h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good day, Wonko !

H2G2 being my primary online source of wisdom, I looked-up for "polyamory" some time ago, and found you name associated with a few discussions on the matter.

As my life is now starting to get seriously involved in a new development... I feel I am going to need some support and advice, as this lifestyle is not really mainstream, so there is a serious lack of references to make the damn thing work smoothly...

So, in short, just dropping a note to say "hi !", and "do you mind if I use your shoulder from time to time ?"...

Have a nice day !

Hi Connie,

very nice to hear from you. I'm not very active at H2G2, so it took so long for me to see your message. Sorry for that.

It will be a pleasure for me to exchange our views of polyamory and the world with you.

I like witches! Please do your love spell for me!!!

CU
Wonko

Thanks for your reply, and don't worry about the delay : better now than never !

I just realised that this is not the first time I stumble upon you in H2G2 : I have been happily flying every now and then thanks to one of your entries for the past two years !

From your personal space description, I could not make out whether you were currently in a multiple relationship (two wives, 4 kids), or if you had been sequentially married twice... Do you mind clarifying ?
Like I told you in my first message, I am somehow looking for a mentor to help me bouncing ideas about my new lifestyle ; I am currently with my boyfriend of 5 years Sam, and our lover Craig who has ben sharing our life for the past 6 months. And it is not easy everyday !
Actually, Craig is Sam's lover more than he is mine, even though I am falling very much in love with him. Maybe that's why it is not easy...

Got to go, hope to hear from you soon !

Vincent

Good to hear about your flying! Makes me happy that at least one tried it.

Well, the four of us are together, living some kind of polyamory. All of us agree that it is the best possible way to live together, as all relationships we have been in before did not work. Or, to say as it was: each one of us was nearly wrecked by the previous, normal relationships.

Now we are living happily together, but, and this is a big but, it constantly needs working on it. If you want an advice in one sentence, it goes like that:

Don't ask what your lovers can do for you, ask what you can do for your lovers.

One could reword it like that:

If you love your partner(s), you feel good for everything she or he gets, even if it comes from a different person.

Cu
Wonko

Thanks, that sounds a lot like what I believe in...

Actually, when I have the energy, it really feels good to do whatever I know they'll like : clean the house, bake something good, buy flowers, even sometimes go for a long walk so they have time together.
It really does.

But some other times, the energy is not that available or something, and it's "me, me, me ! I want something for me !"...
And all the different ways to be jealous ?
And when _that_ fuels little nasty plots to make me look like a victim ? (nothing big, really, just little things like looking miserable and not telling why...)

I don't know if it makes sense to you ?

You are right, I guess, when you say that this means constant working on it. But sometimes, I feel I am the only one to see that...

But when it does work, the LOVE there is !!!

Vincent

Ups and downs...

Hello there !
Remember me ?

Feeling a bit lost today, and I thought I could cry on your shoulder a bit, see if I can get some sort of useful advice...

My lover Sam and his lover Craig argue from time to time, hot tempered, it sometimes get a bit nasty (nasty words, slamming doors, going for a full-afternoon walk, etc.). But recently they have left a few of these arguments (mostly of futile origin, arguing more about the tone and communication styles than about the real issues at hand) without a clean closure, i.e. one of them probably thinking "OK, lets not talk about this again", and it is bringing a nasty climate...

Craig is just in the middle of a minor (but annoying) legal issue, and I believe this is also adding to the tension and getting on everyone's nerves...

My lover is actually getting to the point of crying almost every night because he is affraid of losing his love for Craig... He is feeling "colder" and a bit distant toward him these days.

This all makes me feel miserable, as I love both of them very much (one as a 6 years boyfriend, the other as "a brother I love very much", as I know there is no hope for me for a more intimate relationship). But there is nothing I see I can do.
And is there anything I _should_ do, anyway ?...
I was thinking of casting a spell on them to get them into hot passionate sex, as this has slowed down a little in the past weeks, and shutting down their brains for an hour or two woud probably help them to figure out the love they share, but I am probably not allowed to do that...

Sorry for all the whining and crying, I'd appreciate if you could just aknowledge my message, even if you don't have any medication to give me for my pain !

Hope you have a lovely day, whatever the Goddess has in store for you !

Vincent

Well, it seems there's something going on which will decide itself sometime soon.

Like the decision one of my wifes took by separating from me last week. So it's only me and my other wife left, and it looks like a bad divorce.

What have I learned from that: don't spend your time in miserable partnerships. If something is not working, quit it and do something new.

Does that soudn depressed. Yes, it is...

Whish you and me some happy and warmhearted partners.

I am so sorry to hear that !
Thanks for still taking a few minutes to answer my message, I highly appreciate.

I hope you can keep in your heart the love you share and shared with your partners, even when going through those emotional turmoils.
Don't let it spoil the relationship you still have, nor the beauty of whatever you shared with the partner that no longer wishes to share your life.

Warmest thoughts from me,


Vincent

Thanks for your kind words.

I think there are times in life where you have to take the next step and it's better not to look back.