h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~walks in with his arms full of very strange black stuff~

I've got all this stuff for you, and you've sneaked off somewhere again.
I'm not leaving it here for just anyone to get hold of, it's very valuable.

~walks out with it again~

Oi!
You miserable old git, come back with my stuff!
~Leans against wall panting~
You have any idea how difficult it is to get here without skates on?

~comes back~

No, I haven't.

Oh dear, I forgot to bring what I came for.
I'll go back and get it. I won't be long.
~goes out again~

Oh, hurry up, hurry up!
I've been waiting for this stuff since the dawn of time, and now you're teasing me !

~comes back in~
I never tease. I haven't got time, now come over here and let me show you this stuff.
And don't touch before I say you can.
Get off, go and stand over there, where you can see but can't interfere.

But I wanna touch!
Lovely and shiny!
~Stands where told, but dancing from one foot to the other~
Hurry up, hurry up!

What do you want to see first? I made everything you asked for.

Stand still! You're making me feel ill, bobbing up and down like that.

Oh, decisions, decisions!
You shouldn't ask me to make those! It's not fair!
Gloves!
No, Boots!
~Faills miserably to stand still~

~stops looking at Calamity as she makes him feel sick~

Boots, there you are, exactly as you ordered them. With a slight modification. Very quiet these are, my fine workmanship, and nothing to do with those noisy goblins at all.
Although the mad scientist one's not entirely useless.

Ohh, they're lovely!
Better have the shorts next, then I can try the boots on, eh?

Shorts? What shorts?

There's supposed to be hot pants?

Hot pants?

Oh, these underwear things?
~hold them out with a pair of tongs, trying not to look~

Here you are, I got Kandi to do most of the work on these, but they'll fool anyone.

~A suddenly naked Calamity grabs them with a squeal and wriggles into them~
Oh, they're perfect!
~Wriggles about some more while smoothing them with her hands. Then pulls on boots~

~turns his back on Calamity~
Now I do feel ill. Help yourself to the rest of the stuff. When you're dressed again come and find me and I'll show you how it works.

~leaves quickly, almost running~

~Calamity looks down and suddenly realises that she is naked~
OH!
~Pulls on halter top and gloves quickly~
Art? Art! I'm dressed now, honest!
~Sets off in the direction that Art was last seen~

Goodnes me is this a private show, can I have a ticket?

There's a penalty for lateness, my boy!
How did you get in, anyway?
Art!
How did he get in?

I followed a man in, he seemed quite eager to get in so I followed.
I'll just be going

He got in because you are a very silly child and didn't lock the door