h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I saw that every post of mine on the 'Occupy' thread has now been yikesed.

I'm presuming by you.

We'll see if they stand.

I yikesed some stuff yesterday..it now stands.

I just don't have the same emnity towards you. I can't help myself.

I'll see what they decide.

This place has gone weird.

But my feelings don't change.

What I hate is that some of you got the jump start on the rest of us about how the rules work here now.

You have a big learning advantage and power.

It wouldn't matter for some things..but when its something personal it can feel very scary and unpleasant.

This post has been removed.

MY SPACE. To remind you because I got confused last night when your friend kept pesstering me.

Hope you are well pleased with the job your little friend got done on me last night.

As you know she'd screwed me through and throu' a few weeks ago...and now she managed it again.

I didn't think you had email contact with people..but clearly I was wrong.

Yep she got the job done.

I'm totally ed now.

**

It's weird though..cos you are so nice to others here...but not ME.

Makes me feel special somehow.

Anyway I'll be onto Eds later or tomorrow about this utterly intolerable situation.

Rest assured no friend of mine will be bothering you though.

The honest truth is that I'm very worried about you.

That last post was stupid..it's her doing stuff.

I know that.

I don't think you are well.

I want you to get proper help. Medication isn't addictive for Depression.

**

I'll try to confine it all to talking to Eds now.

But Peanut really affected my thinking.

I won't post here again unless I think its urgent or your thread with her. Okay.

This is the only way I have to contact you directly away from a general thread as its on *my space*

I'm pleased we can now have some sort of ordinary contact. I still feel very sensitive about everything that has happened, as I expect you do.

I won't be talking publicly about you again to others or starting journals. We've both hurt each other a lot. Lets finish that.

Anyway the *main thing* is that I want you to feel comfortable that my overwhelming feelings towards you are benign. I won't ever forget how you were to me when I first joined and people were saying all sorts in that heated atmosphere during those Della wars. However hard I try..all main main feelings towards you are good ones.

I've got to think and learn more about the way you are as a person compared to me..and I've taken trouble to investigate. I'm pretty bright so I understand things much better now..though I still have my flying off the handle stuff...but that's part of *my problem* which maybe you understand a bit better now..and won't be hurt by...I really hope that.

I really do now understand much more than I did.

I'm not expecting anything from you. Certainly not a reply here. I just hope you read it because I want you to feel safe on h2g2 with me around...and its good we have people in common we like and get on with like Sho and Mr.D. (so we have something in common..)

I suddenly realised you've been away for sometime.

It's that wonderful early to mid summer period for you, I know...I'd be away too.

Hope things are good. I see you are still subscribed to this..so all is not lost JOKE.

But h2g2 needs you when you are ready...if we still exist.

Carry on enjoying yourself though. Order.

(You should get the boxed set of both series of the Danish Killing though for next winter.).

Hey...I don't know how to tell you but that that 'Linkless' thread you started is simply brilliant in my opinion.

I *am* very astute and recognise your inteliigence.

I love your philosophical and curious approach to life.

That's why we got on...I think you like mine to.

Yes water has gone under the bridge. But don't be scared..I *do* understand more now.

Just be yourself on h2g2. You should carry on starting such interesting threads.

I'm very fussy about pople. You will always be right up there for me.

Feel safe.

But I need this place too. I don't want to hurt you ever again.

I'm very worried all the time that you might misunderstand something I say on a thread. I'M NOT WELL.

But all my feelings for you are good ones. But my communication is up the creek. I lost so much confidence in it, ie interpersonal skills on the internet at present.

Just writing anything worries me.

DON'T PANIC

I finally understand really what I did to you last year. But I've learnt all that from here and communication...not anything from books or theory.

And I can hardly bear it.

I was so stupid. The culture that raised me was designed to hide that hurt.

But I have opened my mind to learn..from YOU.

Obviously this is 5 minutes after me understanding. I have to show long term.

I love you.

I just found out that you didn't want your name onthe Caddis article. I'm very upset naturally...because of the 'journey' of it.

But I respect your decision.

I wish they had had the guts to tell me.

Of course you don't talk to me...I've accepted that...but I got to realise the fun and profound nature of Girls versus Boys.

I don't know that I am a girl really. In this stupid culture they won't let our wonderful language explore being a mixture...like I am.

If you want me to clear off from that thread just say so though.

It's getting too hard for me that you never speak.

I'm in the worst state imaginable and still you totally ignore me.

I'm a *good* person with a good heart....I don't deserve zero communication. You must know how much that hurts me.

I've done everything to read up on your thing...which apparently can't be spoken about at all. Why do these things need to be hidden? Is it such a shame to not me 100% healthy?

At least in Peckham we don't expect perfection.

We LOVE people for what they are.

I'm glad I don't live in New Zealand.

kea I properly understand I did the worst thing to you last year...not once but twice.

I want you to *know* that I understand my crime fully and totally.

I didn't understand about yin so much...I do much more now.

They don't teach about yin in this stupid culture.

That sounds like excuses...but I didn't understand consciously...I'm getting there.

And no I'm not asking forgiveness..obviously I crave it. I'm not asking anything of you..but hopefully I can gradually be less hurtful as I can get more understanding of yin. It's a new language.



Thank you for staying subbed to this.

I didn't know whether to post here or not. I don't know if you're even still connected to it..it must be miles back in your list by now. But what the hell it won't kill you and my intentions are entirely benign. It takes a bit of courage as well, for me to post.

I noticed you were back for a bit recently. I felt really pleased but nervous of posting on any thread you started or were posting in..I got so anxious about it, and what's appropriate or not, given what happened last year.

I like what you post even when I disagree. Some of what you post I like * a lot*.

And I noticed you stopped posting again.

I know I'm forever cast out of our previous close friendship here on h2g2..but surely we can, in a relaxed way, be able to discuss issues? I worry it might have affected you if I did the wrong thing; I frequently do...mostly through nervousness. But maybe it isn't a problem for *you*? That's good if so.

This place needs more people like you. I like it that you can start quirky threads..and more serious threads..I've always liked your complexity as a person.

I could say more but I'll leave it there. I'm not expecting a reply.

I hope others won't interfere again.

PS As of 12 March, the world population of Kakapos is back down to 126

http://www.kakaporecovery.org.nz/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=57&Itemid=223

It's a shame they never did a smiley for them.