h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My aunt Nicky, my mother's youngest sister, died this morning. She was not yet sixty years old. She died as a result of general ill health ... she's been going backwards for many years now and the last time she visited she was just a shadow of her former self and hardly 'in this world' any more. It wasn't unexpected but as I told my mother when I heard it, it was a 'waste'. She was way too young to die. She's the first 'blood' aunt/uncle I lose. I lost my uncle Billy many years ago ... he was the husband of my mom's elder sister Marie; I lost my aunt Susara (my mother's brother Kerneels' wife) a few years ago, then I lost my uncle Herman a year or so ago ... he was the husband of my father's younger sister Lydia.

Aunt Nicky leaves behind her husband George and her three sons Maurice, George and Nico.

My dad's two elder brothers still live, as do his two younger sisters. My mom's brother Kerneels (about ten years older than she) and elder sister Marie (a few years older than she) are also still alive. I don't know how long Uncle Kerneels will still make it, though. He has health problems as well and has been having a hard time since aunt Susara died ... not watching his health at all. Most recent news I heard he was totally emaciated, not having taken care of eating properly at all ...

Aunt Nicky also did not watch her health. That's basically it. I'm trying to help my mom and dad watch theirs ... it's a tough job but the basics are in place. Most important is having a reason to live. I think Aunt Nicky at the end didn't really have a reason to live ... same with my uncle Herman, and I worry regarding this about my aunt Lydia and uncle Kerneels also.

Love the way you care about the whole extended family.

Take care, Willem.

Willem, self neglect is such a feature of old age, or when health gets too bad. Some people left with no reason to live have a death wish and I think we have no real right to deny that. However, you have been lucky to have such a large family of that generation, but then it is somewhat inevitable that this would happen.

It is a sad list you have, but I am sure your parents are educated, and caring of each other, and you and your sister, and will be fine.

I hope you won't let it get you down too much. It is sad but it sounds as if it might have been a happy release.



Websailor

Hello everyone and thanks for your comments.

Turns out the actual cause of death was a heart attack brought on by neglected diabetes which itself was brought on by self-destructive habits.

The funeral will be sometime this week. It will be in Aunt Nicky's home town of Thabazimbi - a beautiful setting in the Waterberg mountains ... the scenic beauty of which which unfortunately the mining companies there are very busy spoiling. We will attend.

This doesn't get me down, really ... I never was that close to my aunt Nicky. My mom was very close to her though. She (Aunt Nicky) very frequently telephoned her late at night and had very long conversations. But I don't think my mom is taking it hard either ... we've been expecting this for a long time. But after all she was my mom's little sister.

Monday 18th May 2009 8.25

Very dear Willem,

I have just gone back to reading your posting about your aunt Nicky.

Poor dear lonely woman. I see that she had a husband and three sons. something must have happened that she was so very sad that she could not care for herself. I am so sorry about it and basically for them as well. they are going to miss her. She must have been ill for a long time. It is strange that they did not pick up her heart pr9blems earlier.

Both your Mum and Dad are very fortuante to have such a loving son as yourself to care for them. Well done.

With much affection and a lot of courage ou kerel,

Christiane
AlsoRan80

Monday 18th Mary 2009 8.30

Dear Websailor

I was interested in reading your remarks to willem about old age, death wish and healthy eating.

What you say is very true. It is difficult to cook and enjoy food when one is alone. I believe I have made that remark that it is easier to cook for someone else than for oneself.

I actually do not think that it should be considered OK for older people to have a death wish. I do think - and always have thought - that older people were fascinating, interesting and always had time for younger people. I can remember going, as a ten year old Brownie - to an old age home in Port elizabeth every Wednesday afternoon. I used to have a lovely time and was spoilt so much by all the residents. !

One of the wonderful things about old age is that one always has time for everynybody and everynything. - except possibly when it is in the middle of a wonderfully thrilling rubgy/tennis/swimming/event. !

I must admit that I am enjoying my old age enormously, and I started writing thank you cards this morning to all the wonderful people who make my life so fulfilling and wonderful.

I am sure that you will find the same thing happening to you when you reach my great age. !!

With affection


Christiane.
aR80

I find it very sad if anyone at any age stops wanting to live. Of course one cannot force others at all to enjoy or appreciate life.

I've seen some people grow old with grace, and others becoming really bitter and unpleasant. Generally though I get along very well with older people. I think old people deserve much more respect and consideration in our society.

Just a note AR81 if you think *you* are old! My sister's husband Jakobus' grandmother celebrated her 101th birthday in March. And she still has a zest for life! I've visited with her and some of her children a few years ago and she's a remarkable little old lady. They have a house built on a sloping hill and there are high flights of stairs in the house and she's still able to go up and down them.

Anyways I am happy you have people around to help you out with your reduced mobility. I'm also very happy about the various joys you still find in your life! May there be many more.

Aunt Nicky will be buried this Thursday in Thabazimbi. We'll just drive in and then come back directly afterward.

What I find very sad is that her boy George my not even be there. He's become totally estranged from his family. His elder brother Maurice had some contact with him but hasn't heard from him in a year. So ... he doesn't even know his mother is dead. Anyways I personally would love to see George again. I'm feeling much guilt because of not having been friendlier and more supportive towards him in the past ... I am really eager to know how he's doing these days.

19th May 2009 11.30

Very dear Willem,

thank you for that update about your aunt.

I shall be thinking of you and your extended family and sharing with you your farewell to Aunt Nicki.

You are a splendid person and have lots of things to do. I hope that some of them, like the flowers of South africa we can explore with a whole host of new researchers.

go well,

Christiane Alsoran80/81

Christiane,

<>

I am afraid if a person decides they want to leave this earth there is not a lot s can do, or should, if the person is old, ill and determined as my Dad was. My aunt too, hung on till my Mum (her sister) had gone and chose to go too. They had both had enough. My Mum didn't get the choice.

Keep your busy happy life as long as you can Christiane, I wasn't for a minute advocating helping a departure, I just feel we should accept the decision of someone with all their faculties who wishes to find peace.

Websailor

Willem, it is so sad when families drift apart, for whatever reason. I hope you manage to find a way forward. So often nothing is done until it is too late.

I agree that people who have had a long life should be treated with more respect. They could teach us so much if we would just let them but I am afraid they are not treated with consideration, let alone respect much of the time.

Actually writing 'they' made me laugh. My other half is seventy and I am coming up to 65, so I suppose we are in that bracket now, but like Christiane we don't feel it and won't give in to old age

Thinking of you,

Websailor