h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Henry was a lovely little cat. He was black and part-Siamese, which gave him very slim and short legs with a narrow body and a very thin tail. He also had a pointed face and big yellow-green eyes. He was born in December 1996 and I got him for my tenth birthday in February 1997. I named him Henry after the famous English king Henry VIII, and knowing how he turned out, it was a very appropriate name for him!

Henry was a very intelligent and cunning cat, one of the smartest and most independent cats I have ever seen. Within a few months of belonging to me and my mum, he'd worked out how to open the doors in the house, even those that were properly closed. He would jump up and grab hold of the door handle with his front paws, then swing his back legs up to the doorframe and push with his back paws while pulling with his front ones. The door would then be open, and he'd jump down and enter the room. He wasn't quite so good at closing the doors though!

He also worked out how to open his own catflap, even when it was fully locked, and even the kitchen window so he could let himself out that way! Henry was also very territorial, and would chase dogs twice his size right out of the garden, and he usually won any fights that he was involved in, whether with cats or dogs. I even knighted him so that he was Sir Henry!

Alas, Henry was running back home one night in June 2003 when there was a thunderstorm raging overhead and he was hit by a passing van and killed outright. He is buried in my garden with a stone carving of his face, done by me, embedded in the tree above his grave, and my dad carved the name Henry and his date of birth and date of death into the tree trunk.

*smiles at all the happy memories of Henry carefully stored in his cybernetic memory banks*

Hello CYBERHUMAN!

I was just thinking about you and wanted you to know that I missed hearing from you yesterday!
Hope everything is well with you and that you're having a splendid day.

On h2g2 yesterday, the spamming extremist struck twice and I had to yikes him, as did others, fed up with the recidivistic nonsense. I take it that Lil is his ACE...which mustn't have been too pleasant for her to deal with all the hubbub. Anyway, things are as per usual now. The servers kept us out for a time, didn't recognise us, apologised for unknown reasons of error again and again!
I gave up and watched a TV documentary on Bob Dylan instead.

I did get the chance to view "Scream of the Shalka" the other night and yes, you were quite right regarding the lack of quality dialogue being a mismatch for the otherwise good animation.
What was with Richard E. Grant's peculiarly tetchy vocal rendition of the Doctor?
Very odd and rather off-putting. Normally he has such a well modulated voice.
It sounded like he wasgritting his teeth through much of his lines!

Speaking of odd and off-putting...I hope you and Shakespeare are getting along and being nice to one another. I sense a rocky relationship but a requisite one nonetheless.
Here's to keeping the skirmishes with the bard fair and relatively few!

I'll try to get in touch with you later!
See you then!

Hello Cynthesis!

Sorry I wasn't online yesterday but I had rather a lot of work to be doing and it took me quite a long time to do, so I ran out of time to get on h2g2 and speak to you. I think maybe that extremist is deliberately winding people up just for the sheer fun of it, so I wouldn't really take much notice of what he says because it's probably totally untrue and designed simply to get a reaction, which it sounds like he has got. My advice would be not to react to him, because if he doesn't get a reaction then there'll be fun in it for him and eventually he'll stop sending these stupid comments.

I have a big book at home called "Doctor Who - The Legend," which was published in 2003 and was written by lifelong Doctor Who fan Justin Richards, and in that book he does an episode-by-episode detailed account of the Doctor's adventures, describing in detail everything from the location in each episode to the creatures, the companions, the TARDIS, and each incarnation of the Doctor himself. It's like the Bible of Doctor Who and I adore that book! In that book, Richards talks about the "Scream of the Shalka" and he says that the Doctor (as portrayed by Richard E. Grant) has recently suffered a tragic loss and this has planted doubts in his mind about whether he can really do the job he does, which has led to his rather grumpy attitude and lack of tolerance of anyone who is not as intelligent as him. It's a pretty thin excuse for his tetchiness though, don't you agree?

I also don't like the way that each episode of "Scream of the Shalka" is split into parts which are only about two to three minutes in length, and this means that just when you are getting into the story, the part comes to an end and you have to go back and select the next part to carry on with the story. It breaks up the story into ridiculously short chunks and lessens your enjoyment on the story further.

However, on the Webcasts page there is a much better story featuring the Sixth Doctor (voiced by Colin Baker, of course!) and a new companion of his (not Peri or Mel thank goodness!), and with the Cybermen trying to gain control over time. It's called "Real Time" and the images are good but static, i.e. there's just images, no actual animation. The Cybermen have been updated and look terrific, like angry versions of Robocop or something! Each episode is a whole episode, so there's no parts dividing up the individual episodes. If you haven't seen it, I'd strongly recommend you do!

Hi, and glad to see you around!

How did your day go? Your bathroom renovations must be near completion by now.
Are you going to miss those builders when they're gone?

Over here, we've got firestorms raging in the canyons and the sky is thick with dark clouds of smoke and ash obliterating the sun. I'm tuned to the TV to see whether or not we might have to evacuate. Never a dull moment in these parts! This is run of the mill stuff for us during the autumn when dry Santa Ana winds turn even the minutest spark into an instant fireball. So far 2 houses have burnt down and now we're watering down our lawns and roofs, just in case.

Well, I've packed a couple cases of luggage and done what I could outside. It's now just a waiting game.

Yeah, "Scream of the Shalka" suffered greatly from it's disjointedness in form. Spurts of the story just hurt any forward momentum that it had going for it. Interesting enough, though, to follow it through to its conclusion.

I'll give "Real Time" a look sometime soon (Marvin:if I don't turn into a crispy canyon critter tonight). It sounds intriguing!

I'm going to have to take another reconaissance of the situation outside. I'll let you know how things turned out tomorrow.*takes a deep breath and fastens a facemask on before opening the front door*

So, I'll be saying goodnight now.
Sweet dreams dear friend!

Heeeeellllllloooooooooo Cynthesis! Wheeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeeee aaaaarrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee yoooooooouuuuuuu?

Iiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmmmmm gooooooooonnnnnne foooooooooooor nooooooowwwwwww!!!!!!!!!
Seeeeee yoooooooooooooou tooooooomoooooorrrooooooooow, Iiiiiiiiii hooooooope!!!!!!!!!

Sweeeeeeeeeeet Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeems Cyyyyyyyyboooooooorgggg Waaaaaarrriiiiioooorrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine if we did every conversation like that! It would take ages to read it!

Goodnight! Sleep well!