h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Housecleaning service!

*unceremoniously barges in and sets to hoovering and dusting off the cobwebs of Wile E's ramshackle, deserted, and tumbleweed strewn message centre...*

You’ve tidied up!

I’ll never find anything now!

*hands on hips, feather duster in back pocket like tail plumage...*

I'll have you know that I've colour-coded and filed your tumbleweeds according to size and tumble-worthiness!

*grandly sweeps her hand in the direction of a glass display case full of colour-tagged tumbleweeds*

It's about time this place was tidied up and looked after!
And don't worry about all those sterling £££ notes that I burned...they'll soon be obsolete when Britain switches over to the Euro.

Nothing makes me sadder than a caged tumbleweed.

If I had any money, I’d invest in a programme to release them back into the wild.

Awww...you can take them out for walkies from time to time.







*grumbles*

*sniffs* Ok, they’ll just have to get used to being domesticated tumbleweeds.

*points*I think you missed a spot over there. *gives her a as she looks for the non-existent dusty patch*

*runs after him with a poised feather duster...*

This place is looking pretty good. I think I’ll invite the flying monkeys and uncle Wile E around.

*regains consciousness, surveys the mess, and slowly recalls fragments of the night before*

Uncle Wile E put all the tumbleweeds in a tumble-dryer to see what would happen!

*hangs a room service sign on the door handle*

*takes sign placard off door handle and unlocks thread door...*



*holds on to the white russian smeared and coated door to steady herself, but witnesses a scene of such outright horror that sheslumps to the floor unconscious...*

http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/2263/lebowski01et5.jpg

*comes to with a start and jumps to her feet quickly from the sticky refuse strewn floor only to re-live the horrific flashback of what she saw last before everything faded to black...*

Darny Poo! Everything *was* fine with Uncle Wile E chilling in the fridge with prescribed herbal and liquid inebriatory supplements for the past year. But nooooooooooo, you just *had* to let him out to thaw and wreak havoc here along with the flying monkeys...*muttermuttermutter*
I'd better find him before anything else happens!

*squelches and crunches her way across the thread, warily opening doors...*




http://img127.imageshack.us/img127/4417/uncinthetubtn2.jpg

*props up Uncle Wile E on a chair and wonders what to do with him... when the doorbell rings and a slip of paper is slid under the front door of the thread...*

A receipt of delivery!*peruses chit further* For produce as ordered... this freight order was charged to *my* credit card!
*opens door to see if she can flag down the delivery person reponsible for...*



http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/1482/monkeybaitky5.jpg

*stares in disbelief, then swings around to stare incredulously at the lone figure in front of her...*

http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/5091/uncwileewx5.jpg

*takes the final banana out of the freezer to defrost*

The monkeys only had a few bananas each, you know. They’ve got used to a more varied diet, under your influence.

*fixes another Banana Daiquiri and feels a bit *

* opens the door and is taken aback at once by the force of mawkish methane fumes that assail her...*



*when her eyes ease up on watering, she spies a gigantic bin - overflowing with rotten banana peels...*

Banana skin compost... or moonshine?!!!