h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi PBS, long time no speak. How are you doing? I'm actually here to ask for your input. I'm trying to write a piece about Halal slaughter and I'm anxious to be as accurate as possible, but I'm running into a plethora of contradictory information. You can read the entry and the discussion about it here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F8003501?thread=4479200 As I hope you can see, I'm not trying to shit-stir, I'm trying to be as comprehensive and detached as possible. Can I possibly ask for your views?

Hi SWL.
I see that yor proposed entry has got them crawling out of the woodwork - I can't for the life of me think why – we are all just too bloody sensitive these days. Anyway it gave me some ‘jolly’ reading for a Sunday morning.
I wouldn’t disagree with any of it and would only make the following comments at all.
The length of the knife – four times as LONG as the width of the neck – there is no ‘reason’ given in the Koran but I think that farmers (or the good ones) then – as now – did care for their animals, and killed them as painlessly as possible (stun guns weren’t around at the time, so there is no mention of them). A long (compared to the animal’s nck), sharp knife will do the job in one, deft stroke. Try cutting a cow’s neck with a blunt penknife and you will understand.
I was brought up, not on, but adjacent to a farm in Devon. Many of the animals were slaughtered ‘on site’. I have (as an architect) also built a slaughterhouse. I don’t care ab eff about the ‘humane killing’ and all the tripe in the Welfare of Animals Slaughter or Killing Regulation 1995 - the animals are scared sh**less from the moment they approach the place. Slaughterhouses reek of fear and death – you can smell it, so can animals. Killing them ‘at home’, is a lot kinder as they don’t know anything about it until it is too late.
Here – at Eid Al Kabir, (also weddings, funerals, high-days and holidays) – animals are killed (at home) as a matter of course. The sheep may spend up to a week living with you (even in flats in town) before the event and the entire family – especially the children – gather round to admire the beasts. On the day, the entire family assemble, the sheep isn’t frightened as, by then, it is quite used to all the attention and being the star of the show. When the deed is done, it still shows little concern as the man or men (one will usually hold the animal while the other shaves its neck for a clean cut) – as far as it is concerned, it is just being groomed. Even if there are others ‘waiting their turn’, they show not the slightest concern as there is no smell of fear or death.
As for unconsciousness – it is difficult to ask someone who has just had their throat cut ‘how long it took’. I remember my father decapitating a chicken with a guillotine, when I was about four. He dropped the bird and it ran like hell, getting a goof 30 yards down the drive before it collapsed. The nervous system continues with the last set of instructions that the brain gave it before death – ‘get the f**k out of here’. The same with sheep – once the throat is cut, the animal is left on the ground and, it too, runs like hell, but it is on its side so doesn’t get anywhere. The action also helps to pump out the blood – which is why the animal is left alone until it stops moving. THAT takes a couple of minutes but if you try and tell me that the animal is conscious during that time, I will tell you that I don’t believe you. I have no scientific data but would suspect that unconsciousness is pretty instantaneous and again – with a very sharp knife – probably painless.
Now – if in the interests of hygene and kindness to dumb animals – you hang the thing up by its hind legs and put it on a conveyor belt to be stunned – don’t tell me that it will not be a little worried and is - to me - far more cruel.
As a child, I grew up seeing animals born, fed, raised and slaughtered. It was perfectly natural – we were fond of the animals but also aware that they were potential lunch. Here it is the same and the kids aren’t the slightest bit squeamish or sentimental. I have no objection to vegetarians (other than when they try and tell me I am wrong), but when one of them comes up with a solution as to who will look after all the lovely sheep, cows etc if they are not eaten, I will – maybe – listen to them. In the occidental world we live in a sanitised world that is unhealthy. My step daughter, aged ten, asked, "Dad – what IS roast lamb?” When I replied “Dead sheep”, she nearly vomited and became an instant veggie (for a couple of weeks).
So – the ‘Islam’ factor. As I have said before, the trouble is that Islam gets misinterpreted by man. ‘If it is in the book, it is the word of God and can’t be argued about’. What originated as a set of perfectly good rules (for pretty basic people) for killing animals humanely and hygienically, has – like so many other things – got warped out of all recognition.
Perhaps I should e-mail you on what I wrote about what the book says about alcohol (if I haven’t already).

Perhaps I should have posted that on the other thread as well?

Yup. That has common sense written all over it.

The question is, do I want to write an entire entry on animal slaughter as variously practiced? I don't want to get into ethics and morality, just a dry descriptor as it would very quickly turn into an opinion piece. I also don't want to be seen to be unfairly singling Islam out, but the word 'halal' is appearing all over the place in the UK now. Some educational authorities are insisting all their meat is halal to avoid offending 5% of pupils, without bothering to explain what halal is to the other 95%.

Perhaps I should write a small series of entries on animal slaughter? Trouble is, I only know about Kosher, Halal and the Western methods.

Hi SWL, PBS gave me the link to this conversation in an email, hope you don't mind me butting in here. My brother in law read your entry and wasn't the least bit offended. I think the problem you have is that - as all who know seem to agree - none or few of this is actually mentioned/written down in Qu'ran. As PBS said, stun guns weren't around at the time, but as my b-i-l and PBS both say, Islam doesn't allow for animals to be tortured - and yes, I'm convinced that cattle having been brought in a lorry from Poland all across Europe to Italy, too many cattle for the place, no water, no food, boiling heat or freezing cold -you get the scenario - for the few surviving cattle to be slaughtered, and the rest being processed to sausages or whatever regardless, this would not be possible to happen if halal slaughter was widely accepted. Just my

Don’t know. It is difficult to talk about ritual slaughter (with the possible exception of hunting, but that opens up an even worse can-of-worms) without bringing religion into it. As ALL religions seem to get their knickers in a twist if you don’t agree with whatever they happen to be peddling, it would be impossible to do it without upsetting someone. Whatever – you would certainly (already have) be accused of having a morbid fascination with death. Other than the knife 'long' as opposed to 'broad'- I think what you have written is perfectly OK.
What always interests me is that you hardly ever hear people complaining about fishing, which must be some of the most barbaric ways of killing anything. The argument seems to be that fish don’t have feelings. Has anyone asked the fish? I did once catch a 28 kg cobia off Aden. It took over an hour to reel it in and I didn’t for one-second get the impression that it’s antics in the water were, ‘hey guys – this is really FUN’. Still – it was damned good eating though so I pushed my real thoughts to the back of my mind.