if she'd get anywhere. I will keep pushing as many people as I can to get this sorted out.

Once J's had the SL assessment maybe that will be all he needs, but where it is??

Sorry. I seem to have derailed your conversation about your son with talk of my own.