Journal Entries
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abagel
Posted Jan 17, 2001
abagel (1)- vb. to cut oneself while trying to cut a piece of toast that has not yet been toasted.
abagel (2)- n. a mentally unstable cow.
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Jan 17, 2001
fish
Posted Nov 11, 2000
What's with this? They changed the fish! I liked the old fish. Hrmph. 
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 11, 2000
By Priyanka Srinivasan (spelling errors are sic)
Posted Oct 16, 2000
"I see," said the blind moose to the evil rat next to the fat gremlin in pajama pants that sat next to a cow, wearing a thick leather jacket. How ironic.
Said the pig, "it must be an abagel."
"Hearken!" said the fat frog. "'Tis not an abagel, but a cow wearing a jacket!"
"It looks like a frog," said the evil rabbit
"Ahahahahhh!" said the frog. "Do not eat me for i taste like bland chicken."
"Of course not," said the evil rabbit, now glaring evilly with its one remaining eye, "your legs are the only ones that taste of chicken."
"Yes," said the old, wise warthog, "the rest of him tastes like evil rabbit."
"You wanna a piece of me?" said the rabbit angrily, his one eye twinkling with rage.
"No," continued the wise warthog, "I was about to finsh that evil rabbits taste like rotten rat guts."
"That's it," screamed the evil rabbit. "I'm going to git you!!!" and he pounced with all of his evil might onto the wise warthog.
But alas! the wise warthog was too wise for the evil rabbit and jumped behind the cow wearing a leather jacket.
The cow mooooed. It saw the evil rabbit coming forth and exclaimed, "Aaah. Leave me be evil wabbit orh i whill bheat you whith my jhackettt like this!"
And he swung his oversized leather "jhackettt" on top of the evil, angry one-eyed rabbit, which let out a whail.
"Get this stupid, ugly piece of froghide off of me!" And at the same moment, the kind and gentil mole went and carefully tugged the jacket off.
"Iiiiii---mmm- mr. mole....." he said, for mr. mole was very shy indeed. "Iiiii wanttt to bbbe yyyyerr frrriend, eeevvilll onnee-eyyyeed rrrapbbittt..." and he smiled a fat, angelic, satisfying, and quite disarming smile.
In fact, it was so disarming that the rest of the animals smiled back in appreciation.
It was too disarming, that smile....
.....but not quite disarming for the evil-one eye rabbit.
"Aaaahhhhhh! You stupid mole!! Go back to your lake!!! I can't believe you want to be my friend!!!! GIVE ME THAT JACKET BACK!!!!!"
Well, any mole would have gone back to his or her "lake" (if that's where moles live. Which is not true, since moles don't live in a pool of water like an ugly stinky fish, for they live underground,) but mr. mole was extremely sensitive and mr. mole burst out in tears. "Wwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh......wwwwwwahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"
And he cried a lot for an extremely long time until mr. anteater came along.
"Waaaaasssssssupppppp," said the ghetto anteater.
"Nothing," said the cow, whose leather jacket was being used to gather the tears of mr. mole, which were steadily accumulating into a giant pool.
"G-dawgs, you homies need to cum on down to ma ghe-tto sumtime, ya'll hear?"
"Yes," said the cow, "of course, mr. anteater. Where exactly is this ghe-tto of sorts?"
"Well, homies--hearken, dawgs!" and mr anteater stomps on a couple of ants with his giant feet and sucks them up.
"Well g-homies, i got to tell you's where ma ghe--tto is but iz reall se-cret-o ya know so you're gonna have to hang with me sum other time, right?"
"Right," said the cow.
Actually the cow, at this point was more concerned with his leather jacket which was soaked beyond recognition, not at all concerned about the anteater who hadn't even noticed the bawling mole because he was too concerned with this "G-dawg ghe-tto" of his.
Then along came the water buffalo, actually "along came" is too sweet of a way to put it, for the "buffalo" actually stampeded into the throng of animals, and waded across the pool created by the mole.
A few of these water buffalo, however, for some reason or another were not accustomed to the water, (even though this is part of their habittat,) and they slipped and fell on top of the mole.
"Hearken!" you may say. "What happened to the poor mole??????"
The mole, actually, was unharmed.
Mr. mole kept up his bawling even after the few water buffalo dislodged themselves from the mud.
"Grrrhrhhrhrhhrhrhrh.....duhhhhh...uhhh.....weeeee ssllipeeereeed and fellsssss," observed one water buffalo.
"Yes you did," said the wise warthog.
Many of the animals in the throng spoke of their admiration for the wise warthog, "he truly is a wise one."
"Yes that hog, the wisest one that ever crossed my path."
Some simply stared in awe of the "wise one."
How, you are probably wondering what had become of the evil, one eyed rabbit.
Are you?
The evil one-eyed rabbit had not drowned in the pool of salty tears, like one may hope. No, actually, quite the contrary, the evil rabbit was alive and well........
All this time he had been trying to chase after the frog, for the one-eyed rabbit felt that this was all the frog's fault.
Finally, the evil rabbit caught the frog by one of his "tastes like chicken" legs and dragged him to mr. mole. However, the cow did not think much of this.
And we all know that the cow is the leader.
No one ever talks back to the cow.
His trademark was the leather jacket. Anyone who wore the leather jacket was the leader.
The rabbit, however, evil as he was (don't forget that he was one-eyed,) was also very slow indeed. This is one of the many reasons he lost his eye, but that is a long story. Anyhow, the rabbit had only figured out that the jacket denoted leader. So the rabbit dived down into the bottomless pool of tears in search of the jacket.
The cow, slow also, only just realized what was going on. "I cannot lose my leather jacket!!" he screamed. "Someone help me!!!"
However, no one was willing to help. Not even the water buffalo. "Hey you," screamed the cow to the buffalo, "You can swim! Get me my JACKET!"
"Ummmmm....well.... ummm...." said the buffalo. For it was well known among the buffalo that this buffalo, named Bob, was a runt of the litter, and he could not swim worth a salt lick.
Well, while Bob was telling the others the fascinating "story of his life" (many of the animals broke down into sobs,) the cow was slowly seeing his jacket being torn away from him.
Well, was the cow going to stand for this?
Huh? was he?
NO! of course not. "TALLYHO, EVIL ONE-EYED RABBIT! I WILL GET THEE! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!" And he jumped into the lake right after him.
Well, the lake as it may seem, was now very large. And all chemistry graduates know that when there is a large body of water and a two ton cow with an attitude, they don't mix very well.
SPLASH.
An earsplitting roaring sound was what many of the animals heard as the cow threw his magnificent 2 ton self into the giant pool of saltwater. There was a long moment of silence (except of course the bawling mole, who continued to bawl.) Then suddenly the evil one-eyed rabbit rode to the surface along with the cow, fighting brutally for the leather jacket.
The animals were aghast with fear. The water buffalo gave a "yelp!" And suddenly he felt a strong surge of courage as he saw the cow sinking into the lake. "I must save him!" said the buffalo.
"NO BOB NO!!!!" screamed the animals.
"I MUST I MUST!!" said Bob.
"But you can't swim," screamed the frog. "Make yourself useful and sit on the evil one-eyed rabbit!"
"NO" screamed Bob. "I will save the cow!" and he jumped in.
Now, you may ask yourself what happened to Bob.
Do you find yourself asking that?
Well Bob, too, gave and earsplitting splash and started floating. "I'm floating!" screamed Bob.
"Look, my children, he is floating," said the wise warthog.
"Oooohhhhh...." said the animals, in awe of their wise counterpart.
Unfortunately enough for Bob, even though his moment of fame was wonderful, he soon found that he couldn't stop floating, and he was therefore a large brown lump of fur, floating in a giant lake of salwater, ironically resembling a giant furball.
So anyway, disregarding the hairball, the cow had meantime won the fight, and had retrieved his jacket while the evil one-eyed rabbit ran off to whine about how unfair the cow was in his tree house. And yes, this rabbit was stupid enought to build a "tree house" because as evil as he was, he was afraid of dirt.
So the cow prevailed, and the mole stopped crying when he spotted the giant furball and instead became friends with the cow, but not for long. Alas no! For soon it was found that the mole's relentless crying had caused the leather to mold, and that deeply distressed the cow. But the wise old warthog was able to straighten things out with his "magic fluid" which turned out to be a bowl of bleach.
You may ask yourself one more question.
What happened to the buffalo?
Do you wonder this?
Well, he eventually floated to shore, and became, once again even more afraid of any amount of water. In fact, from then on, he only drank prune juice with his daily ration of salt.
The end.
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Oct 16, 2000
By Priyanka Srinivasan (spelling errors are sic)
Posted Oct 16, 2000
"I see," said the blind moose to the evil rat next to the fat gremlin in pajama pants that sat next to a cow, wearing a thick leather jacket. How ironic.
Said the pig, "it must be an abagel."
"Hearken!" said the fat frog. "'Tis not an abagel, but a cow wearing a jacket!"
"It looks like a frog," said the evil rabbit
"Ahahahahhh!" said the frog. "Do not eat me for i taste like bland chicken."
"Of course not," said the evil rabbit, now glaring evilly with its one remaining eye, "your legs are the only ones that taste of chicken."
"Yes," said the old, wise warthog, "the rest of him tastes like evil rabbit."
"You wanna a piece of me?" said the rabbit angrily, his one eye twinkling with rage.
"No," continued the wise warthog, "I was about to finsh that evil rabbits taste like rotten rat guts."
"That's it," screamed the evil rabbit. "I'm going to git you!!!" and he pounced with all of his evil might onto the wise warthog.
But alas! the wise warthog was too wise for the evil rabbit and jumped behind the cow wearing a leather jacket.
The cow mooooed. It saw the evil rabbit coming forth and exclaimed, "Aaah. Leave me be evil wabbit orh i whill bheat you whith my jhackettt like this!"
And he swung his oversized leather "jhackettt" on top of the evil, angry one-eyed rabbit, which let out a whail.
"Get this stupid, ugly piece of froghide off of me!" And at the same moment, the kind and gentil mole went and carefully tugged the jacket off.
"Iiiiii---mmm- mr. mole....." he said, for mr. mole was very shy indeed. "Iiiii wanttt to bbbe yyyyerr frrriend, eeevvilll onnee-eyyyeed rrrapbbittt..." and he smiled a fat, angelic, satisfying, and quite disarming smile.
In fact, it was so disarming that the rest of the animals smiled back in appreciation.
It was too disarming, that smile....
.....but not quite disarming for the evil-one eye rabbit.
"Aaaahhhhhh! You stupid mole!! Go back to your lake!!! I can't believe you want to be my friend!!!! GIVE ME THAT JACKET BACK!!!!!"
Well, any mole would have gone back to his or her "lake" (if that's where moles live. Which is not true, since moles don't live in a pool of water like an ugly stinky fish, for they live underground,) but mr. mole was extremely sensitive and mr. mole burst out in tears. "Wwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh......wwwwwwahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"
And he cried a lot for an extremely long time until mr. anteater came along.
"Waaaaasssssssupppppp," said the ghetto anteater.
"Nothing," said the cow, whose leather jacket was being used to gather the tears of mr. mole, which were steadily accumulating into a giant pool.
"G-dawgs, you homies need to cum on down to ma ghe-tto sumtime, ya'll hear?"
"Yes," said the cow, "of course, mr. anteater. Where exactly is this ghe-tto of sorts?"
"Well, homies--hearken, dawgs!" and mr anteater stomps on a couple of ants with his giant feet and sucks them up.
"Well g-homies, i got to tell you's where ma ghe--tto is but iz reall se-cret-o ya know so you're gonna have to hang with me sum other time, right?"
"Right," said the cow.
Actually the cow, at this point was more concerned with his leather jacket which was soaked beyond recognition, not at all concerned about the anteater who hadn't even noticed the bawling mole because he was too concerned with this "G-dawg ghe-tto" of his.
Then along came the water buffalo, actually "along came" is too sweet of a way to put it, for the "buffalo" actually stampeded into the throng of animals, and waded across the pool created by the mole.
A few of these water buffalo, however, for some reason or another were not accustomed to the water, (even though this is part of their habittat,) and they slipped and fell on top of the mole.
"Hearken!" you may say. "What happened to the poor mole??????"
The mole, actually, was unharmed.
Mr. mole kept up his bawling even after the few water buffalo dislodged themselves from the mud.
"Grrrhrhhrhrhhrhrhrh.....duhhhhh...uhhh.....weeeee ssllipeeereeed and fellsssss," observed one water buffalo.
"Yes you did," said the wise warthog.
Many of the animals in the throng spoke of their admiration for the wise warthog, "he truly is a wise one."
"Yes that hog, the wisest one that ever crossed my path."
Some simply stared in awe of the "wise one."
How, you are probably wondering what had become of the evil, one eyed rabbit.
Are you?
The evil one-eyed rabbit had not drowned in the pool of salty tears, like one may hope. No, actually, quite the contrary, the evil rabbit was alive and well........
All this time he had been trying to chase after the frog, for the one-eyed rabbit felt that this was all the frog's fault.
Finally, the evil rabbit caught the frog by one of his "tastes like chicken" legs and dragged him to mr. mole. However, the cow did not think much of this.
And we all know that the cow is the leader.
No one ever talks back to the cow.
His trademark was the leather jacket. Anyone who wore the leather jacket was the leader.
The rabbit, however, evil as he was (don't forget that he was one-eyed,) was also very slow indeed. This is one of the many reasons he lost his eye, but that is a long story. Anyhow, the rabbit had only figured out that the jacket denoted leader. So the rabbit dived down into the bottomless pool of tears in search of the jacket.
The cow, slow also, only just realized what was going on. "I cannot lose my leather jacket!!" he screamed. "Someone help me!!!"
However, no one was willing to help. Not even the water buffalo. "Hey you," screamed the cow to the buffalo, "You can swim! Get me my JACKET!"
"Ummmmm....well.... ummm...." said the buffalo. For it was well known among the buffalo that this buffalo, named Bob, was a runt of the litter, and he could not swim worth a salt lick.
Well, while Bob was telling the others the fascinating "story of his life" (many of the animals broke down into sobs,) the cow was slowly seeing his jacket being torn away from him.
Well, was the cow going to stand for this?
Huh? was he?
NO! of course not. "TALLYHO, EVIL ONE-EYED RABBIT! I WILL GET THEE! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!" And he jumped into the lake right after him.
Well, the lake as it may seem, was now very large. And all chemistry graduates know that when there is a large body of water and a two ton cow with an attitude, they don't mix very well.
SPLASH.
An earsplitting roaring sound was what many of the animals heard as the cow threw his magnificent 2 ton self into the giant pool of saltwater. There was a long moment of silence (except of course the bawling mole, who continued to bawl.) Then suddenly the evil one-eyed rabbit rode to the surface along with the cow, fighting brutally for the leather jacket.
The animals were aghast with fear. The water buffalo gave a "yelp!" And suddenly he felt a strong surge of courage as he saw the cow sinking into the lake. "I must save him!" said the buffalo.
"NO BOB NO!!!!" screamed the animals.
"I MUST I MUST!!" said Bob.
"But you can't swim," screamed the frog. "Make yourself useful and sit on the evil one-eyed rabbit!"
"NO" screamed Bob. "I will save the cow!" and he jumped in.
Now, you may ask yourself what happened to Bob.
Do you find yourself asking that?
Well Bob, too, gave and earsplitting splash and started floating. "I'm floating!" screamed Bob.
"Look, my children, he is floating," said the wise warthog.
"Oooohhhhh...." said the animals, in awe of their wise counterpart.
Unfortunately enough for Bob, even though his moment of fame was wonderful, he soon found that he couldn't stop floating, and he was therefore a large brown lump of fur, floating in a giant lake of salwater, ironically resembling a giant furball.
So anyway, disregarding the hairball, the cow had meantime won the fight, and had retrieved his jacket while the evil one-eyed rabbit ran off to whine about how unfair the cow was in his tree house. And yes, this rabbit was stupid enought to build a "tree house" because as evil as he was, he was afraid of dirt.
So the cow prevailed, and the mole stopped crying when he spotted the giant furball and instead became friends with the cow, but not for long. Alas no! For soon it was found that the mole's relentless crying had caused the leather to mold, and that deeply distressed the cow. But the wise old warthog was able to straighten things out with his "magic fluid" which turned out to be a bowl of bleach.
You may ask yourself one more question.
What happened to the buffalo?
Do you wonder this?
Well, he eventually floated to shore, and became, once again even more afraid of any amount of water. In fact, from then on, he only drank prune juice with his daily ration of salt.
The end.
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Oct 16, 2000
alert
Posted Oct 15, 2000
Did YOU know that we are less that 1.4*10^-8% cesium?
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Oct 15, 2000
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Mellow Yellow Cello
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