h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You seem to be having a bit of a nightmare workwise.
I sympathise, I hated working so much I just stopped doing it. Then I very luckily found something to do that I really enjoy before I starved to death.
Good luck with your search.

Thank you for your kind words
I'm looking for a job that pays well and doesn't involve doing anything except maybe mooching around a bit, and eating the odd pizza. Trouble is, there doesn't seem to be anything out there...

I can't offer any advice on that sort of job. The nearest I can get is to take a job doing something that you do anyway, and then getting paid for it is like doing nothing.

Trouble is, what I do anyway, is mooch about and eat the odd pizza!

Then that could be a problem.
You don't do anything else, at all?

I try not to

Well, I'm a hospital doctor (but I wouldn't do it as a hobby).

hmm, if you wouldn't do it as a hobby it's not really like doing nothing. You must have a hobby that you could make money out of?

Does surfing the internet, going to the pub, sleeping, and scouting for h2g2 pay?

If it does, I'll fight you for it! (Except the scouting bit)

If I ever win the lottery, I'll use the money to set up a company, where all the employees just drink, surf and sleep. You'll get 35K + bonuses, and a company car. Just send me your CV.

Excellent.
I'll accept the job!
You don't really want a CV do you?

Naah. All you need is a certificate showing that you are fully qualified to loaf about, drinking beer.

A certificate?

I'm certified to loaf about drinking cider, will that do?

I am sure that will be fine. In fact, you can be the Executive Director of the Loafing (Apple-based beverages) Division.

That sounds just right. It will suit me down to the ground. Which is where I can usually be found after drinking too much cider.