h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd just found out that I was pregnant, the week previously. I awoke with incredible pain in my abdomen. My husband called the doctor who told me to stay in bed & he would visit. This was 1982, and there was a strike of health workers on. My doctor visited, checked me over, told me to stay in bed. I had 2 young daughters, so my husband had to stay off work to help. I got up once to go to the toilet and it was there that I lost my baby but I didn't know that at the time.
My husband went out for sanitary towels and called the doctor again, who came straight back. He called for an ambulance from my home, then left. My husband held my hand as we waited for the ambulance...he said he would rather lose the baby now, than near the end, if we ~were~ going to lose it {we had previously suffered a stillbirth, our first son}. I knew what he meant, but I still didn't want to lose my baby. I remember being carried down my own stairs in a chair by the ambulancemen...and my husband's face as I was being hoisted up into the ambulance...and my little girls crying.
As the ambulance arrived at the hospital, the entrance was covered by people picketing. They moved aside to let the ambulance through, though.
I was taken straight to surgery, as I was haemorraging badly.
I remember coming round on the ward, {after my D&C}; a nurse giving me a sip of water through a straw, then asking me if I wanted to see my husband.
I felt light-headed, drunk almost.
The pain was gone, and so was my baby, I felt...numb.
The life within me was gone, and I hugged my husband and sobbed.
The nurse said we could have another baby...
I didn't answer her.
As luck would have it, the time I was due with that baby, {Christmas}, I found out I was pregnant again, which helped get us through that painful time. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy in August 1983.

Ariel, your article looks wonderful; but just in case any of this will help....

I had just found out I was pregnant, it was my first baby, and I was so excited about it. I used to sing ‘I feel good!’ as I pottered around the house (especially that bit that goes ‘so good, so good, ‘cause I got YOU!&#8217 It felt so incredibly special to be pregnant.

And then at seven weeks, I started to bleed. I don’t remember if there was much pain, but I’d studied miscarriage at university, I knew what was happening. I can remember crouching down, and then losing a huge clot. I knew then that everything was all over. I didn’t know whether or not that was my baby I’d just lost, but the amount of bleeding just gave the whole thing away.

Because my husband had a job interview that day, and I knew he couldn’t do anything about it, and that if I told him, he might be too upset to get the job, I didn’t ring him until after his interview was over. He came straight home as soon as he knew.

I rang my GP, and he sent me up to the local casualty. My cervix was open, and the miscarriage was incomplete. They pulled some tissue out of my cervix and told me that contained the embryo. They put it in a little jar, and I asked if I could hold it. I still remember feeling like everyone looked at me funny because of that – wanting to hold a small jar with a bit of tissue in it; but they let me have it, and I just cried over it. That was my baby. The baby that I’d loved so much.

I had to have a D and C to stop the bleeding. I knew all about what was going to happen; everyone was really nice to me, but I still remember that just as they had the gas mask over my face to put me out, I just started sobbing.

That night in the ward, all I could think of is ‘this is the worst night of my life. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening’. I think that was the first time I’d ever truly experienced a broken heart. This awful thing had happened, and nobody could make it right. Nobody could ever bring my baby back. First thing in the morning, they let me go home, and I had to wear pads for a few days until the bleeding stopped.

I hadn’t told anyone that I was pregnant, and I really didn’t want to talk about miscarrying. So I only told my mother. Unfortunately, my mother’s response was ‘I had two miscarriages, and I got over them the same day’. I know she was only trying to help, but that made me feel like I shouldn’t grieve, and should just ‘get over’ it.

I fell pregnant again six months later, and gave birth to a healthy boy. Two and a half years after that, I had yet another healthy boy; and yet, even now, two children later, I cry as I write this. I loved that baby; I still do. And losing that baby killed inside of me all that joy and hope through being pregnant. I couldn’t be so joyful about the next two pregnancies. I didn’t feel that instant bond with the babies inside of me – I didn’t really bond until they were born. I think I was too scared to get close, just in case I lost them.

Good grief; how did that happen? All those weird symbols are supposed to be apostrophes

*hugsor*

Thanks GB, I needed that; I've done a lot of crying since first responding to the peer review on this article, but I'm sure it's a good thing. And it's nice to know there are people out there who understand

And back to you as well for what you went through

There's only people who have suffered the same, who can understand.
The blessing of having suffered, is comforting others who suffer the same thing.
Thanks, andright back!

I don't know if I can include your bit because its been recommended already... can I still add to it?
I'd like to.
In either case I'vebeen so... filled with wonder and grace by the things people have shared about their own experiences. Its been wonderful how open people have been. I think this has been such a healing time for me... its really the first time I've written about what happened to me last year... or even really talked about it in any way. Its been bottled up inside all this time. It feels good to finally share these feelings, comfort each other, and really start to heal.
I thought I might be pregnant this month, but I guess I was wrong Maybe soon, though. Its taken so long for me to even consider the possibility. I was so afraid of losing the baby again that I couldn't even think about it.
I wanted to say "Thank you" for being part of this.
Big hugs to you both!
If I can still add to the article I would like to add this one and another someone else sent who had a terrible experience.
cheers-
Ariel

Ariel, yes you can add to your entry. It's "yours" until the editing process starts. Then the "A" number will change, and it will appear as "pending" on your page. You will still have your old entry, but the edited entry will go into the guide. You will not have control over that one.
So you can add s,m or b's experience, and any other you think relevant. 's may be good!
You are right about the healing aspect of talking out your feelings. I hope you get your wish soon, I really do! You'll make a wonderful mum, because you will treasure your child so much.

You're welcome to use any of that that fits with your article. Congrats on it being accepted I was so stoked to see it! Good luck with getting pregnant; I hope it works out for you.