h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This was originally an e-mail to Amy, but I thought it was worth all those who frequent my page and know me to see this.


To be honest I dont fully know whats up. Ive been so busy and wrapped up in things dealing with everyone else recently and dealing with all my work that ive only just managed to take a breath and look back. The term has ended yet im no more relaxed, in some ways I feel more worn, stressed and tired and I know the holiday ahead is going to take even more out of me. For some reason I feel rather unsettled, that something big will happen. Its not been easy recently for alot of those around me and Ive escaped pretty unharmed, but there does feel like something seriously wrong is going on and I cant yet put my finger on it. I dont even know if its something wrong in my life, Holly's or my other friends'. Ive recently become just so lethargic and bored, Ive begun questioning all my choices of late. Im having one of my crises of faith in myself and I cant restore myself to good feeling, nothing seems to be helping me, good words arent helping me. Im sliding slowly atm. Perhaps I just need a good Xmas break, perhaps its that I dont want to be away from Holly. We practically live together as it is. I need to find what it is thats causing this distress and sort it. I know what I have to do, I just cant till I know where Ive got to go in myself to sort it or who ive got to speak to to sort it.

I know this is your journal, so I only say this to help, but Im not incredibly great at the moment, despite things that should mean that I am, but the things that are really keeping me from folding in on myself are Stealth and doing everything possible to keep myself from listening to things in my head. As someone who attends no education and has no job (other than being a recipient of the mental health services), I can understand the boredom and the thing that Im trying to do is keep myself, and my brain, moving. I understand that with the lethargy you mentioned in your other journal that that might be hard and I am by no smegging means a person who has any right to tell you to fight for sanity and I am really really proud of you for doing so well despite your problems...hmm, not sure where I was going with that sentence........
Im waffling, but basically, hang in there , you have Holly, other friends and on here you have people including Amy, who is incredibly wonderful, and myself, but Im not so wonderful, so....you're loved!
[waffle ends for the heath of the reader]

.......

You are so wonderful, Suz, but let's not argue in Patrick's journal....

Patrick

Patrick... I have no answers, i never do, but maybe this will help -

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.
~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

maybe thats not appropriate... but maybe it is.