h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yesterday was a write-off. Terrible. Anagke me pausasthai farmaka lambanein.

Fed up really. Had enough of things at the moment. It just goes on and on without respite.

Nothing I do or don't do appears to make any difference. Round and round in circles. Any progress made is SO slow; one step forwards, three steps backwards. Let someone else exercise some faith for a change. Sitting there complacently. How I hate complacency. "Bring us drinks!" Feck off, then.

Bugger it I'm in a bad mood. What a downer.

Found a poem by RS Thomas. Beautiful.

Better not reproduce it here because of copyright. It's called "The Other".

It's very difficult with all the voices. Constantly imposing irrational and unreasonable demands which you cannot meet because you are lying in a ditch in a field in North Carolina, trying to get home.

I was having a lovely time until the afternoon of the day before yesterday, when I suddenly started hurting again.

And that's gone on until today. Difficult because it's like the people who can see but who lack faith comment, it's like the German toilets, there's this ledge where instead of flushing away your poo they poke about in it.

Everything's gone crazy again.

People were criticising Dylan Thomas. I dunno. I think there's room for everyone. I read today that some people thought RS Thomas was a greater poet than Dylan. I don't know. I love both. One is clear pure water and the other one is a mouthful of Christmas cake. When you've eaten Christmas cake you need water to drink, even if only the water of life. Then you are satisfied. So I don't know. Why compare Dylan with RS when you can have both? It's like comparing water with cake. If you only even had cake then you would die of thirst. If you only ever had water you would die of hunger.

Would you believe it, the noise has started up again. I can't believe how shellfish those people are.

Anyway, I'm Thursday today all over.

My soul and my mind are out to luncheon but my heart is steadfast. It's like David talking to his soul. His heart was impassionate and steadfast, but his soul was here there and everywhere. So he said, Why are you downcast, O my soul? Be thou not downcast but rejoice, because Jesus has forgiven you.

Driving a car into the empty space beyond a cliff. That's not a good idea. Doing a Thelma and Louise.

Nolita phoned at 6.30 this morning, two and a quarter hours ago, saying she was coming today. So she's coming is she? I see.

The impassibility of God is one of the Patristic arguments. It can very easily be defined like Weeble. Remember those? Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. Similarly David's heart was impassive. He mourned, and then he fasted, and then his son died, and he got up and ate. Because he had learnt to control his soul. That's useful to know. Sermon material. David had to learn how to master his emotions. And by the end, he had, so that he could sleep even with virgins, because the soul who has suffered is done with sin.

And that's quite a good outline of King David's hotel, which was bombed by the Irgun.

He had to suffer the death of his son and the rebellion and death of Absolom his other son. Like Egypt's firstborn. Like Hannah's firstborn. Given to God. Herem isn't it? We give our firstborn to God and he gives us his firstborn in return.

Through many hardships do we enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Many are the troubles of the righteous; but the LORD delivers them out of them all.

Praios hws pater.

I want to write a tract. A philological literary critical tract. That's a hard one to pull off. But you can do it. And you should really keep on doing it because these tracts are entertainmentalist.

I've switched my phone off because all I was getting was messages from the Bank which I don't want.

Now it's summer coming I am happier and I can stop using.

If I keep myself busy here I can shut out the noise of the voices. "I'm leaving you," she said. Well what am I supposed to think about that? She never came that she can go. It's like a hunger artist, people standing about examining the tords while munching packets of crisps and raisins. Give me apples to stay my heart, and raisins to make me shit. Ointment. Magic ointment for the healing of the sick at heart. If your heart is diseased they have to saw through your breastbone and remove half the heart and graft a fresh one on. That's always bothered me; sometimes in a heart transplant they won't remove the diseased heart altogether, but cut half of it out and stitch part of the donor heart onto the old one. That's real weird cos then you have a man with 2 hearts. Like a Time Lord.

He'll never make a Time Lord. That was awful.

Anyway Delvig, what's on the agenda today? Delvig, are you awake? Do you sleep in your chair and write letters to the dead? What's happening today? Ti oun ginetai semeron? Grapsw ti kainon? Delvig? Have you done your homework?

Yes I have done my homework. In fact I did it three times because I have to hand in three books of homework because of the number three.

Unfriendly world.

You must always remember though, Helga's so superior to you that she must completely tell you what it's not about. That's a favourite of those people who can't help their innate superiority: they fondly rebuke and say what it's not about. If you get an answer to a question wrong, they'll say, It's not about how many degrees you've got.

Oh dear the pear turned bitter.

Wrong? Wasn't she bitter when she told us what it's not about?

Oh I see. But you must remember it's not about how many degrees you've got. I never got an apology for that either. Actually she was really fecked up and you saw a crack and blew it wide open to knock down the wall and build it again true to plumb like Amos.

You couldn't do that as a tract because the scholars are undecided and in any case it wouldn't be a nice message that everybody wants to hear.

Like it's not how many degrees you've got.

Oh that's a test you see. I can be as unpleasant as I like as long as I remember to say afterwards, it's only a test to see you fail.

Lack of faith is alarming. When I come back will I find faith on the earth?

Surely I tell you today you will be with me in Paradise.

Remember me when you come into your Kingdom.

He's innocent. Not like us, who deserve to be crucified. Deserve? Because of some law that says Crucifixion for the criminal?

Here's a word of encouragement, he says, and smacks you in the teeth.

God bless you my encourager. Job had encouragers like that. And God was cross with them.

It's like Vinnie Jones smashing the man's head with a car door. Or Mr Rectum smashing the man's head, stoving it in with a fire extinguisher. That wasn't very nice was it. But neither was Mr Rectum. I think was one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. I thought it was brilliant. The ending was amazing. That was a great film.

Everything in reverse. Too right.

Anyway it's like docking two spacecraft. You've got to do the opposite of what you'd think. Sometimes you have to smash. Who said that? The Rebbe, that's who. Or was Mr Gordon. Could have been Mr Gordon, but I don't think so. I think it was the Rebbe. Sometimes you have to smash.

Smash schmash.

Schmasch.

Irregular verbs of being.

Ianaian Torrance appears as himself in two of Alexander McCall Smith's Edinburgh books. That's amazing. Rien de plus. Encore ne pas.

Recevoir, prendre, ce sont les deux sens de lambanw which is what we must do with our faith. Of course you believe then you fight then you rest.. Enter God's rest. The seventh day. There's so much symbolism in the Bible it hurts to read it sometimes.

When does it mean? I don't know. You tell me, you're the one with a ministry.

I fell asleep for about 20 minutes I think. Just like that, fell asleep. Feel better now. When I woke up I got out of bed on the wrong side. Now I've had my kip I feel like I've got out of bed on the right side. It doesn't matter. In fact nothing matters much. I used to think things did matter. But now I think mostly, they don't.

Paul expresses this idea in 1 Cor. 7:27-30. What I mean is this, adelfoi. It's like hebel in Ecclesiastes, which is all about the forms of this world and how they are passing awa', awa'.

I am feeling much better now than I was earlier.