h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Went out with Sethu and Nana yesterday. So nice to be back with Sethu.

Nana is a Christian and she's just like me. She and I were talking deeply about God and she said she'd never met anyone like me, with whom she could talk so deeply about God. She said people thought she was mad. But I understood her perfectly.

I've temporarily mislaid my cellphone and I think Sethu's got it, I hope so or I'm baloogered.

God I'm so happy because I had the happiest time of my life last night, out with Sethu and Nana, they are such beautiful girls and Nana was the most beautiful Christian girl I've ever met in my life, perhaps apart from Lynwen. We could talk so, so nicely about God.

We were pissed though.

Oh and Nana said to Sethu, "he's nicely pissed now", she said it in Xhosa but I understood, so I said, "Did you just say, 'he's nicely pissed now'?" And they laughed and called me a Xhosa.

And I tipped the man at Cubana and he said he'd never received such a big tip and everyone was happy last night and God was good and people were so beautiful, even the Russian drug dealers we met who wanted to sell me something to enjoy but I was too pissed to be able to negotiate the subtleties you need to be able to negotiate in order to score with someone you don't know.

Nana apparently was telling everyone about me. She's never met anyone like me apparently. Good old God, he's so kind. And following him through hell and back was so worth it. But now I need deliverance from all this witchy kak that I've got from my witch mother and from the witch PB. I don't want witchy power, I only want God's power. Whether that's what God wants I don't know.

As the day progresses so I'm feeling more and more crap. Oh dear, I need to sleep as well... I have a sleep deficit. And I don't really like sleeping in the day and waking up at 7 in the evening and then not being able to sleep at night. Too much sleep is almost worse than too little sleep... in the past while when I've been trying to quit using, I've been so bored and at a loose end I've ended up sleeping for like 3 days and nights in a row, and then you feel REALLY bad. I need a displacement activity. Unfortunately I need someone to ask me to write, before I can produce writing worth reading; I can't seem to get inspired by myself, I seem to need someone to ask me to write.

On the other hand I find writing when I know someone is going to read it, gives me that extra kick I need, so that writing on ML was very helpful because I knew I had a readership. But I'm not posting on ML any more (I refuse to piss about in premod) and so that avenue is closed to me.

All I want is to have a good sleep and so on, and a lovely rest. I am also assailed by anxiety; I think that's because of Sethu. Women tend to do that to me, they make me anxious. It's a nasty, metaphysical anxiety.

I've been reading Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus in French translation. For some reason I understand it perfectly in French, whereas it's ugly and indecipherable in English. The French is pellucidly clear. I don't think English as a language lends itself to philosophy.

Anyway. I hope.

Gosh I feel so ill, I feel close to death. So weak, and heavy with ache in my chest and guts. I feel close to death. I wouldn't mind; I've composed one piece which I feel ought to be performed - more than one, but only substantial one, the Theme and Variations - and I've written one book, which is hot off the press even now. Although there has been a slight hiccup. Pissed off about that. I've even got Volume 2 ready and waiting to be printed. So that's 1 piece of music and 1 book for me to be remembered by.

Went for a lie-down but couldn't sleep. Feel marginally less rubbish than I felt earlier. I do, however, need a good long sleep.

Got nothing done today. We were going to Wynberg but I'm not up to that so Sethu went home.

Three of us in a lift, Sethu & Groovy Su and I. I tried to introduce the two ladies but completely forgot Sethu's name. How embarrassing.

Annoyed with Vodacom who still haven't got back to me about my contract.

So I've phoned them. She asked me for the name of the guy who "served" me. I didn't know it; he never proffered it. I loathe unprofessionalism. Well, they refused me a contract on entirely spurious grounds. Computer said no. Computer said there was an issue with my payment. Whereas the payment comes off every month by dd. So I don't give them their money, they take it. So how there can be a problem is anyone's guess. I'm now waiting for the girl I've just spoken to to get back to me. Computer says no.

Anyway the wifi aerial on my cellphone has broken and it can only pick up my wifi signal in the room where the extender is. That must have happened when I dropt it. Or perhaps someone touched it. And I was told, when I took out this contract, that I could have a new phone if this one went West. Which promise they entirely reneged on when I took it back to the shop where I bought it. They were a bunch of Satanists in that shop which was annoying, they think themselves so special because they sing for the devil. I've got to take this instrument back and get it changed or mended because I've got a larney contract so I really ought to have a larney phone. At the moment I have my contract SIM card in my old phone... I have had 3 Blackberries in my life, one I lost in Benoni, one I replaced it with (an inferior model) and a new one I got with the contract, which was the same as the first one. This is the one that's wifi antenna is bust.

So you see.

I have an idea about the word acher, from which the Hebrew for "future" is derived. You see acher basically has the meaning "behind", "coming after", "coming behind". The concept behind is the operative one here. You see if you walk into the future facing the future, what is behind you is the past.

So the Hebrew language considers the future as that which is behind you. In other words you face the present looking back on it; the future is behind you, it comes after you. The direction of motion is walking from the End of Time forwards into the present.

It is like seeing a man from far off walking towards you. You see him advancing with someone else following behind. He walks into your presence from the distance of future time.

Whereas in our thought we consider the future as something we walk into; the Hebrew language considers the future as that which approaches you from the distance of the Eschaton.

We walk into the future from the past; Hebrew has the future advancing towards you from the End of Time.

I don't know if this is right or not. The Greek is ta erkhomena, "that which is coming".

I don't know. I just got a vibe off the word "acherit" which is Hebrew for future. I got a vibe off it you see. Perhaps it's a false friend. Don't know.

Really not feeling myself today. Well I had a lot to drink yesterday. Not keen on that. The girls were drinking too. We tumbled into taxis.

Haven't heard from Vodacom. It's most perplexinge.

My hope and future tract contains a self-contradiction.

I've got that horrendous bloated feeling in my guts again because of Sethu. My gut groweth and I wax fat on someone else's

Just as I remember the first time I ever used the word "doch" in German, which gave me a thrill, so I've just used the word "shot" for the first time. It's slang for "OK".

Sethu and Nana are coming round. Pity I don't feel at all well. I don't think I'll be going anywhere on Thursday. Nana was going to take me to see the iprofeti but I can't, not with the blockage.

No wonder I feel so ill; at 6.30 this morning I was still pissed from last night. The hangover is pretty intense but no headache. I just feel like there's something seriously the matter with me. I need a steam room.

In the old days in Amerikey you used to have to write your doctor's dissertation in Hebrew.

Sethu and Nana are here and Sethu's brought a whole bunch of laundry to be done. Well my washing's still in the machine, I haven't bothered to haul it out and hang it up, I just feel dreadful and haven't really felt right for months. It feels like I'm dying.

I'm in a foul temper. Really foul. Andrew sent me a link to a page that I cannot view, not having the appropriate permissions. (THIS is the correct usage of the word "appropriate", by the way. It does NOT mean "decent" as much as inappropriate does not mean "indecent".) Sethu gave me a fax to send and can't even get a fecking fax number right. Oh I'm sick of it.

Sweating out my discomfort. I feel so blessed to have Sethu and Nana here. Nana is sitting in her room reading my book, and Sethu is sitting in the Study doing her University Honours work. I am in my den. There is ample place for 3 people to live here without getting in each other's way. I have offered to Nana that she can stay here permanently while she's a student. She seemed to jump at the chance. I'd like Sethu here too. Two women and one sad, frustrated, damaged man, it does me a world of good. Especially as they are such lovely woman. Nana says I have a sweet heart. She nearly made me cry when she said that.