h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Morning Helghast

Just a quick note to say thanks for the pointers about X Box games and stuff for the lads. I know absolutely sweet B.A. about stuff like that (I have made a point of cherishing my ignornace, too), but every so often I feel I ought to do the mummish thing of providing something new to occupy their tiny minds......it's that, or beating them into submission.

By Sims, I assume we're talking Bart and Homer, are we?

I see I'm one of the few individuals you've visited, so far, as such; Whys that? Is it the name?

In which case, can I assume you're a Mr Pratchett reader?

You're welcome to visit my page and have a peruse, should you want to - and join in,if the conversations appeal.

And why Helghast? Is this some Gormonghast reference I haven't quite figured out yet?

Catch ya later!

A very good evening to you.

Sorry, this multi forum thing is a bit new to me!

The beating them into submission sounds a little harsh. Unless they really really deserve it!

Sims is a game where you take control of Simulated people. You can create your own families from scratch and, well, basically rule their lives. Sort of like being a mum, only without the smells.

My reason for visiting? Just browsing through the forums and your conversation caught my eye as I have a small passion for games. Bit of a techy, I'm afraid...

I do indeed read the works of the great Terry, though, and as a Watch fan your name did not gone unnoticed. Fine choice.

Helghast is sadly from a game. Please don't tell anyone. Not unless they pay you an awful lot of money. My cut is fifty percent.

Ok, ok, 45. But that's cutting my own throat.

Not a problem - in the end you'll get so many "threads" going you could end up weaving your own clothing once you get going!

Must admit, PC games arn't really my thing, but with 2 teens its a matter of having to keep up with the trends. Frankly I was content with them doing things to Sonic the Hedgehog on a Playbox(?)... oh for the good old days... I could work the controls for one thing - this X Box they've got has so many different waggly bits of the joystick I end up kicking my own charactors backside rather than shoot theirs - but its entertainment for em, laughing at mother's paltry attempts, I guesss.

Don't think I'll tell em about the Sims thing, tho - that sounds dangerously like too much inside information. I like to try and keep a couple of steps ahead of them....

I only beat them when there's a y in the month - honestly

And when I can find a step lader which will enable me to reach to give em a clip around the lughole

Mrs Cake gets her five full minutes of fame in Reaper Man - if you haven't read it, I can heartilly recommend it. The phrase Medium verging on large slayed me - PLUS I have - occasionally - an uncanny knack of knowing what folk will say in advance.

(But you just knew I was going to say that, right?

Prior to that, I was Witchone, because I couldn't decide which one of the witches I most resembled - or which one I would admit to resembling, anyway!


Apart from being a techie, what else do you like doing? Don't mind me, I'm just nosey.

Oh yes - don't worry, your identity secret's safe with me. The point about knowledge is to HAVE it - not to publicise it... most of the time

I see what you mean. I'll have to hire someone to keep track for me...

I have indeed read Reaper Man. A classic.

My other interests are primarily...unpacking (just got back from a long trip abroad), packing for trips abroad, reading (Pratchett is a MUST, though I am quite fond of Tom Holt), helping out at the two homeless shelters near where I live (I was homeless myself for 6 months so it's good to give a little back) and, sadly, working. I'm a consultant for a rather large American company specialising in (you guessed it) data systems. Have to bob over to the States every so often for "consolidation". To be honest, I'm trying to get out but they keep throwing money at me...the devils!

What about yourself? Apart from precognition, what else do you get up to?



PS Thanks for keeping the secret!

Coo... it must be hell - all that packing and unpacking and being bribed monetarilly to visit the States, doing a job you sound as if you rather enjoy on the quiet.....

Its probably a naive question, but I'm going to ask it anyway - what does "consolidation" REALLY mean? Do expense accounts and doing drinks enter the equation?

The homeless bit sounds like a GoodThing - as you say, its good to give back especially if you've been there yourself. If its not prying, how did you manage to get out of the spiral yourself? Because usually once there it can be a one way journey for a long time. I know - because I've near as damn been there myself.

Me? Gawd, now theres a can of worms! H'mm.

O-K. Currently unemployed due to Back Troubles (if you click on my name, it gets you to my page... and if you scroll down to "Journals" you'll find one called "By the time you are reading This" - if you're interested, just read the first 2 entries, which will bring you up to date with the last operation. I wouldn't recommend you read the whole backlog as there are now over 500 entries where my friends have joined in - unless of course you want to, in which case, feel free)

As a teen, worked by day as a permanently temporary clerk/secretary, by night I was heavilly involved in Am. Dram - backstage as well as front of stage, mainly constructing and deconstructing the sets.


In my twenties met the boys father, fell truely, definately madly, etc, sold up my home and emigrated to Eire (Far West) with him and lived through many and varied adventures there (dug turf, earnt a crust or two by doing One Woman Poetry readings, supply teaching and being head hunted by a rather prestigous theatre to become a professional actres for a short time! That was a GOOD year, that one was - oh, gave birth to my two little dears, as well in 87 and 88 respectively. Their da was sidetracked by Guiness and we parted company.

Mid thirties returned to blighty and decided I really OUGHT to get a trade and become a reasenably upright member of society just for a while, anyway. Studied and got my certs in Aromatherapy and Massage and became the World's worst Self Employed Business Woman (numerically dyslexic - and also, soft as grease!) Had lots MORE adventures... just because you're technically grown up doesn't stop you having fun I kept telling the lads.....

Now I'm in my fourties my adventurous yoof has caught up with me and I'm in the slow process of getting The Back sorted so I can resume working.... what I want to do, I don't know; my greatest sadness is that I doubt I'll ever be physically strong enough again to be able to massage professionally

As for passtimes, I read (anything, but I like well researched historical stuff as well as Pratchett/Holt, etc) write (500 poems and 25 years worth of diaries and counting) make occasional forays into arty farty stuff; it was soap making last year. This year it's stencilling. I try and make myself go to Aqua Arobics to keep mobile,... and my latest craze is trying not to fall over with laughing in the new Belly Dancing Class I found. Oh yes, and an occasional bit of voluntary Charity shop work when I have a "good day"

Apart from that.... mostly harmless, I guess.


You can wake up, now.....

Yes, the travelling is absolutely dreadful!

I actually do enjoy the job. It’s sufficiently interesting and it keeps me fed and clothed.

“Consolidation” to my bosses means a small course of understanding the latest initiatives in the business and basically having a few days networking at the expense of the company. They tend to be pretty snobby about things and pick really expensive hotels and conference centres.



The homeless thing...no problem with telling you. After 6 months on the streets I had managed to scrimp together a tiny sum that I thought would be enough to get me a flat for a week and therefore an address to receive benefits. It wasn’t. A guy at the shelters I frequented took pity on me and actually gave me an address to use for benefits, though I was still sleeping rough for a further two weeks. At first, I though it was very suspect, but having no choice, I went with it. Once my benefits arrived I was able to get a place of my own and immediately start a training course called “ECDL”. I found I had a knack for data systems and after numerous temp jobs I was finally given an opportunity of a career. I realise I was lucky. Very, very lucky. Many of the friends I had on the streets have died or turned to drugs and alcohol. Now, I don’t mind paying taxes to help those in the same tenuous position as I was (or anything similar), and I certainly don’t mind giving up my time to help out at the shelters.

I’ll give your homepage a look and read your journals, too. It does sound a little like reading your diary, but if the permission has been given...

I must get round to creating my own homepage too. Thanks for the remind.

Sorry to hear about your marital woes, but it sounds like it was worth it for the two little dears! I bet they serve as a constant (and noisy) reminder!

Aromatherapy and Massage. Now that’s a calling! There’s not enough of that in the world. I have a dodgy shoulder from a car crash and the massage I get every week is invaluable. Are you visiting anyone for your back? Chiropractor?

Good to see you are a reader, but a writer too? Blimey o’Reilly.

Mostly harmless...love it!

You could write a book yourself by the sound of it - OK, perhaps you *were* lucky (getting an address, I mean) but to grab that opportunity and carve a career out of it - now that takes a tad more than just "luck" Fair play to you Helghast - you must be a very determined person - after 6 months most of us would have gone under never to return.

Am I visiting anyone for the back?

...er... ... please, feel free, read the journals!!!!(Saves an awful lot of virtual ink!) currently having a course of accupuncture, which (fingers crossed) is doing miricles.

No prob you reading the journals... thats part of H2G2. Some use it for soul bearing, some for records and some (like me) just put in what *I* think will be of interest to me - if others like to join in, thats half the fun. If you feel like it, you'll also find a record of some of the pomes I contributed to The Post - don't think I put any of the published ones in (none too clever with copyright laws, me)

Strange how we all have a "talent" - yours is obviously computors and technical stuff - I managed to get a Clait 1, but I know an EDCL would be beyond me. I'll stick to easy stuff like writing, I think.

I'm a bit of a dinasour in that respect. If it ain't on paper, it doesn't seem real, somehow....

And finally...

I never claimed to be married to the lad's da! Daft I may have been... stoopid, even then, I wasn't! He may have been a bit of a bugger, but he created good kids - I wouldn't be without them... most of the time!

Earplugs are one of life's essentials, I assure you!

What about you? Do you have the joys of a familly?

Whats the nature of the shoulder injury? (Sorry, professional curiosity..)

PS If you're going to do an artical on George Doubleya I suggest you get in quick before there isn't any world left to read it

(Hope I haven't trodden on any political corns there. I must admit to be fairly politically ignorant)

And.... whereabouts in the Middle East? It's rather a big area?

Whoops!

FAR East.

.... never *was* terribly good at geography...

but the Far East is a pretty big place, too I've heard




Whats it like?

Hello again!

It would be a really short book! Seriously, I was just very lucky. I just happened to fall into things. I look back at those 6 months as the lowest I have ever been, so it's what I mark my life by. Sounds wishy washy, but every day I am not back there is an absolute blessing.

The journals are interesting. Quite cathartic. Though this Spinal Denervation sounds like something out of the dark ages. I'll have a look at the Post contributions too.

Sounds like you do have a real talent for the written word. Published?

Yikes! Pardon my error with the presumption of marriage. I'm always doing that. Happened a few months back with one of the American bosses. I overheard him talking about marriage and the next time I saw him I asked how he and the wife was. Turns out it's his husband. Open mouth, insert foot.

No family for me. One of the reasons I became homeless, actually. Had a close call with engagement some years back. Never worked out.

The shoulder was broken (scapula) and pierced on the trapezius. The ligaments on the levator anguli scap were wrecked too, but they are not quite as bad as they used to be. Was hell for a while. There's a really good sports injury clinic I went to for physio and they recommended a brilliant masseuse.

Just come back from Thailand, Vietnam and Japan. I have to go back to Japan. Amazing place. I just fell in love with it.

And as for GWB. Well, the guy's a buffoon. Sadly the American public are only just waking up to the fact that they have elected him back in and he's putting their nation in the toilet. Every time I go back there I get more dollars for my pounds. That just isn't right.

What did you think of Bill Bryson's "Everything" book?

H'mmm... have to agree with you re Mr B (and our one, too, if it comes to that, but lets lose the soap box for me before I clamber up onto it never to get down). I occasionally contribute to an American Forum and it does appear to me that they've finally realised that maybe they didn't make the best of decisions in re-electing him.....

My eldest lad is keenly political (and very cynical; I cannot IMAGINE where he gets that from) and keeps me vauguley up to date with stuff. Now that John Kerry and a few other senaotors have challenged his decision to remain in Iraq he'll have to eventually come clean about the lack of fossil fuels.... or so I imagine. I've come to the conclusion that most wars are based on economic stuff rather than the altruistic reasens we are offered. "Whats a politician mam" my kids asked me in Eire "A professional liar darling" I replied)

ANYWAY, moving swiftly on ... I too, ought to apologise - after I'd posted it occured to me you probably wouldn't have family as such - thats a lot of the reasens behind homelessness in an awful lot of cases, isn't it? Please excuse the tactlessness.

I'm not close to mine - long convoluted story, so I've whimiscally decided to start off a new dynasty with my 2.

As I remarked elsewhere, everyone's familly tree has to start somewhere, why not with me?

M'mm the spinal denervation WAS like something out the Middle Ages, it occured to me, too. I was simply unlucky that it caused so much grief afterwards - in 90% cases, brutal as the procedure is, it does give a lot of people good results. Your shoulder injury sounds horrendous - and ruddy painful, too; ligaments really *do* hurt when they go - I know because when I had a spontaneous dislocation and relocation of the elbow the ligs and tendons were ripped and I spent a few rather miserable weeks whinging quietly about them, so you have my sympathy!

Its not wishy washy atall having a yard stick as such to measure your life by - sounds like straight common sense to me; I've a couple of such where you think "Right. *This* far and no further" - some of us actually need to really be there and buy the tee shirt - thats my excuse and I stick to it firmly, anyway! I think, as you found though, you just have to just go with the flow when you're low, rather than try and waste energy fighting uselessly. Fight, by all means, but at the right time - and if you go with the flow, then the right time happens without effort on one's own part.

Difficult to explain, but it somehow or the other works!

I was published - in Eire. One under a pen name and two other anthologies under my own, three years in a row. It was great - we all got free beer and buns (and free copies of the book, naturally!) and five minutes of local fame and it was a hoot. First time I was published though was at age 9, in a kids anthology.


My youngest beat me by a year and had his first bit of work published when he was 8, little beast! He's very bright academically, my youngest - if he doesn't slip and become a bank manager/robber, I think he could have a bright future as a journalist. He's managed to combine sensitivity with a very hard headed approach, which is rare at 16.


Actually, its rare at any age, but 16 is remarkable. Its more a case of him and his brother teaching me about life than vice versa, now. They've certainly got the hang of human politics a lot better than I did at their age!

Bill Bryson's book? loved it! I'm not a scienc-ey person, but I found the whole thing fascinating. Its one of those books that are easy to read, and you can absorb facts like a sponge without having to overstretch the brain cell. I see you're into science and sci fi - you'll be in good company "here" - there's a huge number of bods who are into games, and Star Wars and all sorts of sci fi stuff that goes over my head.. plus if you search around, I think a few of the more serious Science Bods have set up a forum eyecatchingly called S-ex, which as far as I can see is "science Explained" for the common man. I ought to get around to having a proper look at that, I think, at some point.


Granted, the book destroyed a few cherished thories, but I can ignore those... I STILL like to believe that light bulbs are controlled by magic - it's more fun. I believe wholeheartedly in elevating scattiness to an Art Form... that's going to be my life's task until I can be promoted to the ranks of OAP when I can legitametly wear purple and a red hat that doesn't go! Then I will become officially eccentric. And remember the author of that particually excellent poem, too. Think it was Jenny Johnson, I'll have to check.

Thats the plan, anyway....

Just come back from the Physio Terrorist - I've had a coffee and now its on with the rest of the day.... and having seen the state of the place, I think housework will have to be given high priorty

Such an interesting life I lead!<

Hi there.

Not been about for a few days due to Live8 and a few days in London to recover! I hope you are well and your visit to the physio has left you able of body and mind.

On the subject of Mr. Bush, he's in a bit of bother with one of his staffers, Karl Rove. It all may be about to hit the fan...

No need to apologise about you mentioning my family. The only family I did have was my mum, but I have not seen or heard from her in a decade. To be frank, I have no idea if she is dead or alive.

You have my heartfelt sympathies with the back problem. I spoke to someone at work who had denervation. It did not work for him either, it seems. He had a short term improvement, but that was all. If you're going through a tenth of the pain he described to me then you are very brave indeed!!

Wow! Published too! Result! At the age of 9?? And look, you have a child prodigy too! Must be in the genes.

Your two boys sound very together. Glad to hear it. There's a lot of bleakness ahead for kids these days. Sometimes things just don't seem to get better, but it's good to see people actually get on and have a decent shot at life.

I enjoyed Bryson's book and find his writing style refreshing. I can still remember when i finished Notes From A Small Island, as I picked it up and read it again straight after.

Housework....my god, that is the bane of my life. Sometimes I think it would be a lot easier to stay in a hotel and sell up!

Woo hoo - Live 8 - it looked a brilliant gig - lucky old you. From what I saw, it looked superbe..and what a line up! AND you got to see something I never have done - at last the re union of Floyd

I really envy you in the nicest sort of way!


I went to the freebie concert in Hyde Park (the original one, that sort of kick started the whole thing of Musicians DOING stuff for World Peace/Hunger, etc) and it was brilliant then (apart from when I had to be hoisted off the railings because I caught my jeans pocket over the railings.... I mean, why use a gate when you can do something stupid and fun?), which was 'way back in 79 or 80, I think. Around that time, anyway

- I mitched off work "with a cold" (as you do) ... but I hadn't reckoned on the power of the media... guess who got a recognisable picture in the papers, which of course, was presented me when I returned to work on the Mondday?

Ah well... jobs were much much easier to lose and find then. (yes, I know, my age is showing!)

Its not so much being brave,re the back, really Helghast, it's just a matter of *having* to just get on with stuff and try (unsucessfully, some days) to not let the whole mess pull you down too much.

I've always been a cussed mare - possibly a trainee anachist - and all I do is use the anger I feel, constructively rather than destructively - which can, on occasions make me appear aggressive or authoritarian, depending on the wimpability of the other person, I guess!

If you rummage thru the journals and my convo's you can see a steady improvement since April - but before then I never was quite so vulnerable and open as I've become now, "on screen" as such. As you said, quite cathartic in a strange way for me. I'm wary of admitting to feeling weak/in pain simply because it was never expedient to do so, throughout childhood and beyond. Where I lived, if you admitted to being soft you got a kicking, so it wasn't very wise to do so!

If - changing the subject a little - you're "localish" to London, or at least within commuting distance, are you going to be joing us in Hyde Park on the 16th of this month? (Saturday week) H2G2 have an annual summer meeting (this would be the first one I've attended) but it sounds like a good day out. It's all ages and the screen names at least will be familiar after a while. I think, as a crowd of people, we really would come under the heading of Mostly Harmless.

Yeah... I think my two lads are pretty together - I'd like em even if they were nothing to do with me, I think. The eldest lad is 18 this Saturday, and I was really touched that he asked if I would be the first one to buy his his first legal pint. He's just started a job with a small firm of Landscape gardeners and he's loving it, despite the stiff muscles and callouses.

The younger one's just finished his GCSe's and is deciding whether to inflict his school with his presence in 6th Form (he's one of those pupils that teachers like to have because he gets good results, but he's a cocky little beast with attitude who I would NOT want to teach if it were me!). It's that or college... or if he can swing it, some form of job for a year with his friend's dad, until he really sorts out what he wants to do.

At the moment, his burning desire is for lots of money... naturally!

Alas, housework is with us always.. I have a carer come in a couple of times a week to do the heavy, boring stuff like lift and cart stuff around, and hoover still, but much as I like her, I really would prefer to do that for myself.

What with the swimming I'm still struggling to get back into on a regular basis, and the ubiquitous belly dancing, which is the best fun sine granny got her left appedage caught in the mangle I've had for a long time (yes, yes, I should get out more, I know....) hopefully the musculature should be back in trim by the end of the year.

And added to that, the accupuncture is causing a minor miracle each week, so who knows? Despite having the label of DLA on me soon, I may even get back to some form of gainful employment this time next year.

Not sure what, exactly, but I'll find something

Catch ya later!

Helghast

-drop us a post to let us know you're OK after this mornings chaos in London today, will you?

I get the impression you're probably not "local" to there, but nevertheless, it'd be nice to know you're safe and well.

Cheers.

Hi.

All ok. I was in Surrey on the way to Clapham when it happened, so was way out of the blasts. It's taken me a while to get back home and organised.

My good friend was in Victoria Station, and knew right off they were bombs. He was in the SAS for ten years and heard plenty of them in his time.

Thanks for the concern. Much appreciated.

Good to hear you're safe and well - thanks for letting me know!

M'mm - I'd imagine bombs, once heard are sort of memorable - my nearest "London" station is Victoria - it's part of the crisis I never think of, the noise...

I'm so glad I'm over 60 miles away from the capital - the inhabitants there must be feeling really strained and weird today, geting back to normal - well, as normal as it can be for them, I guess.

What a bloody mess, eh?

Absolutely.

Horrible thing to happen. I know it sounds a bit nasty, but it could have been worse had it have happened during Live8. The trains were bursting at the seams, then...

Don't - that thought occured to me, too.

I wonder... possibly I'm being over machevellian here - had London NOT been awarded the Olympics, would it have been Paris, do you think?

It's hard to say, but this was probably all about the G8 and to stress that no-one is safe.

Hopefully they will find those responsible soon.

In the meantime, there's still a lot of bodies that need to be recovered. That must be the worst job in the world.

As a side note to my locale...I'm based in Milton Keynes at the moment, though I lived in Pimlico until last year.

And you admit to *living* there!? I was reading(OK, rereading) Pratchett's Good Omens last night and he and Niel Gaimen had an interesting footnote as to Milton Keynes!

Ah well, someone's got to live there, I guess.. when I watched (as a kid) Thamesmead being built it was said it was going to be the South East's new Milton Keynes... however, all I can say for Thamesmead is that some parts of it look good from a distance, but by the time I left the area (and I never DID quite figure out if there was a connection) it was the sort of place you avoided after around 5.00pm, even in the summer.....how would Milton Keynes compare? It has the most regular street layout I've ever seen. Isn't it hard to figure out where you are if you're a bit directionally challenged - or are there landmarks you can use - other than street names, of course? Being dyslexic, I tend to utilise things like trees, or shops - gave up using "Thats where the red car was parked when I left the area" because the red car owner didn't realise I was using their car as landmark and drove off!- or pubs. Even living in my little town, i still don't really know the street names well enough to direct anyone

Yeah... the body recovery business must be horrendous - I've got some mates in the Police Force, and I get to hear some of the stuff that isn't on general public release; again, when I was younger, many's the time I've sat up with newbies to the force not exactly nursing them about the nightmares, but at least trying to help dilute their memories by listening.

It usually involved large amounts of alchohol, but it was a means to an end... and I learnt a lot about the merits of different brands of whisky (and whiskey...) A mispent youth from what I remember of it!

Ironically, before this Back took over as it has done lately, I tried joining the force as an incidents telephonist - you know, the 999 room. I think it would be rewarding work, if a little harrowing at times, and I'd really like to do a job that is "useful", albeit not exactly glamourous.

I was brought up on SE Kent/NW London borders, but lived all over the place - East Ham, then down near Croydon, and then lived in Eire for 12 years - spent the first year in a camper van touring the whole island, and fetching up on the West Coast - firstly in Co Galway, and finally settling in Mayo for the best part of 10 years - probably the longest time I ever settled anywhere during adulthood. Then back to GB,,, to my home town for a couple of years rescue work from a rash of familly deaths, then to Cambs....then back to Kent, but this time on the coast in a little seaside town, locally known as Gods Waiting Room! Its OK here - the sea's about 500 yds away, and there's civilised stuff like a pool and a cinema - and Canterbury with its theatre is only a few miles away, and easy to get to. I'll wait till the boys get established in their own lives and then consider if I want to move again. I rather fancy somewhere warm, but it'll mean learning another language I suppose, and I'm merely fluent in gibberish, alas.

Have you had an opportunity to have a look at the Science forum yet? There's some good stuff on it - even a discussion on Aromatherapy, so I stuck my twopennorth in, but since then, that thread has died. I cannent imagine why!