h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It seems like every minute of my free time is spent wondering when or if I will get to talk to Cheyenne again. I miss her so very much.

11/18/2000 : Time for an update. Well, I have not seen Cheyenne again and for the last couple of weeks I have not made an attempt to communicate with her. I still do miss her and when I think of her it is with fondness and warmth.

I have reduced the time in which I think of her to a few minutes a day. I imagine her being happy. The selfish part of me hopes that she occasionally thinks of me and smiles.

All I can think is "oh my god" Is that Cyeyenne I got to talk to last night. Neat!

All I can think is "oh my god" Is that Cheyenne I got to talk to last night. Neat!

All I can think is "oh my god" Is that Cheyenne I got to talk to last night. Neat!

Oops

Okay, what is it today? August 8th, 2001. I am a pretty happy guy. Got to spend some time with Cheyenne. Not nearly enough, but every second I get is just... uh... wonderful.

All I want to do is make her happy. Or is that help her be happy? I actually want to be a good part in her life. How about this... I want to do things "with her, for her and to her". To say I'm smitten is an understatement (and use of a really old outdated word).


Time for the fear. I don't want to lose her but feel that it'll only be a matter of time before I do. Is there anything I can do to prevent it? I will search for a way.

Last night (10/10/2001) sure wasn't the way... Cheyenne, I am sorry I acted like such a dick. It was totally uncalled for.

10/16/2001

It's almost been a year, but when a couple of days pass, I still feel the same way... missing her and wondering if I will have the good fortune to see her again. Hopefully, I will get to spend some time with her tonight.

oops. Seems like I'm getting my dates mixed up again. The last 2 entries are from August. Last time I checked this was month #8.

Anyway, last night we (me & Cheyenne) had the "we're just friends" talk. It was probably a bit overdue. I had to have my heart broken while it is still possible to be mended.

Friends? I can do friends

Today is Feb 17, 2002.

It has been an interesting few months. Me and Cheyenne are still friends believe it or not. There were times where I really thought I had blown it because I fell in love with her. I still do love her, but want to be there for her as a friend - especially in the times where she needs one.

I am still in love. We went on a vacation (holiday) in Florida for a week (as friends) March 24 thru 31. I had a great time and I'm pretty sure she had a good time too.

Today, she let me know that her boyfriend and his daughter are moving in with her. She's a little bit nervous over the whole thing, but I know that she'll be okay. Personally I think it's a bit early for such a move (they've only been dating for 2 months), but I wish them all of the luck in the world. I hope she has found happiness.

Am I hurt? I would be lying if I said that I'm not, but my love for her overshadows any pain that I may feel at the moment.

* can't think of anything to say. still would like to let him know she's impressed with his emotional strength *

here's some for you!

_this_ (wishing a person the best of all possible lives - almost no matter if you're going to be a real part of it - no matter how _much_ you yearn for being a real part of it) for me is the definition of true love.


it's just not fair - why can't everybody just find what makes him/her happy _without_ making someone else sad?

I don't get it. find it VERY stupid indeed.

still:

Hey - wow. Hi Sunny. Thanks for the . Here is a back at cha! I didn't think anyone made it this deep into the recesses of the machine.

Sadness. I suppose I will deal with it as long as I can keep her in my life as a friend. I still want the very best for her. I met her new boyfriend once - seems like one of "the good guys". I know she would like me to fall in love with someone who could love me back (in that way), but it's weird - I really don't see that happening. Being alone has certain advantages to it.

'I didn't think anyone made it this deep into the recesses of the machine.'

comes from it being your _newest_ journal entry ...



as for your love life: I only hope you won't be disappointed, even if you meet 'the right one'.


what else can I say?
liking to be alone certainly _is_ a big advantage.
in my opinion there simply (and sadly) is no guarantee to ever find _that_ kind of love.
you know how strongly you can feel for somebody. it's not always a gift (but who am I telling...)

I wish you all the luck on

One of my goals for life is to not be disappointed by it.

This is so tough. My friend is not having a good time with the whole life thing right now. She called me tonight thinking she's on the edge of a mental breakdown. I wish there were something I could do to help her. I feel so helpless. Nothing has been going right for her for awhile now and everything is attacking her from all directions - bills - work - relationships (current and past) - family - kinds - death (recent and pending).

Some of the burden is my "fault" although I really don't think that's the right word for it.

Other than telling her to tackle one problem at a time, living day to day, and having her focus on the good - what can I do?

Well, she hasn't found happiness - kicked the guy out last week. More in a while

I still love her with all of my heart. I am frustrated that I can't let her be. I am frustrated that I can't love her in the way she wants me to love her. I am sad.