h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Got up mid morning, and Henry came almost immediately I had settled down (after my pint of tea). He said there was nothing happening at work. We spent time chatting and mustarding and stuff.

After a bit we went to Die Boord to get more alcohol. I foolishly forgot to get more Camels. I will have to smoke rollies this evening. I have got used to Camels again. That's probably foolish too.

We watched Heimat for an hour or so - what a fascinating series that was! - and then Henry had to go.

I then watched what was possibly one of the worst films ever made, before The Archers. I was well impressed with the episode this evening, especially Ali's talking-to. Powerful stuff.

When a film is as bad as that, I suspect I may not be getting it.

This evening I have Nicole Kidman in The Interpreter. I remember the posters for that in Leeds, waiting at bus stops looking at the advertising.

It has been a grey day. Nothing to write home about.

I'm sorry to say I thought The Interpreter was also nothing to write home about! Although having worked with conference interpreters a lot in a couple of my previous jobs, I did think it portrayed their working environment quite well.

I just had a very sad conversation with Rigby. I recently discovered that he was a bad penny, but I thought I would be able to keep this bad penny as a friend, just as Jesus had friends of different kinds.

But tonight he accused me of selfishness, and I believe this about me and selfishness: that I was as a teenager and am now intensely selfish, selfish with the infant's greed. But with God's empowering Spirit I am able to overcome the evil of this selfishness and turn it into something wonderful. I attribute my penchant for spiritual meditation as an alternative, good-oriented use of the kinks in my character that in the past made me act selfishly. In other words, I hope I have grown up.

Rigby is presenting me with a pre-grown up Richard. It is old news, old hat, but that's all he can see me as. I have often wondered if he actually works for the dark side: that his quip this evening about joining Satan's side was actually made in the openness of the possibility that I would act positively (in his view).

So as Francesca intuited years ago, I must ditch Rigby. He is bitter because he finally can't use me to fund his penchant for electronic devices and heavy rock. He also wants me to buy him a mobile phone. To keep Rigby happy now, I would have to spend R900 on the phone and R1600 on the speakers. Making a grand total of R2500. I'm sorry, but that's money that I simply haven't got, to consign to the outer darkness of Rigby's life, or what passes for a life in his case.

Well, the devil in him has told me and accused me of several things that I have heard in the past, and I know that the devil is a liar, so I can let these things wash into me and through me, and know that not a word of it will stick in my body/soul continuum.

I feel better for that rant. It is good to get toxic people out of your life. Rigby was just interested in my money. I suppose there are many people in my life, and have been more, who are interested in me because of my money. Even Sandile's continuing interest in me was conditioned solely because I was paying him for his friendship.

Goodness gracious me, we learn lessons hard in life. That lesson about paying for friendship cost me in the region of R179,000 - that's a lot of money in South Africa.

Well they say a fool and his money are easily parted. May God bring me friends who are not just interested in my money. But first I suppose he wanted me to learn the lesson about people myself, I don't know.

I will also say that by giving Sandile this money, I was doing what God expected me to do. This complicates the matter somewhat.

I do admit that I live a life of luxury. Well not luxury - plain food, plain clothes, no fancy girlfriend. But I am very comfortable. If I want a DVD or a CD, I buy it (within reason). I eat enough. I am warm. I have luxuries like the Internet at home and a cellphone on contract. I have a car, which I don't even have to pay off. I don't have to pay rent. I can afford "port and cigars".

I have no problem with this, you see. I pay my tithes, in fact I pay over 10% of my income to various causes, but I am in no way different from many secular people in this respect. So (from God's point of view), once I have paid my tithes, I am free to spend the rest on myself. And that's what I do. I live fairly moderately, and end up more or less balancing the books at the end of the month. I'm in control of my spending. Now Rigby is saying I am being selfish because i'm not paying for his lifestyle by sacrificing my own.

I guess my answer No, I can't, means I won't make Mother Theresa status. Tough.

He couldn't take that. He insisted that I was morally bankrupt and I said Then we can't continue the friendship, at which point he put the phone down on me.

So he was only interested in my friendship because he was angling for money out of it. I should have picked this up earlier. Rigby of course is notoriously stingy and has stolen from me at least once in the past, big money too.

So there was always something warped going on. At least we didn't have a row - we just ended it, there and then.

Gerry is another one who only really sees me as a money making opportunity, preferably without his having to do anything other than use a few con artists tricks.

What does the fact that so many of my friends are spongers, not really interested in me at all, but in my money? This is enough to make one weep, although I am containing the pain in my heart and not allowing myself to dive into it and emerge in tears. I will assuage the loneliness of friendlessness with despairing resignation to what I persist in perceiving as "God's will" for my life - God's will that I should be crucified in my emotional life. I am prepared even to give up a wife for the greater glory of God. I was thinking this evening, It wouldn't be too bad never to touch a woman again, never to marry, never to have that human companionship and warmth. I'm sure there are divine comforts to be won through the obedience of Christ. In fact I know this to be the case, of course.

Ah me. "I'm sure there's nobody remotely interested in the time at the moment". This is true. It's 2:22am and I don't care, although I have to remember to get up for Grieta tomorrow morning.

I suppose I must come over as a sad individual with only users for friends and the dogged hard adherence to the creed of the cross. But I'm not mentally ill. I am under control with the medication and all that I am experiencing now is part of God's leading and plan for my continuing education.

Interesting phenomenon: the Da Vinci code movie coming out suddenly all over the world. I wonder what Satan's plan is in this event, and how Father God is going to subvert it to his own holy Ends? Interesting.

I seem to have learned a better way to finesse the machinations of the enemy. This is interesting indeed. Learned at personal cost, but I'm grateful for the lesson.

Seriously though, there are plenty of Christians who know "who I am" simply by reading my vibe or, in other cases, through direct revelation of God. Maybe I ought to try to mix with these people again? I wonder where I would find them. But people my age, please.

When there's an understanding about identity, I find I can share quite effectively with Christians of good maturity. I have enjoyed several conversations with people like this: I think of Iain Torrance, that Greek Orthodox guy Petros, and that Serb Orthodox guy I met at Stauch's engagement party all those years ago.

I wonder if I would be able to machinate a life which involves going to parties every week and meeting people like those people? I wonder sometimes what God is going to say to me on Judgement Day. I am thinking perhaps he will say You made no effort to enjoy the world of nature and people I have supplied you with on a plate here in Stellenbosch. I have no answer to this but to throw myself on God's mercy and search my own conscience to find out whether I am guilty of not. My conscience is clear because of certain things I know.

These certain things determine all my inner being. It is part of being a Christian. Every now and again we get buffetings from the Enemy. It is part of the normal Christian life.

I suppose I could get out more, though.

No, Dagesh, you do not - and can not - /know/. You can, however, firmly /think/ - or /believe/ - that you "know". Sorry to disillusion you, but this is an absolute truth - a truth which exists outside of (say, my) 'belief' or supposed 'knowledge' of its veracity.

Sorry that you've been 'used' (or, at least, believe that you've been used) by people you befriended. Life's a sh:t and then you die, as they say (and I believe they are right - for some people's lives). I assume that your rant above was in no way a judgement of these people.


May I suggest that you should try taking control - and responsibility - of your own life... and not always blame/credit your god/devil/dark-side for everything that happens?

Actually, I realise now that the answer is "Yes, I can suggest it", but I also realise that it probably won't be welcomed by you. Indeed, you will no doubt believe that I say this because I am firmly in the grip of 'the dark side'.. in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you've thought this of me for a long time. In which case you obviously consider me as one of your imagined 'enemy'. Or maybe not.. I could be mistaken. I frequently am.



Hope you are well.


I need to get out more too.

jont {;¬· >···{