h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My left on your left? Your inside my computer looking out you see so you have a different perspective.

That would be your left then.

Which photo are we referring to?

You're facebook one. I've seen you now. I just don't know which one you are.

Believe me bearded one.

The more you ask me to believe you the less I do.

Miss Kippertie is the only one I'll trust.

I'm the one on the left as you look at it. The really drunk one who can't focus and is pointing. That's my usual weekend look

Believe me! I'm right about these things, I'm always right.

I have a Bendtner-like arrogance. And you shall grovel at my feet for forgiveness when I am proven right.

That is, the current picture that she is using, and not if she changes it.

I will not hold a grudge now.

I apologise GFC.

Miss Kippertie, my wife must never know about you. You're far too attractive.

I accept your apology. I am omnipotent, awesome, and arrogant, but also humble and graceful.

You're a charmer my bearded friend, but I don't expect people to say such things about my comedy pictures However, I expect you to notice when I put a picturee of myself looking stunning on FB, and to comment accordingly

"You're a charmer my bearded friend, but I don't expect people to say such things about my comedy pictures"

Well I think you look perfectly lovely. Dear god any pictures of me when I'm drunk make me look like I'm a disgusting wretch. Which of course I am, but I hate that people can tell from a photo.

"Which of course I am, but I hate that people can tell from a photo."

I thought your wedding pictures were wonderful. I hope I am as happy on my wedding day

"I thought your wedding pictures were wonderful. I hope I am as happy on my wedding day"

You will be. It's very difficult not to be happy on your wedding day. As long as you love the person you're marrying obviously.

Even in my wedding photos though there are quite a few where I look like a drunken buffoon. We've got our official ones now I should put them up, I look much more dashing in them.

"As long as you love the person you're marrying obviously."

That won't be a problem. Nobody ever loves me though. I'm just a toy for distraction.

"Even in my wedding photos though there are quite a few where I look like a drunken buffoon."

I thought they were quite cool, at least it wasn't you being fake. I hate fake photographs.

"That won't be a problem. Nobody ever loves me though. I'm just a toy for distraction."

Well as long as you love her it doesn't really matter what they think of you does it? I'm not sure that's good relationship advice actually.

You're a good looking young lad, get out there and play the field, you'll find someone soon enough.

I've never really been one to play the field as such. I'm incredibly unserious in real life and I will happily attempt to make jokes and puns out of anything, which is why when I see a nice girl that I actually like, she thinks I'm only play flirting! And that gets me nowhere!

I had a similar problem. Eventually though it'll all come good.

Anyway I'm off, have a good weekend Spritey.

Later Beardy!