h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The scene: The NorVa theater in Norfolk, Virginia, a turn of the century movie house converted to a standing-only concert hall. The crowd is packed up towards the stage bouncing to Kenny Wayne Shepherd's blues guitar.

A gal squeezes past into a tiny opening in front of me. I look as she brushes by, feeling her skin touch mine. Nice body, excellent cleavage. She begins bouncing to the music, occasionally brushing me. What a treat. She turns between songs, "My name is Liz. I'm sorry I keep hitting you."

"Oh, I'm not sorry, darlin', this is the most fun I've had all week!"

The music continues and so does her dancing. Her butt brushes my groin again and again. I get an unavoidable erection. I want to put my arms around her and pull her closer. Her pattern of dancing becomes my organized against my groin, and I am in heaven.

Alas, a couple in front of her squeezes out of the crowd and head for the bar. She moves up. Gone.

Her dancing continues. Abruptly she turns around and pulls me forward. "I want to know who is behind me!" she smiles and resumes her dancing, rubbing up and down against my bulging jeans.

The last encore ends and the crowd begins to leave. I embrace Liz goodnight and as we file out of the theater Liz gets lost in the crowd.

{rushes over to Y.W. and hugs him, tight!} I've missed you soooooo much! Wasn't sure if you'd come back here, after the holocaust. And I'm not sure they won't decide to nuke us again, if someone is offended and complains. But you did keep your clothes on, and there was no exchange of bodily fluids...do you suppose they're gonna consider you obscene for just THINKING about it? I mean, c'mon...EVERYBODY thinks about it!

Have to run now, darlin'. Mark Moxxon is having a town meeting regarding where the lines should be drawn in this place, and I think I'm gonna stand up and have my say. And he's asking for the input of the h2g2 community, so if anyone wants to put his or her two cents in, now's the time. Wish I knew how to make a link, here, but would somebody who's not a cybermoron please post one for me?

{kisses Y.W. long and lovingly on the mouth-- yes, Mrs. Grundy, bodily fluids were exchanged, and it was GOOD!} Wish me Bon Courage, darlin'... Winks and waves, and walks proudly out the door.}

SEGMENT NO. 2
[...Liz gets lost in the crowd.]
Or so I think.
Imagine my surprise, though, when I see her standing on the far edge of the sidewalk facing the NorVa door as I come outside. She steps toward me. "I need one more hug before going home," she says. She steps into my outstretched arms. She presses against me. My heart races. My jeans bulge. She smiles, presses hard against me, steps back. "Here," she says, pressing a folded piece of paper into my hand. She turns away. Another wet spot is beginning to show on my jeans.
When she is gone, I unfold the paper. There's a Norfolk telephone number.