Journal Entries
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Oh dear. Where does the time go?
Posted Jan 11, 2006
OK. So it is now 11th January 2006.
I have precisely 11 weeks before I go to Vegas for my "trip of a lifetime".
I was so determined to be at or near my comfortable and happy weight/size.
It all went horribly wrong.
It all began when my gym closed for refurbishment during the summer. I lost the continuity as the alternative gym I could go to was a 25 minute walk uphill. I know I could have used the walk as part of my routine but after trying it a few times in the scorching summer sun I lost heart. By the time I got there I was too hot and tired to do much else. Not only that but it wasn't 'my' gym. It didn't feel right. I never felt comfortable there.
I was still being sensible with my diet. I never once strayed into the realms of take-aways and fried foods or choccy bars. I still stuck to my 3 meals a day with healthy snacks like yoghurts or nuts. The portions may have begun to creep up a little I guess. But still - I never went back to my 'old' ways.
Then of course there was the run up to Christmas - which in the retail industry begins in September!! We had alot of staffing problems and I found myself doing extra shifts which played havoc with my routine. I wasn't eating at the right times of the day and began eating bought pre-prepared sandwiches - mostly chicken salad or egg salad, very occasionally (when they'd run out) cheese and tomato.
I still went to the gym (my one re-opened in October) only not as often. I still managed to get in at least one swim a week too. But it wasn't enough. The weight piled back on in a very short time.
I regret to say that I gained 1 and a half stone in 3 months.
I hate the fact that anybody else without a weight problem could have eaten the same amount as me and done the same amount of exercise and not put on an ounce. I will ALWAYS be overweight. I will ALWAYS be on a diet. I can NEVER slow up on exercise.
So now, back to today. I have told work that I can only do my set shifts. I have put myself back on track with my diet - a combination of portion control and Gi. I am back in the gym whenever possible. I have to lose at least what I gained plus a little more in just 11 weeks.
I am not angry or upset. I am disappointed and a little bitter truth be told. I wouldn't mind if I'd pigged out completely and never exercised at all. I would be able to be angry with myself then. As it is I just feel like I am extremely unfortunate to be like this - it seems so unfair.
So - Vegas. As far as B knows we are going to celebrate our 40th and 50th birthdays and our 10th anniversary. I think. I don't think he knows about the chapel on the 1st April!
Yep - Saturday 1st April 2006. The deed will be done (I hope)
I just need to shift a couple of stone first. If I don't I'll still go for it - I just don't think I'll be as happy for the photos. I do keep reminding myself that only about 18 months ago (when I first began the weight loss) I wouldn't have even contemplated this holiday.
Wish me luck.
Discuss this Journal entry [9]
Latest reply: Jan 11, 2006
Poorly Charlie
Posted Sep 9, 2005
I slept 2 hours at the most last night.
Monday evening Charlie came home limping badly. His collar was gone. His head was covered in mud. He was in a bad way.
I didn't see all of this because I was working. At 8.30pm B came and met me from work to tell me that Charlie had had some sort of accident. My legs turned to jelly and my heart leapt into my mouth. He needed to see a vet ASAP.
Charlie couldn't, or wouldn't, stand up. His front right paw was twisted inward. I didn't know what could have happened. He may have been hit by a car or fallen from somewhere.
We had to go to the emergency hospital. They were very slow and thorough but were unable to give me any answers that night. They gave him pain killers and told us to take him to our vet the next morning.
Tuesday morning we took him in. Yves, our vet, told us that he would need to stay in and be x-rayed. They did blood tests and urine tests at the same time. Initially they found high levels of creatine and potassium in his blood and were worried that he may have been in early stages of renal failure. They took some urine from his bladder whilst he was under anaesthetic for the x-rays and ruled that out thankfully.
However, they did find two fractures. One in his front right paw and one on his back left ankle. He had to stay in again overnight so that they could operate on his front paw the next day.
Yves told us that he would have to be confined to a cage for 2 weeks so that both fractures could heal. Having already spent £700 on the treatment we then had to shell out another £65 for a cage.
We bought him home yesterday. Last night he cried all night. It was pitiful and I was sobbing buckets just to hear him. He has a cast on his front paw and finds it hard to get around anyway. I feel so cruel caging him. He is distressed but it is necessary to keep him in there. I feel wretched.
He is sleeping now and I am going to try to get some shuteye too.
I'll keep you posted as to his recovery.
My poor baby. 
Discuss this Journal entry [49]
Latest reply: Sep 9, 2005
Been here a while...
Posted Aug 11, 2005
and have never once written a journal entry.
Thought it was probably about time I did.
Soooooo...today is Thursday 11th August 2005. I have finally come to the conclusion that I am never going back to the job I gave up 14 months ago. It was quite literally killing me.
I used to sit on my @rse for 12 hours a day in front of a computer being talked down to by pricks in suits and getting fed cold chips and curled up sandwiches at 11pm because it's all the hotel night service would do and we'd missed dinner. This made me balloon to an incredible 18 stone 9lb.
Then there was the stress. My blood pressure was measured at a staggeringly high 195/134...
I used to be away from home more than I was there. I missed my man and my cats (although not necessarily in that order )
Now - 14 months later I am 14 stone 2lb (4 and a half stone lighter), my blood pressure is 110/77 and I get to cuddle both my cats and my man every day (although not necessarily in that order 
)
Can you see why I am not going back?
My job then? A computer graphics designer/operator for corporate conferences. Pay - about £250 a day.
Now? I work part time as a sales assistant in Julian Graves. A shop that sells nuts, seeds and dried fruit - all the things I can eat on my diet! Pay - not a lot, £5.60 an hour.
Am I happy? Oh yes. Believe me.
Any regrets? Only that I didn't do it all a lot sooner...bit like this journal!
WOW!!! Just previewed the entry and realised that it feels great to have "come out" about it all!
woooohoooo! 
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Aug 11, 2005
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