h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Three songs of there's first we have "Nothing At All" which goes to the tune of the Jam's Going Underground

It’s amazing how pretty you looked on that night,
Your skirt was so short and your top was so tight.
I bought you a drink and we danced on the floor,
We pulled and you came back to mine for some more.

Your skirt ended up on the living room chairs,
And your top and your bra, they came off on the stairs,
And though you looked fit with your clothes on,
Man I was a fool…
Cos you look like shit when you wear nothing at all.

Oh the clothes that you wore looked a million dollars,
But the body beneath, it looked just like Rick Waller’s.
The makeup you wear is a clever disguise
To hide your moustache and the squint in your eyes.

Your cellulite’s dreadful, your covered in zits and
Your stomach’s about as defined as quicksand.
If I’m being honest your tits are unacceptably small,
So you look like shit when you wear nothing at all.

When we went back to mine I was up for a shag.
In the bedroom I realised you’re a dumpy old slag.
Your pubes reach your navel and they cover your thighs,
Didn’t know they made arses that size.

When we met on that night, I could swear that I never
Would have guessed you’re a female Andrew Lloyd Webber.
The hair on your chest’s a bit endocrinological,
And you look like shit when you wear nothing at all.

Your teeth are all yellow, with bloody great gaps so
Your face is a picture, by Pablo Picasso.
I can see that your arse has its own gravitational pull,
And you look like shit when you wear nothing at all.


Next we have London Underground... actually I better not risk putting that up here

Finaly we have my favourite, Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin which has a tune suprisingly similar to the tune for supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It’s our brand new wonder drug we think you’ll find enticing,
Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

The BNF has twenty thousand different drugs to take,
So we thought, “What could we produce to give you all a break?”
A drug that could treat anything from leprosy to SARS,
And you can give it in the mouth, IV or up the arse.

It’s Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It can cure the common cold and being struck by lightning.
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

We tested it on animals and none of them survived,
But that’s OK cos when we wrote the paper up we lied.
It first choice for MI, MS and even for ME and COPD, HIV, PD and DVT

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It reverses impotence and makes you good at fighting,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

There are some minor side effects and some are not that rare,
Like nausea, vomiting and losing all your hair,
And heart attacks, becoming gay and growing extra breasts,
But it’s f*****g cheap, and hey, this is the NHS.

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
There are cures for everything from AIDS to pubic lice in
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
We make it from the cerebellar cortex of a bison.
After that it undergoes some polygenic splicing,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It makes you smart as Einstein and as muscular as Tyson.
It brings an end to all that pharmacology revising,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
We sell lots in Japan cos it’s the antidote to ricin.
The minister of health we hear will shortly be advising
Take Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

I'm going to print these off and give them to some of the nurses at work

ive got nothing at all!

Ok, I've just noticed one humungous cock up, that should say that Nothing at all goes to the tune of 'Nothing at All', the song that gos to the tune of Going Underground in London Underground It's not my fault, it's this crappy MS OS I have to use, honest it is

*Giggles*

L.M.A.O

It's not my fault, honest it's not

I noticed that, but didn't want to say anything

Very good!

I *was* wondering about the Nothing at All thing - there's a lot of songs out with that name and the one by Air Supply has just been playing on the radio. I know they're really old school, but there's something about that song that I really like. Tune's good, but the lyrics are brillint!