h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi there, Willem. I thought it about time that I formally introduced myself... since I've been talking with Ellen and Shee and Chris about you for days now. I feel like I know you, but you don't know me and that also seems a trite unfair.. so.. here goes: I'm Wink. Come by and check my space sometime. I live in Tennessee USA, not too far from Ellen, in a town called Nashville. I, too, am an artist and have thoroughly enjoyed looking at your work on your other sites. I don't have one up, as of late, but plan to post one soon so that I can put my work up as well. I am not a realistic painter, such as yourself. I am more impressionistic and favour more the style of cubists. I paint my emotions... if that makes sense. I joined up on h2g2 late summer. I met someone here who is on work visa from the UK as a chemist and he got me interested in the site. I've met an incredibly diverse crowd of people here and learned a lot of new things.. which I enjoy immensely. I wanted to tell you that *up front* that I didn't mean to lurk about (as I've seen some talk about on here frequently) without saying anything. I saw that you were going through a time right now and didn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way. But during this time, I have to confess, I've come to care about you a great deal. You see, I have an 8 year old son who is in a hospital right now diagnosed with schizophrenia followed by psychotic episodes, PTSD and depression... I know what you're going through.. unfortunately, I'm on the other side of the glass looking in. My son has had to deal with a lot of things that I can't imagine what he's going through... and being so young when this started (at about 4) he can't vocalize it either. Therapy has been tough.. at best. He's been on a slew of medications.. some of them actually causing the psychotic breakdowns. I, myself, have had some problems with depression in the past.. today, I have my moments. I'm not on medication, but attend therapy sessions twice a month and I paint and write a lot. I would really like for us to get to know one another and become friends. I think we'd have a lot to share with one another, especially our love for art, nature, photography and cats! I'm going to try this, but if it doesn't work I'll email it to you directly.. here's my email address at work. Please email me if you *ever* need *anything*... anytime! ([email protected]) Take care of you and remember that you have a lot of people who care a great deal about you.

with love,
WINK

Hiya Wink, thanks for the introduction. I'm really sorry to hear about your son... may I ask, where does the PTSD come from?

Willem,
It's quite fine that you ask, although I'll have to give you a bit of a story first. About 8 years ago, my father passed quite suddenly at home... he had a massive heart attack. My family is rather small, but we were close then. My mom, younger sister and younger brother were devastated at the loss. Unfortunately, it seemed that my father was the one that kept us *together* and when he passed a lot of ill-will came to surface... we split ways. My younger brother took it a lot *harder* than the rest of us and committed suicide... only 6 months later. It drove a wedge further between my mom and sister and myself, I'm afraid. I then suffered a brief time of severe and deep depression... we didn't know *why* my brother took his life. I have a respect for you in you talking about your thoughts... he kept *his* to himself. During this time, I, too, drifted into the dark parts and wanted to end my life as well. I wanted to simply 'give up'. My mother, grief-striken and paranoid that I would commit suicide like my brother, phoned the authorities one evening and had me taken into protective custody and had my son put into foster care. After only two sessions, my psychiatrist stated that I was grieveing for my losses and that I would be fine with therapy and perhaps a mild anti-depressant for a short time. My son fell into the paperwork cracks and was in foster care for over 45 days. During these 45 days, the foster father sexually molested my son. He was 3. It started out in his nightmares, night *terrors* really... then it escalated. He sometimes has such severe delusions that he attempted to stab me once, he tried to set the house on fire, he would periodically awaken at early times in the morn (like 3 am) and take all of the things out the pantry and refrigerator and line them up all along the kitchen floor. He's a bit better now. He's not on all the medications that one hospital put him on. He was taking combinations of anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers... some I think were actually adding to his delusional episodes.

How are you feeling? I'm glad you responded. I hope I'm not too long-winded... I tend to be that sometimes.

WINK

Dear Wink,

I am so outraged to hear about the 'foster father' sexually abusing your son! I am aware of there being a massive worldwide problem with the sexual abuse of children ... it is something every thinking responsible person should be aware of and should be trying to combat. We need to start loving and valueing and respecting our children much, much, much, much, much more! Our world is CRIMINAL, as a WHOLE, in its neglect of children!!!!

Can you tell me, how much do you *talk* with your son? Do you do lots of things along with him? Do you give him encouragement to do things for himself?

When I was younger, my father worked *all* the time... he barely had two words for any of us growing up. My mother was, and still is to a point, the 'queen of ignoring it and it'll go away'. Growing up in my house was like living in a bubble where the only voice you could hear was your own. I was a very *lonely* child. When I got older, I *vowed* that I would *never* treat my child (my children) like that. I would encourage them to create and to be free and to think and express and I would *love* them... hug them, kiss them, hold them, be there for them.

My son is *brilliant*... as bright as any star could ever want to be in the heavens... but I am biased. On his good days, we talk *all* the time. We talk about things that interest him... right now, that's Harry Potter and magick. We go to museums, we colour together, watch films together.. sometimes we just drive in the car and listen to music and laugh and goof-off with one another. He's my absolute light. Without him, I'd be nothing. My world is *his* world. I encourage him to be who he wants to be and I try my best to urge him to keep going on. Sometimes the PTSD interferes and he withdraws from me. Sometimes I blame myself for his problems... although I would *never* let him know that. He is such a wonderful artist. I should scan some of his pencil drawings and send them to you. You wouldn't believe the amount of emotion in his drawing... even when he was just six years old... it's amazing really. But I *am* his mother.

I read your postings from this weekend. I hope you are feeling better. Has the physician spoken to you about changing your medication? If you don't mind me saying, it seems as though you are not getting the full benefit from the one you are currently on and it could quite possibly be adding to your triggering. My son was on everything from anti-psychotics to anti-depressants to mood stabilizers to medicines for schizophrenia... they combined, took away, added, upped, downed, and everything in between. It was quite confusing for me and taxing on his system, as you can quite imagine. I think you may need a re-evaluation. I know how hard these medicines can be on your body and mind... I saw how it affected my son. I think about you often and hope that you find a good balance soon. Should you need *anything* at all.. even if it's just to vent.. please take my private email address and drop me a line. [email protected]

WINK