h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hallooo Spaceman Spiff,
Just thought I'd drop in and welcome you to H2G2. I'm Shadow, one of the ACE’s (Assistant Community Editor's) here. We’re the volunteer welcoming committee, among other things. If you have any questions or need help with anything, please don't hesitate to ask. You can do so by either clicking on REPLY below or by clicking on my name above and leaving a message at my page http://www.h2g2.com/U133044. If you're looking for a place to get started, the following is always a good spot http://www.h2g2.com/A5752. There is also a handy quick reference guide at http://www.h2g2.com/A344756.

Now, if it’s writing a Guide entry or two you’re interested in, say no more! Here are two links that are SURE to come in handy. The list of Guide entries that haven’t been written yet, but should be: http://h2g2.com/A234677 AND The list of Guide Entries that need to be rewritten: http://www.h2g2.com/A237241.

Whatever you decide to do, have fun wandering the vast, twisted and myriad halls of this place. There's a LOT to do, see and comment on here and everyone's opinion is welcome. So don't be afraid to jump right in and offer your view on anything! Remember, if you need help or have questions about anything, don’t hesitate to ask, that’s what I and the other ACE’s are here for.
Welcome again,
~§~

PS There are several entries on Calvin and Hobbes, my favorite is http://www.h2g2.com/A279614.

Am I tardy? Thanks Shadow you are my hero for the day. I'll put you in my comic book.

No you're not tardy. Awwwww...shucks. Thanks Mr. Spiff, moochas pooches or something to that affect. I can think of no greater reward than to appear beside your august personality in ink.

Physical description
I'm 6'3" tall, 220 lbs, have shoulder length brown wavy hair parted down the middle and combed back, brown eyes, LOOK like I could play professional American football and would eat live rattlesnakes as a snack. My nose is lightening bolt-crooked as it's been broken twice. I have lots of scars, one that runs the length of my entire right inner-forearm, one one-inch scar above each eye starting at the outside corners, one on the bridge of the nose, one on the back of the left hand, one across the left bicep, one horizontal across my chest bisecting the right nipple, lots more elsewhere, but that should do for the visible ones. I also wear titanium-yellow shooting glasses. My voice sounds excessively deep and gravely and I work as a computer tech. Suprised about the job, right? *Chuckles*

I'm a former Military Joint Services Special Operations Sniper. Not a lot of call for that in the civilian world, ergo the change of careers. Let me know when the publication date is. Also gimme a hollar if you need help finding your way around H2G2 or need assistance getting an article accepted.
~§~

Oh yeah, I know you were kidding about the comic appearance, no worries. Though the physical description is accurate.
~§~

That's miss spiff to you, sir. I must say, you sound like a rather smashing person, scars and all. And the comic book is very very real, albeit a work in progress.

Terribly sorry, a thousand apologies, Miss Spiff. I had no idea and couldn't tell because of the gender ambiguity caused by those bulky ole' spacesuits. I'll just pop off and add a few more scars by thwapping myself about the head and shoulders vigorously with a large, mutated, spiny-backed babel fish in hopes this will apease you for my ignorance.
~§~

Consider me appeased. (Vigorously thwapping babel fish seems a tad to the extreme, just in case you'd like to reconsider.)
And what are you talking about bulky old space suits? This one fits me like spandex!! (Allthough slightly more flattering, with a little lift and tuck in all the right places)
Oh, and to give my background a little more depth than "I'm a girl", and since you didn't ask and I'm too rude to care, I'll fill you in on the stats.
I'm a 20 year old college student, attempting to major in astrophysics but currently stuck on trigonometry, dabbling in special fx make-up and costume design, with a passion for coffee, bowling, driving with the radio too loud, and, occasionally, camping out under the stars. I have no exceptional scars, except for the ones on my hands (from playing a little rough with baby alligators), my hair is currently red, but, I'm afraid the blond is showing through, and I'm out of work currently, although I have held jobs as a barista, a photographer, a video retail person extraordinare, and a short lived stint as a receptionist for about thirty different companies (including playboy.com, which was not half as exciting as it sounds). Oh, and I have a really cool spaceman spiff tattoo.
Nice to meet ya.
There, no more mistakes, see?
By the way, is it your job to say hi, and get bombarded with massive amounts of information about people you didn't really want to get to know anyway?

Sort of yes and sort of no. Yes, it's my job to meet and greet the new folks and get bombarded with stuff. No, I actually DON'T mind getting bombarded with personal info and stuff that I didn't know in the first place. I find it all interesting. Never having lived what would be considered a "normal" life, I'm endlessly fascinated with those that have and really do enjoy helping people in any way I can.

You see, clandestine stuff runs in my family. My great-grandfather was a Major in the Polish Hussars (mounted cavalry almost undefeated until WW1) during World War 1, my godfather was OSI in Italy (precursors to the CIA) during World War 2, my great-uncle was in Vietnam, my father was in the Cuban missle crisis and I had family on both the North and the South during the US's Civil War. So, my going into the...slightly more "special" portion of the US military was almost a foregone conclusion and was trained for it from the age of 2 years old.

So...there's a bunch more extraneous shtuff about me too.
~§~

Wow. Thats a pretty wacky background. I feel so boring in comparison.

Actually, though you may feel boring in comparison, in truth I find stories and tales of normal living interesting! It's the stuff I used to do for a living that you can't talk about to anyone that's boring. That's what most of the men in my family do when we get together on holidays, sit around and NOT talk about stuff and stare at the telly instead.
~§~

That sounds like some really great family bonding, you know. All the women in my family hate eachother, or if they don't, they live too far away to get together.
I'm in a lousy mood. I failed my Trig test.

Hey, life could be worse you know. You could be a midget cross-dressing himalayan sheep herder with an allergy to wool. Try and keep things in perspective, in the overall scheme of life, just how important does Trig fit into your future?
~§~

Trig shmig, unless I really do want to get into a decent physics program (which I do) but it's true, I care much more for b horror flicks than I ever did for math anyway.