h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A big step for you, huh? Well done.

I was away on business the other week and met a friend/colleague who I'd hardly seen for a few years. We used to hang out together at around the time of my first (undiagnosed) hypermanic episode. But he didn't even know I'd been ill since then.

Anyway...we got on to being fat, and I explained that I'd been putting on weight because my medication affects my appetite centres...and that's how I quite casually ended up telling him - and his other colleague who I don't know - about my being sectioned, etc. etc. You know - people generally don't have a negative reaction. Although did congratulate him for not freaking out.

Thanks. I did mention it vaguely once ages ago. But your honesty about it has always made me feel I could be more open. Yes I surprised myself today. And when I saw what I wrote it seemed really very matter of fact and upfront. Just straightforward and honest. As it should be, like any illness, physical or mental.

It has always intrigued me that some of the medicines used for epilepsy, which usually affects the prefrontal/frontal lobes, are also used as 'mood stabilizers' in bipolar disorder. And that part of the brain is often spoken of as one associated with altered states on consciousness.

I only recently changed over to Lamotrigine from carbamezapine. Its a newish drug. I had to slowly come off carbemezapine before building up to the right dose of Lamotrigine; still not quite there yet. A month ago when I had cut right down on the carbamezapine I suddenly couldn't eat or sleep properly. And I had a few days of quite fun, though exhausting highness. I watched University Challenge and got about 80% of the answers right. Not that I was suddenly any cleverer, but my memory became crystal clear and I could remember so much better all the stuff I'd ever learned. But things are getting more normal again now, and my percentage of right answers has gone right down again.

Oh dear it's a funny old condition......

Oddly enough...I discussed lamotragine with my trick cyclist recently - just as somehing to look into so that if I ever need a change, I'd know what the options are. Right now I'd sooner stick with something that I know works and for which the side effects are manageable - although I could live without the short term memory loss and the excess sweating from the venlafaxine. (But my shrink prescribes a well-known medication for 'That Other Thing' )

I've been wondering about the religion/bipolar thing recently - although I wouldn't want to discuss it on that other thread. I went to a talk by a neurologist who said that the latest imaging work suggsted bipolar is related to abnormalities in mid-brain white matter - in a part of the brain that's related to reward. What that part is about is saying 'Yup - that's right' to stuff. "Yup - that looks like a dog"...etc. It seems to me that when I was exceptionally high, my brainwas saying 'Yup' to all sorts of connections between things which aren't necessarily there. A more normal manifestation would be in creativity, when it says "Yup - let's run with that idea".

Now - is this what the religious do? Everything is connected. There's pattern and meaning in life.

Just speculating...


Anyway...well done you again. Life's easier when you refuse to be embarassed.

'Related to reward'. Yes makes sense to me in that I'm forever having to resist going to excess with things as I feel the 'pleasure principal' so strongly when highish.

And I definitely get very strong feelings of things being connected. When really high in the past its felt quite mystical. But I'm pleased that I also seem to have an equally strong down to earth intelligence that allows me to contextualise those feelings, particularly when I'm feeling more even again. My psychiatrist says how good it is to have that as well to stop you going off into some fantasy world of delusion which would be all to easy if you didn't always honestly and ruthlessly question your perceptions.

Funnily enough the more I discover about conventional religious ways of thinking, the further, I feel my way of experiencing things, is away from it. Mostly because it often seems so childishly simple. But the deeper, more philosophical, more questioning aspects of metaphysics in general, are far more interesting, to think about, but not neccessarily believe, because of the problem of evidence. But just to have fun thinking about and playing with.

I thought that Squiggles' comments about bipolar disorder were rather unfortunate. I've had a quiet word. Not that I've anything fundamentally against getting a room with you, you understand.

I suppose by his logic being bisexual and bipolar must be quadruple the pleasure.

Hey Ed. I saw that message you left for jwf. Thank you. The fact that he went for both of us made feel a bit less upset. I was quite shocked because however angry I felt with another researcher I could never imagine hitting so low. Said all I needed to know about him really. I had felt a bit guilty for being so blunt with him earlier in the thread. But certainly not now. I shall do my best to ignore him in future. And thanks once more. Its not going to make me go back to feeling so secretive about it, because I think 99.9% of researchers wouldn't behave like that.

Hmm. I'm inclined to write it off as an attempt at off-kilter humour. On that thread he's being deliberately eccentric. I think he likes things to be 'interesting'.

Although...you just wouldn't, would you?

No you wouldn't. Could you imagine making a similar remark about a couple of people with MS? This is why I'm so loathe to be more open, IRL, as much as here. Some unbelievably ignorant people think it's fair game to make digs about some kinds of illnesses more than others. Mind you I'm all for making friendly gags about it. I'm not some kind of overly sensitive soul when its done in good heart. Its the context . And also I get the impression that he's utterly ignorant about the hellish aspects of bipolar disorder. And no you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy actually. It was good you pointed that out to him.