h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

this is the inter-house competition Z team...there are 11 houses, so theres a Zs as well for cripples, to make up numbers

we usually concede 14 and dont score anything. their defence, however, wasnt up to much, and we...er...snuck an extra 4 players onto the pitch for our team...

position? im wherever the ball is.

Yep. Thats the way to play soccer.

Stuff positional play just chase after the ball and boot the hell out of it

damn right. i even scored myself once

You mean at football, right.

yes. very drole.

I'm a very droll troll, after oll.

That score you made, was it a dramatic score. That is, did you score it in extra time with seconds to spare and thereby win the grand final for the team. Or not.

I need to know because I've never been successful at sports (only because I lack talent, skill and ability) and so I like to hear sporting success stories

it was in the dying secons...it caused us to lose 8-2, but we consider every goal we score to be worth 5. therefore we won 2-0 thanks to my golden toe.

i thought you were some hardcore ninja sensei tae kwon doe dude...(even if i am confusing japanese and chinese in my description of you)? is this not very difficult to acheive?

Hard core, no.

Tae Kwon do dude, yes.

I think I suck at most sports because I never stick at them long enough to get any good.

I've been doing martial arts for 11 years and I think I've got the hang of it.

What no-one told me about my black belt grading is that as well as fighting all the other black belts and breaking boards etc. I have to write an essay on "what martial arts means to me".

Aaaargh.

It means about 11 years of bruises

lol...surely its a pathway to the gates of the threshold of your understanding of the inner being of the chi of your eternal soul?

Of course it is. Thats what I meant to say.

And I'll use that in the essay, thank you very much.

really? im honoured. im sure your sensei or whatever he is will be heartily amused. weither that or he will snap every tendon in your body by force of will alone

Since I last posted I've been to see the Chief Instructor with the other candidates for a pre-grading briefing.

Apparently I now have to break roof tiles as well as breaking planks!!

I think I will pre-book the ambulance to take me away on the day

por attach lead wieghts to your hands

Or I could drill tiny holes in the tiles that no-one could see.

or say 'look over there!', pont and drop them while the bloke isnt looking.

Well I've done it.

I didn't have to braek tiles. I think the senior black belts were having me on.

Broke the planks though that went really well.

If not for the crippling cramps and the multiple blows to the head giving me double vision it all went like clockwork.

groovy! now you are officially a deadly weapon. i bet you have a really powerful handshake as well...

i just got back from my oxford interview yesterday. three days of easy interviews, playing pool and drinking too much. bliss...