h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I uunderstand the situation. Mister Empty is nothing but a common or garden wolf. I said so, and Jonathan said, You are too. And I bridled, and said sternly, No; I am BOTH. Sorry, he said. I don't think Helga realises the dignity I have in God; I think she thinks I'm just a wolf. I wish she'd hurry up and grow the feck up.

God, but I'm sick of Satan.

Anyway. It's a nice day.

Thami is here but he's had a can of sherbet and he's passed out sitting on the floor of my den. That's sad. We were having a really good conversation, which was blessing me, which will never do, of course; so the enemy ordered for him to pass out on a few glasses of cider. I listened while he offloaded some important stuff about his life which I am helping him with. But when it came for my turn to share, he has passed out.

My Father really is allowing me to go through it.

Thami's gone home. He was going to get pissed anyway so it's probably just as well. Took a 6-pack of cider home without bothering to ask first, and I ended up giving him R100 for petrol and taxi fare and buying alcohol for his girlfriend to go to a baby shower. Why is it that the majority of people in this country, in my experience WITHOUT FAIL, come to the White man hands outstretched expecting and demanding hand-outs? This guy has a JOB. And I am expected to finance his transport costs and his girlfriend's social expenditures. I really thought this guy was different. I thought he'd grown up past the stage where White man is the daddy. But no. The same old story. I'm past being sick of it. I'm just deathly bored by it. Oh and he called me a fool in his heart as he was leaving. Nice, hey. And he wonders why I don't have girlfriends. If this is how a believing bloke treats me, basically with contempt, how would a woman treat me. He said I had to change what I wear. He said no woman would be interested in a man who goes around in his pyjamas. I couldn't really give a toss what women are interested in. My experience with women has been practically all negative. I have as much respect for them as they have for me, which appears to be practically zero. They are creatures of the earth and they are at home here. Helga has crashed and burned. She is in need of extreme dealings. She can't see further than her nose and refuses to believe anything she can't see. I'm getting disenchanted. The state of the organised church in the world, is pathetic. Just what the Bible promised. People will gather around themselves "teachers" who will satisfy the itch of their ears with heretical and obscene scratching. Name deleted I expect does a lot of obscene scratching.

Anyway Thami said I was a man of stature. I told him there was going to be the three R's, revival, revolution and reformation. Many people have told me this. I wonder how long I've got to wait. My work is beginning to be popular. People are coming to me asking for it. Thami loves the five tracts I've done lately. Name deleted probably does as well but she's fast asleep and it's difficult to know precisely what she is thinking of.

Came out with an awful lot of words of wisdom for Thami today. It seems I still have it. Big time. I wonder whether I have to just give God all the pleasure I have. My main pleasure in life is words. Thami said he'd never met anyone as powerful with words, as me. Which was nice. Well I have spent a lifetime studying them, and meditating on them. I've also been thinking about them philosophically.

But what I need is a brother or a sister who not only appreciates God's work in me but also doesn't call me a fool in his heart. Of course I'm a fool. That's why I'm so alone; no-one wants a fool for a friend. The other sex despise folly. People generally just take advantage of me. Helga used me as a toilet into which she vomited her pride and self-righteousness. When the enemy wanted to silence me, because God was using me, and blessing people, he used Helga to do his dirty work. I forgive her. I'm waiting for Godly sorrow, repentance, and a proper apology and confession. Followed by radical growth.

A man went to a far off country to be made king. When he got back, he said, Bring me all those who didn't want me to be their king, so that I can remove their heads. That's quite symbolic really because people need their heads removing to remove the obstruction to God's work. In a metaphorical way, of course. They need their heads sending to the factory for repair. God has sent his repair man out but people slam the door in his face.

Oh yeah I sent Tata a text this morning telling him about the theft of my memory stick. I told this was the third time his son had stolen from me and that I was "SICK OF IT". Now Henry is frantically trying to call me. I am not picking up. Let him reap what he has sown, we all have to. It's a law of the Creation. You plant things, they germinate, they sprout, and before you know it you've got a Triffid in your back yard, ready to strike you down and feast on your rotting corpse.

X (for X read another letter of the alphabet, I'm writing like this because she is litigious) behaved towards me like a whore. I'm beginning to wonder whether her behaviour provides to clue to the identity of her mother. God is beginning to do stuff for me and I'm being attacked for it. Let justice and righteousness prevail, Father. Let your angels act on my behalf. Have mercy, but deal where dealing is necessary. In your mercy have righteousness, Father. Let the liar be confronted with his lying and the thief be convicted of his thefts. Let it be known, proclaim it in Khayelitsha, make mention of it in Gugulethu, that maRichie is a man of God and his Father gets angry when people abuse him. I have done nothing but good to those people in Khwezi Park, and all they have done to me in return is mock, disrespect, lie and steal, while the Trinity looked on, and the angel made notes. Detailed notes.

I can feel the desperation from here as curse after curse comes my way. Let it rebound sevenfold. It's the law of return in satan's fiefdom. Some magicians say 3, some say 7. I suppose it depends on who you believe. Well I don't believe a word of any of it. It's all smoke and mirrors.

I sent Thami a text asking him politely not to ask for any more handouts. I said it wasn't good for either of us. Both his girlfriend and he, well I was their Daddy this afternoon. Why do I need children of my own? I'm Daddy to practically half Khayelitsha.

A man of God never has any time off. I was looking forward to a nice quiet Saturday evening. So the enemy inspires one of his children to hassle me. Let the guilty be exposed, for a change. Let those who have abused trust and friendship and generosity, deal with the consequences for a change. I have acted for the second time in righteousness, rather than overlooking crimes against me. And all hell is breaking loose. It's funny, if you so much as look at a satan's-child in the wrong way, they go ape and call up demons to destroy you. But if a righteous man wants justice, everybody freaks out. I am not interested in dealing with these people any further. Last time I complained of their son's behaviour, his mother turned things around and made me the bad guy. This time there are angels enforcing the truth. Let righteousness prevail in that house for a change.

People constantly underestimate people. That can be a dangerous habit. Just because the lamb is slain, doesn't mean he doesn't have powerful friends.

Oh what a bore. Now I get a passive-aggressive little text saying I hurt him deeply. He's spent so much time messing around with women that he's started acting like one. I'm not playing. I know that I didn't say anything to hurt, or anything malicious, or anything at all like that, so I suppose I must have said an astringent truth that cut him to the heart. It happens, God knows it happens, I've had a plateful. (There's a difference between faithful wounds and simple bitchiness, darling.) I sent a seven word message back, a quotation from Proverbs, "faithful are the wounds of a friend" and he is going to have to learn to go crying to his Father rather than bleating to other people. I think by now he will be pissed - he took a 6-pack of alcohol from me without even asking first. If he wants to be my friend then I'm going to knock all that crap out of him. I'm not going to allow myself to be abused again. I've got shot of X, for good this time, and I won't endure any more lies or thefts or disrespectings in my own home. I've put up with it for so long.

And I got a desperate X trying to reach me by cellphone this evening. After the third (known) theft of property from me, I finally saw red and informed his father. I asked his brother about it who was evasive and lied to me about his evasiveness. It was clear he knew all about it. It seems the perp was in shyt this evening. We reap what we sow. In my life, people have systematically abused me and gotten off scot-free, because I have habitually overlooked it. X must have been astonished when I didn't just roll over yet again. They steal from each other all the time, it's a way of life with them, but it isn't with me, and I enforced my reaction with action today.

There is more, but I'm too pessed off to write about it here. I so wish people wouldn't insist on living up to their stereotypes.

A voice just told me, "they're jealous of you". Well if they want my THINGS then let them go through what I had to go through to get them.

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Well, I'll read all the texts tomorrow, and deal with him then. It's good that he's showing me his shadow. I encourage it. I really don't freak, in a real life situation, when a younger believer has the courage and the honesty to let rip and really give me all he's got. It gives me something to work with. It also gives me a chance to grow. I'll make a joke out of it and trust God for the right words to help him. Let's hope he has the courage to visit me again. It would be nice to have a friend. But please, no more hand-outs. And the next time he assumes he can just take away out of my fridge, I'll be a bit firmer with him. Saying No is good for the soul. Well within limits, obviously, otherwise X would have a really beautiful soul by now.

You see there's so much hating in the world, the Bible is explicit about it, in Titus 3:3. Everyone is saying, I hate you, all the time. Mister Empty says it to me. My neighbours say it to me. I expect I say it to others because God knows I'm not perfect. Most of the women I have had in my life have made no secret of their utter contempt of me. And I scare the good ones away. I think getting drunk and letting all your darkness out and showing it to me, is a good way to start a friendship. It's HONEST.

Of course some people aren't honest and therefore don't like honesty, because it scares them. Doesn't it darling. Time for a cup of reality. If you let me I'll pop it in the microwave and warm it up a bit first, with sugar. I won't force it down you cold, like some. You're scared of me because your enemy doesn't want you to receive the very great blessing God wants to lavish on you through me. Why else do you think I've got no friends? Telling the truth in love is an art, one of the noblest arts in the world, and so beautiful ethically, enough to make you weep.

You're scared of me because you know I know you better than you find comfortable. Our Father is no respecter of persons, neither is he a respecter of sex. He expects honesty even from women.

Of course it's much easier to patronise me and write me off. What did Mister Empty say? Many are the ways of a man, but God's purpose will prevail. If you shut the front door in my face, I'll get in through the back. Because your computer has developed a fault and God's sent his computer repair man to your home to repair it for you, and he's quite insistent that it be repaired, insistent with the insistency of true love.

Oh dear but my friend was being so unwise this afternoon. Telling me to go chasing after women. It's envy and resentment. Good! We can work on that, in a gentle, unobtrusive way. Just as long as he keeps coming round, and doesn't take fright, and run away, like Olga did. Poor Olga, she really doesn't know what she's missing. My friend and I had a wonderfully fun time this afternoon, and for once I was allowed to show all my sense of humour, it was so refreshing. I hope I can use this gift more than just once. X doesn't realise what she's losing out on. I was so on form this afternoon.

The enemy works really hard to keep me away from people. I need help. But no-one can be bothered. My texting friend will be mortified tomorrow morning. I shall have to be very wise and very understanding and very loving. I shall have to show him the true face of God. We factor out the hatred and we use the detail of his darkness to shape our approach to him. I'd love to have a go at mentoring someone. Oh well it's in God's hands. But I'm not going to allow myself to be abused any more.

This world really hates God's children. The further along the path I go, the worse it gets. The most surprising things can happen. People do the most unexpected things. God's children, well, the thing is, we're not supposed to steal. A voice just told me the guy who surprised me with his totally unexpected unethical behaviour, is "at the bottom of Jesus' pile", whatever that means. Now I'm wondering how to respond.

My ghast is well and truly flabbered.

I had forgotten this site is run like a National Socialist kindergarten. It's to protect our more diseased readers.

I won't bother reposting.\

I've had a bit of a shock this evening. I won't report it here in case I've got any details wrong. Because it involves someone who probably enjoys suing people. And a theft. (I don't know how to spell the present participle of "sue").

Jesus summed it up nicely: the enemy comes not but to steal, kill and destroy. He has his own personal Death Star.

Last night I received the most systematic and unpleasant attack from our enemy, that I think I've ever had to undergo. Today I had another attack. Old Nick is having a massive go at me, probably because he's throwing his toys out of his pram because of my book coming out next week. Poor Satan. He knows he's defeated but he lies to himself about it.

Well anyway, God has a fleet of driver angels who drive in karmas, and this person's karma will drive around the block of doom to the Council swimming pool of judgement. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord; it might as well state Judgement is mine, too, because we aren't to judge people. That's God's job. Judge them good, Father, judge them real good. Yeah, the enemy is really having a go at the moment. Two set pieces in two days.

I had finally had enough of another person stealing from me so I texted his father about it. This evening the said person was desperately, or furiously trying to call me on my cell phone. Had he not demolished it by driving into a tree, he could have gotten into the car I gave him and driven here to have it out with me in person. But well, he likes driving into trees. I think it's a mistake to give people too much. They don't appreciate them. They take them for granted and drive them into trees.

Yeah well that's the third personage whom I've let into my home and lavishly entertained, and offered my friendship, who has rewarded me by stealing from me. This one pretends to be a Christian. So I've asked my Father for him to be treated like a Christian caught stealing from a friend. The thing about these fakes is that they don't actually know God, so they're not aware of what he's capable of. Like words of knowledge, visions, etc. The Father allowed this to happen presumably to teach me something, to give me a chance to learn how to forgive better, and also to provide the said personage with the opportunity to fill up his measure of sin, to justify God's judgement. I know that sounds a bit wrong but I'm sure it's all perfectly righteous and just. Judgement belongs to God. The other personage, the one whose dad I texted, was probably astonished that I didn't just roll over and let it pass, the theft. But it was his third theft and I suppose I work on the two strikes principle. Let no-one say I haven't tried. At least L never stole from me. So I can't say all my friends from the location ended up stealing from me. Because L never stole. Good old L. Ironic that he did 14 years for armed stealing. Perhaps that taught him not to steal. In which case the South African prison service is working.

That's it though with me and French horns. I'm not going to bother with French horns any more. They're best left to the French.

Well it's been a tremendously varied and exciting week or weeks even. Really loads of stuff happening. Halis noswn egw, Kyrie. I'm terrified to marry in case she turns cold on me on our wedding night and reveals herself to be a Satanist in disguise. True. That's the sort of thing that could so easily happen. If the time comes it's going to be a question Gideon squared. No, cubed. Gideon to the power of Gideon and the wool from a whole flock of sheep. All the sheep in New Zealand wouldn't be enough to supply the wool for the fleeces I'd put out. The Father knows how much I'm willing to endure for him and like a fool in love, I take whatever he allows me to be given, so he just piles it on. I have one afternoon of real enjoyment and fun and it turns out he's a fake. He, like the other two, will not be darkening the doors of Shem Elohim again.

I don't know why I keep being sent these people. Helga is about the only real one I've met here in the Cape, apart from the little old lady, and she let me down terribly. Scared of the dark, you see. What's the point of belonging to Christ, with all the wonderful freedom and everything that he gives us, if you're going to be scared of the dark? We all have our shadow side, and learning how to handle the fact is one of the principal arts of the life of a believer. Denial is one way, but there are others.

Other, more honest ways. Someone accused me of lying to myself and to others. Well as we've had cause to note here before, Romans 2:1 prescribes that whatever we accuse other people of, is basically a statement of our own guilt. So in her anger she revealed the state of her own heart. Well done sweetheart. A bit of honest to goodness reality for once. Now if you can learn how to do that without having to be in a fit of rage, that would be nice. Recognise and confess the inner bitch. That's the problem with dualists you see. Everything's got to be either all white or all black, including themselves. And that's just not what people are like. It's not what the world is like. Theology is important and nature abhors a vacuum. If you have a crap theology you will end up abusing people. If you pride yourself on having a crap theology that complicates matters even more.

There needs to be a revival, a revolution and a reformation. That's what people tell me. A revival, a revolution and a reformation bloody with the Blood of Jesus. I demonstrated today that I am still capable of teaching; just a pity it was wasted on a demon who thanked me by stealing from the most intimate part of my flat. But - and this is the saving grace of the affair, the funny part - he stole my crappiest pair of headphones. If he'd nicked something of quality it would have been worse, because he doesn't appreciate quality.

I hope they don't break easily.

So, the enemy is really eager for me to wreck my life by getting involved with women, hey. Thanks for the heads up.

Shame though. Couldn't the Father have thought of a way of blessing a man that didn't involve lethal danger? I suppose all the best toys plug into the mains.

They're frightened of having to go to hospital, apparently. Well that's no use for a highly skilled heart surgeon now is it. I need a theatre nurse. The problem is I'm not willing to take the risk of committing to someone who might only be an actress playing the part of a theatre nurse. I get shut on enough as it is in life. I don't want to marry into it.

I take enough risks as it is merely to live an ordinary life; I'm not prepared to take unnecessary risks. Although it would save me the trouble of having to find a housekeeper who didn't morph into Miss Lizard of the Netherworld once she'd got her feet under the table.

Au, bole me serce bardzo. Just one Cornetto.

Ooh, Moctor Boo has finished brownloading. See ya later. Love ya lots.

For the second time in a week I am given the opportunity to express my sincerest astonishment.

This is very good Who. I am a wee bit frit. Ooh, it's Sister Thelma tomorrow. Dear darling Sister Thelma. She is a blessing to the heart of a tired theologian.

Oh these wretched people, the citizens of Hell. They can only see in one dimension and they can only see one thing at a time. So they keep --- I'm just fed up with it.

I've got to stand. Surrounded by the malicious insane, saying what they see. And what they see keeps changing. One time it's blessed, another time it's cursed, one time it's you're king, another time it's were king, which is parallel to working, it's just too banal. Well it's Satan's work of course, that's why it's crap.

Lies, lies, lies. I'm so fed up with it all. It's SO boring.