Journal Entries
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early-mid-twenties malaise
Posted Jan 10, 2001
...is this my "Generation X" moment. I've become so inward looking and negative it's a surprise I can even lift myself from my bed daily. In a few days I will be twenty four, and I have achieved absolutely nothing with my life. I can't rack up any medals, certificates or acknowledgements of a "job well done". I fear that if I let these thoughts and those similar to them rise to the fore I will be incredibly ill for a long time. I need some positivity, but no matter how hard I look any glimmer of redemption is swamped with protocol, disappointment and cashcashcash.
...this is a low.
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Latest reply: Jan 10, 2001
Being Gareth Murphy
Posted Jan 3, 2001
...it is now the third of Janvier 2001 and today (officially) is the first day of the new year for me, ie; the first day I have emerged from my pit to get up and engage in *life*. The holiday was tiresomely predictable...yes, we all got drunk...yes, we all imbibed drugs and had *mad* experiences. Pretty much the same as any other weekend really.
...but anyway...I'm determined to leave the whole sorry, sad spiral which was 2000 behind - and today I intend to scrape its remaining sorry crust from my suit and get a job. Full report later.
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Latest reply: Jan 3, 2001
"Living in a silent film..."
Posted Dec 5, 2000
...it's been quite a while but after the loss of my *third* physical diary this year I decide that this is the best place to store my thoughts, at least until I can find something less easily swiped to transfer everything into. A lot has happened, and also very little of note has taken place. Depends where you're coming from really. Socially, I have been having a ravenous time - as per usual. Both myself and Cathy have moved to Dunluce Avenue (near the genito-urinary clinic, conveniently enough) and her Mancunian other-half has also taken up residence with us. He's quite nice - but ten years our senior and the age gap is slowly but surely beginning to show (Saturday nights in watching Anne Robinson castrating innocents on "The Weakest link" isn't really my cup of tea...but maybe it's Cathy's...).
...college is going to pot. My motivation dwindles sharply when I realise things could actually - for once - take a positive academic turn in my life. I seem to be afraid...or maybe it's just the 'last-minute' complex, wherein one waits for everything to pile up to impossible levels to spur themselves into action. Methinks the latter. My mood is incredibly sombre. Nothing seems to be holding much positivity or colour at present and I appear determined to fulfill my many detractors prophecies.
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Latest reply: Dec 5, 2000
"Pale blinds drawn on day, nothing to do, nothing to say..."
Posted Oct 7, 2000
..there seems to be a greyness permeating everything I see today..northern towns always have this bizarre quality which enables them to turn the brightest of trees or lawns a muddy blue. I am in the computer lab once more, biding my time...hiding, not able to leave this train of white sterile plastic and face the dullness of the day. The people I can turn to to talk to are dropping like flies around me.
I need some *stimulation*! Music just won't suffice...there is only so far out of this void that particular brand of escapism allows.
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Latest reply: Oct 7, 2000
"The gospel according to Tony Day..ba, ba, ba, da, ba, ba, dap, dap"
Posted Oct 7, 2000
...I often find myself wondering on occassions like this if it's really worth my while building friendships, forging them, working at them...struggling over the odds to make sure they have some degree of longevity. How can people throw things like these away over trivialities, over *nothing*.
...and why, oh why, does the construction of a new social link ALWAYS have to result in the staged destruction of an established one..?
...people are strange.
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Latest reply: Oct 7, 2000
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Glamracket
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