h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... I took a look at "Equilibrium".

Excellent use of the form, and it works well.

I have to say, I don't like the form, and here's why.

My mind can see three levels of structure: on one level, there's repetition, which is good, I like that. You've written stuff before with structured repetition of lines, and they've been very good (can't remember one of the top of my head, but you'll know the ones I mean).

On the next level, there's irregularity, chaos - the repetition does not happen at regular intervals, it changes where it is as you go along.

And on the next level, there is order to that irregularity because the rate of change of position of the repeated line is a constant - one line per stanza, upwards only. Cool. Order within chaos within order.

Problem being - my gut can only see to level 2, and it gets upset, because it can only see order spoiled by chaos. So while I can appreciate it on an intellectual level, my hindbrain doesn't like it, because it doesn't "get" it. This is of course my problem.

Note I'm talking here about the FORM, not the words themselves. The words work within the form.

Will this do?

H.