h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some silly bint, Left wing, who likes taking offence presumably because no-one takes any notice of her in real life, has just said the seriously wrong thing at the wrong time. You know. People should know when to shut the feck up, when I'm in one of my states.

I've been put in premod in ML because some up themself little self-abuser hasn't got a sense of self-irony. What a shame.

And X tells me "I know much more than you" in an email and then pretends to be outraged at something I said, and has told me with great hotness of air that she's "blocked" me - not really a major loss because she's been so unpleasant lately. My email might have been OTT, I don't know, I've run out of pills and am freewheeling like a crazy person who's run out of pills, but it was only the excuse she needed to tell me to feck off.

"I know much more than you" is SUCH a telling thing to say. Poor woman, so insecure. Proves the theory about the objective efficacy of the Roman sacraments is a crock, because if they were, she'd be halfway a saint by now.

She's a full Professor at a major American university and she needs to tell me that she "know(s) much more than you" about some aspect of this or that (nothing to do with her subject).

Still, it's good that what is so obvious as it lurks under the surface, should come out into the open. not pleasant, but good.

I'm ill tonight, and people are actually using it as an excuse to be nastier to me - or at least, more honest with me - than they usually are. Being actually bitchy and unpleasant. It water off a duck's back, part of my internal discipline is to cultivate honesty with self so that any true criticism is acceptable, and any untrue criticism, I can safely ignore. but even so, it's interesting that people should use a florid episode of my illness as an excuse to be honest with me and block me from their email list, premod me, or whatever.

Well I suppose I've been more than usually frank on here about people, in my illness, so i suppose it's only poetic that so-called sane people should be more than usually frank to me in their wellness, when I'm ill.

I honestly didn't realise I had so very few friends. Quite sobering.

I understand it in every case, except in the case of people who pretend to know God, but who behave towards me - not in their words, but in their actions, you know, are they there for me, etc - people who act in total ignorance of the fact of our blood relation. Blood relation with a capital B, in fact. My fellow believers, if such they are, take the greatest pleasure in being censorious and holier than thou with me. When they ought to be the most understanding of someone with psychotic mental illness. I suppose people just avoid the mentally ill. Fact of life; I'd better get used to it I suppose.

Funniest thing is that one of my so-called friends is themself mentally ill and they're showing nothing but controlling and manipulative behaviour. When I'm well I think I'll tell them this.

Oops too late, I already told her. When you're mentally ill you REALLY find out who your friends are. Someone quite unexpectedly wrote really kindly to me just now. I didn't realise they were so sympathetically oriented towards me. that was nice.

The Roman ought to realise and know that it's sent me into psychosis - not that it will care, of course, they don't seem to, these professional believers, it's the hidden people who show kindness at times like this.

Fairweather believers - a pox on them. No, that's wrong. God love them enough to show them their fairweatherliness and help them change. Jesus said, When I come back, will I find faith on earth? Paul defines faith as love in action. There's just so little of that. So heartbreakingly little. It's so easy to be spiritual. On the other hand, following Christ is backbreaking, heartbreaking hard work. And there are so few who really measure up to his standard. So heartbreakingly few. The voices are really piling in now, trying to drive me further into psychosis. I'm not going to let them. Not consciously, anyway.

Well? I've made a fool of myself dla ciebie now, and if nie zrobisz cos, I'm going to be really, really pissed off. A person can't toy with people like this.

The future force of the perfective aspect in Polish is so beautiful, isn't it. Funny how one has to descend into near-florid schizophrenia to appreciate some of the very finest things in life.

In Polish one of the ways in which you express futurity is to use the perfective aspect, which paradoxically denotes an action already completed. It is understood that you are referring in the present to a future completed event that has yet to take place. I seem dimly to remember that Classical Hebrew has something similar going on with its complex of tense/aspect frying pan oil.

There are some very beautiful things in this life. We must treasure them.

As to people being hurt online, well, online is a dangerous game; if you are vulnerable, you shouldn't play it. I'm not, tonight; I've got insight enough to know how to keep myself safe. Basically by not going anywhere. The world is so unfriendly to those of a mentally mad disposicioun. By the world I also mean those so-called believers who can't be bothered to lift a finger to help a suffering brother, but just criticise and judge. Jesus is writing it all down, you know. Well he isn't. He's got angels to do that for him. He's watching with tears in his eyes.

I am obliged to rely on the world for kindness you see. The so-called believing world is just too up itself to cross the parallel between heaven and earth and become incarnate. Incarnation. You see, you measure a democracy's freedom by the way they treat their most vulnerable patients. And I think you measure a person's faith by the way they treat their most vulnerable brothers. Not by the way they treat the successful, those who can already speak and act on their own behalf. But those who cannot speak and act on their own behalf. Such people are the poor; and the church is supposed to bring good news to the poor. But they don't! They mock and exclude the poor. They talk about the pain of the ones you wound. That's all they do. They carry the oil in their vessels but the vessels are sealed. Still in their original packaging. The world only have a spark of Christ but they use it, my God how they use it, some of them. Some of them make more out of a spark than someone who has an oxy-acetylene torch of faith. Some people use their spark of faith to ignite a forest fire of faith. It's amazing what some people can do with a spark. That might be an idea for a monitory tract.

And Xenos tries to curse my printing with his vuddy boxols. Nay; he may not. Lift it, Spirit.

Must be some sort of record: my thread entitled "Perfective aspect, future force" has been up for an hour and has received no views. No views! Am I hanging out in the right place? They say that indifference is worse than a bad word but I disagree; there is a certain security in being the object of indifference.

Correction: some people use their spark of faith to ignite a forest fire of love. That's better.

Well it's nearly 1am. Last night was horrendous; I passed out in some sort of funk and I don't remember much after about 9pm; I may have been the object of a curse because today I have descended into a light psychosis. I feel OK now, but I've lost two of my three email correspondents. Great hey. And the Roman, what do they do? Look on. Come on. I have yet to be convinced that there will arise anything at all of concretion in the past weeks of etheric activity. Oh, it's pride is it? You know not that you speak your own conviction. Well, I'm doing my part; I have to get a strip adaptor to Sindi and get her system up and running. But I want to not have to worry about Khwezi for a good long while. I'm not having her tie me up with her anxious creeping. No way. What a waste of life.

Can I rely on my "friends" though, in time of real need? No, I can't. Well then they're not really my friends are they. How depressing.

Ah, good: yes I can. Good old "X" mailed me asking if I really wanted him to email X. No not any more, as it happens; I did it myself, from a different address. It's just empty words any way, with X. Nothing of any substance. Nihil ex nihilo venit. Or just: Nihil ex nihilo.

Nihil in nihilem nec ex nihilo nil. That would make a good motto. A strangely paradoxical exhortation to hard work.

Wish I knew more Polish.

The stuff about the objective efficacy is obviously a crock, well to anyone who knows the Lord; so basically how much more of their garble do we have to believe? Well you can just go with the Spirit and not believe a word of it unless they're quoting the Bible. That's probably safest; but who wants they Bible served up ex versione diabolica? not I.

Let Sindi buy her next airtime so she learns to value it.