h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Johannesburg. I am coming to live here. Soon as I can find a flat to invest in, and pack up all my stuff in Shem Elohim, find an agent to let it. I don't know about levies and so on in Jo'burg. I think a flat rather than a house because of security - this is Jo'burg, after all.

Cape Town has broken my heart. I shall not be sorry to leave Cape Town. It is a horrible place. People have had their souls scooped out with an ice-cream scoop and instead there is an electronic device with wires and diodes. It is an horrendous and an horrible place. I shall not miss it. I shall try to get on better in Johannesburg. Shame, I'd just found a church too. I must ensure this is a righteous movement. I thought it was. Then I remembered I was supposed to do a PhD at Stellenbosch. And teach there. But I can't manage Stellenbosch. It is an horrible place. That's where they do all the MK. So I hope to move out of all that into a more refreshmental lifestyle without all the chemicals and so on.

The Cape is a poisonous place and I shall not be sorry to leave. Feck the radio station; they are witches and satanists, with the odd exception. I only went to the Cape because of Rigby. Now he's dead I'm free of that influence and I can't wait to put 1,600 K's between me and Cape Town. Miskien sal die Here erbarming he en my toelaat on vroeg te sterf uit hierdie onlewe uit.