h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Had a quiet night. Nothing much to report. Monday... had an idea for another tract, on "shepherd", it depends on the root of ro'eh.

Let the Lord arise, and scatter all his enemies.

I'm happy again. Since about seven thirty last night I've been through a bit of a 'dark night of the soul' and it was truly awful. But I stood through it, holding on to the promises of God, refusing to believe the evidence of my feelings, and in the end I just slept through the last bit and woke up with a smile on my face! God has come through for me.

It's Tim and Hugh.

Israel under attack from the usual suspects. I finally had enough and set out my opinion and belief very clearly. I expect the wigglies will be vomitty woo and the razor blades of righteousness scraping against each other just behind the pallid noses of the weemy.

It's refreshing to watch Revelation with their lovely understated English way. Here they are a bit Amerikan and there's also the matter of the vision of judgement. I remember tuning in and hearing a noise of disapproval like a mudgeonly scowl.

Cloud of witnesses. They are very lovely, some of them.

We mustn't hide our light under a bushel.

I see L. has sent me a message on LinkedIn. I'm not going to open it; I'm sick of people being nasty to me, especially women. If she wants to get my attention she can send an ordinary email.

Basically I don't want to be hurt any more... she's rejected me once and I don't want to have to endure more of the same. I can't imagine why else she would want to write to me.

Taking comfort in a YouTube documentary about Britten, who I think was the greatest composer of the 20th century. Tim Brearley said Messiaen was one of the greatest of the 20th century... I don't know much Messiaen except the Quatuor and Turangalila, oh and Canteyodjaya, which is brilliant. Despite being recommended them I've never listened to the Vingt Regards. Everything I've heard of Messiaen has impressed me hugely, but Britten has a particular beauty that appeals to me very much indeed. On one of the YouTube documentaries there's a clip of him in a church with a passage of his music being played, and my goodness, it's the most beautiful sound, it's just incredible beauty. I can't explain it. It just resonates very, very personally and intimately with me.

I've got this motif which I'm wondering what to do with. I was trying writing music for orchestra, I found it very easy to orchestrate, but probably that means I was doing it badly... I wrote a passage for strings, and then just heard what the woodwind should be doing in it, I just heard the music, so I wrote what I heard. When I write music, I write what comes to me, as through dictation; I can't do it at will, and I can't invent music, I have to just let it come. Writing melodies, I just write what comes to me. The next note is the obvious one that must come after the previous one. I was doing this sketch for piano and small orchestra, and this melody just happened. I don't know where it comes from. I'm not making any great claims for inspiration; but I cannot write music at will. I have to have an idea, and ideas happen, I cannot generate them.

Come to think of it, it's the same with prose; but I have studied theology, so I have a technique for writing my Bible studies. I have never had lessons in composition so I don't have a technique, I literally just write down what I hear. Totally amateurish. There's one piece which I'm particularly pleased with, the Theme and Variations for piano solo. This is a computer-generated performance but I have someone in Natal learning the piece, and I hope to hear her play it some time. Here's the mp3:

http://rjhillier.net/compositions/pianovariations/Variations.mp3

I like this piece. Variations 1-6 were composed in 2000, and I finished the piece in Jan this year. I had a sudden outflowering of music from Sept 2013 until April 2014 and then it dried up... I am starting slowly again, but nothing is coming to me with the immediacy of the music of that 8 month period I had, when I was composing something practically all the time, and it was all what I consider to be worthwhile music - the Elegy for Bob, the Theme and Variations, the Sonatina and the Little Sonata. Also some solo cello music which was less warmly received by my critics; I rescued the slow movement of a cello suite for the finale of the Little Sonata, and two other movements for a short two-movement piece called Song and Dance.

I am presently experimenting with writing for orchestra as I said, and it's coming just the same as all my other music comes - I write down what I hear. I don't really compose, I take down dictation. Although I am aware of constantly 'doing' music in my head, all the time.

I just wish I were more fluent. Or rather, that I had the inspiration to write more often, because when I am composing properly, I am very fluent. It's just that I have no technique to speak of, and no-one to criticise the music from an informed standpoint. I asked A to ask his son's composition teacher to give me some feedback but I heard nothing, despite A's having said he wished he'd had feedback when he was starting out in his work.

Anyway I've got this 4-note motif which I don't know what to do with.

More of my music is available to listen to here:

http://rjhillier.net/compositions/Scores/Scores.html

I'm so glad God is in control of my life. He knows what he's doing. Hallelujah.

Someone was extremely hostile, yet they profess to know God and so on. I think I'll call it Christianism. It's very, very close to the faith, but falls short when really examined. Revelation are Christians; CCFM are Christianists, most of them. If you push them really hard, it's Christianism you get, and they turn funny on you, like Ada, she's become bitter and hostile now, sarcastic. Oh, and Ranulph too, he's a different case, though, just hasn't died to self, probably no-one challenged him because of his gifts.

Hooly was really hostile, which you just aren't, if you love the brethren. Well, to put it as kindly as I can, it's a disastrous lack of wisdom, which is ironic, because I thought this person was very wise in God.

But very young. (Although all the time proclaiming itself an 'old soul'.) Something must have changed for the person to turn hostile.

So. I can forget Barry's House of Heretics, because regrettably they really are heretics. I might write about this heresy.

Oh, and at the Christian bookshop, two girls, who were moving in demonic power. Now this was interesting, because lots of them have treated me that way, and I always assumed that was what the faith was like! It's only because I had my own relationship with God, that I continued. Had I been dependent on others I should have walked away years ago.

So I've got 2 modern heresies to think about. Barry's House of Heretics style Christianism, and the more overt demonry of these two girls. Which is also a form of Christianism, only less subtle. But very prevalent if my experience is anything to go by - teenage girls' spirituality masquerading as holy. Now, Dawie Smit said that the best ministry was entirely behind the veil, in the upper room, and it looks like that may be what God is giving me. Ekklesia - called out. I don't mind. I've got more focus now, it's much better than it was.

Once they've done my Den I'll start writing Vol 3. Or should I make a start now. I would just have to get a load of books hither thence.

Desmond Tutu says anti-gayism is the same as racism. He says he didn't fight apartheid in order to promote anti-gayism and biggitrous people with inappropriate views. In fact he demotes anti-gayism and biggitrous peple with inappropriate understandings.