h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i know u have a penchant for prowse,could u read this its my first ever attempt,feel free to crucify me thanx.

I CANNOT BREATHE WHILST BENT DOWN ON ONE KNEE
i CANNOT SEE BUT I KNOW I AM NOT BLIND
I AM BUT A CHILD IN A LONGED FOR PALASTINE

I PLAY WITH STONES JUST FOR FUN
BUT ISRAELIES KEEP WATCH WITH GLISTENING GUNS
THIS IS MY HOME BUT IVE NOWHERE TO ROAM
I AM JUST A CHILD OF A CHOKING PALASTINE

MY FRIENDS ARE NOT HERE
HAVENT BEEN FOR YEARS
JUST MY BROTHERS AND MY MUCH MISSED SISTER
THE ISRAELIES KEPT WATCH
THEY DIDNT MISS HER

SHE WAS THROWING STONES
JUST PASSING THE TIME
AND I AM JUST A CHILD
OF A CHOKING PALASTINE

THEY LAUGH AND THEY JOKE AND US CHILDREN WE CHOKE
WE STRUGGLE TO BREATHE AS THEY GO ROUND IN THREES
THEY ROUND US ALL UP AND WE DROP TO OUR KNEES
BUT I AM JUST A CHILD OF SOME OCCUPYING DISEASE

thnx 4 reading well what u think,be gentle

oh im caught up now, all i gotta do are me term papers now
then exams early next month

thats good newslets hope u get what u want any plans for after exams

nope

what did u think of my writing did u miss the posting?

well to be gentle.. u need work, a lot of it
its not what u write its HOW u write it,
u need work on ur rhyming schemes, u need words that really rhyme not have the same word ending cuz it dont work that way most of the time,
you want to have a beat in there too, not just ramdom syllables in each line, try to make it song like
thats as gentle as i can be man,
hope its not too rough

hey that good , thanks for that.im in work at the moment dead boring they laid 90 people off today wish i was back in school

as long as u didnt get fired it all good