Journal Entries
TO MY SURPRISE
Posted Jan 20, 2010
Well to my surprise he called within the hour to Thank me profusely for the call, I tried to act confident on the phone. He asked how was I and I said I was doing really good.
He told me he thinks of me all the time and even if I dont believe him, I am a very special person to him and always be. He told he has been thinking of me all this time. (but of course hes too macho to call).
it was a very short conversation but a friendly one. There were no I love u's no I miss you's nothing like that. There no "when will I see you OR lets meet"
And that is the end of this day for now. I will make sure I dont make the same stupid mistake again.
Dont call you idiot!!!
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Latest reply: Jan 20, 2010
How Stupid Am I?
Posted Jan 20, 2010
I must be the worlds more stupid person! I should tattoo that in my head. I was doing so well.
I am working like a dog here at the office and what happens out of nowhere I pick up the phone and call. Of course it went to voice mail and I left a friendly message. I just said it was from a friend to a friend just making sure things are okay>>>!!!!
What the F**!! why did I do that!??!! I am so mad, I feel embarrassed!
I am praying he doesnt call back. If he would call back what I am supposed to say and what is he supposed to say "oh hi, ugly weather"
oh please dont call back!!
I feel like such a failure. I was doing so well.
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Latest reply: Jan 20, 2010
Life is Beautiful
Posted Jan 19, 2010
Hello,
Today I am still mourning the loss of a relationship. But today I am doing much better. I am very proud of myself.
Emotions go up and down. This is something new for me, writing a journal where people can read them. But at the same time I find it helpful because I might get so advice, reality check hopefully no harsh words as one time I was stoned with words by this lady in yahoo.
Finding an article about being someone elses lover is very interesting. I dont consider myself a mistress because I dont take any money from him, I pay for my mortgage and all the bills in my home. He provided me with little gifts for special occassions such as my b'day, christmas.
What started as a fun, casual thing, on and off, in the past two years became more intense. Scary he called it. He said he would go home to his wife whom he has been married maybe 30 or more years and the house is always full of people from what he tells me. Anyways, he said he would find it hard to concentrate and keep a straight serious face.
I wanted nothing more than to make him smile, make him feel that he could tell me anything he wished. I became his confidant, his friend and lover. He became the person who provided me with the sexual attention I dont get in my current long term relationship.
This may sound weird but I believe is possible to love more than one person. Mr. Lover only saw me when he had the time, being a business man he is always on the go. We never dated, both have kept our private lives private.
Of course as a woman, my feelings for him are so strong. I hadnt seen him for three weeks. And I became desperate. So I texted him and lets just say my message was not really nice but it wasnt harsh as well. I called the next morning and apologized. By the time I spoke to him that afternoon, he said he didnt have time for arguments, he has a lot going on in his life, and he hates arguing with me. He said I was very special and to please not hate him. There is alot he has to finish.
I told him to finish what he had to finish and thats how we ended our conversation. I have not spoken to him ever since (5 days ago). Nor will I call. He told me over and over how much he loved me.
I didnt believe him at first until he grabed me and looked at me right in the eyes and told me he loves me. And I believed him. Ever since we always told each other "i love you".
I just hope he will one day remember the girl who gave him her everything without asking for nothing in return.
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Latest reply: Jan 19, 2010
fallen23
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