h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's the sound of the eggs that I just lobbed at your house.

*starts dumping laundry soap in the sprinkler system, puts a banana in the Clones' tailpipe, and toilet papers the landscaping*

*then kicks the Clones' Chihuahua in the shins and runs off*

Now, first of all, the clones don't have a dog. Even so, you wouldn't have got NEAR the house without the clones knowing about it. And the instant you'd thrown the egg, it would have got caught in midair with the Force and lobbed straight back into your face.


[As the egg leaves Fraulien's hand, it decides to ignore the laws of physics for a bit, and it splatters into her face. The next instant, all six clones have beamed out and are aiming their lightsabers at her]

Ha! What you don't know is that I am lobbing nuclear-powered high performance voice activated eggs that only respond to my commands.

*The aforementioned eggs land squarely on the tip of each clone's "lightsaber"--really plastic toys purchased at Toys-R-Us--and extinguish the sabers.*

*Then she throws banana cream pies at the clones. Each clone receives three pies in the face.*



*Drives away, squealing tires and all...*

[No, the lightsabers were real.]

[A Sith Infiltrator flies over her car and for the usual no-good-reason starts firing a phaser blast at the pavement behind her. The beam moves forward. No, tossing a quarter into the beam won't deflect it, it will vaporize the quarter. No, a car can't outdistance a starfighter, not even one trying to keep top performance in an atmosphere. No, the ship isn't going to hit a bird and go all screwy. But from now on, we're going to let the target decide if she's hit and how hard. And so should you, except that you're just trying to be rude]

[Abruptly, the Sith Infiltrator starts shaking ridiculously anyway, and sounds of incomprehensible profanity is heard from the clones inside. It crashes right behind Fraulien's car, and then abruptly a young woman with black hair, wearing a dark purple ninja outfit lands through the sunroof in the passenger seat, whichever side that's on. No, she's definitely not YK, because he's a male character]

[Girl] Hi.

Rude, eh?

Who's pulling out their imaginary sith pals to beat up on one little kid playing juvenile tricks? Having to rely on lightsabers to combat toilet paper and soap. Jeez. What a big bunch of babies.

*jumps on a tricyle and pedals down the block, away from the mean people who live in here...*

*and the ninja chick who nearly crashed into my car*

Complaining about MY rudeness when you're pulling juvenile stunts like that!

1. You're specifying something about MY characters. Now, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when other researchers control my characters, and specifying something about them amounts to the same thing.

2. The Clones are evil. They therefore gang up on people. You should've thought about THAT before you attacked them.

3. There is no #3.

4. The girl is on your side. She's single-handedly responsible for the Clones not blasting your car to bits, eh?

Now wait a cotton-pickin' minute here! How was I supposed to know there are multiple personalities AND characters BUT only one researcher responding to my overtures? You should warn any innocent researchers who wander along, thinking they're playing a harmless joke. And nowhere in their nom-de-plume does it say that the clones are evil. Granted, one of them choked me to death in another forum, but that's not evilness per se.

So there!

1. To copy-and-paste directly from the Clones' front page, they "are dedicated members of STUMPED, a group of evildoers on the H2G2."

2. The clones are Sith. The Sith are evil. Need I draw a zarking DIAGRAM for you?

3. Y2K, on the Clones' front page, assures the reader that he will succeed in taking revenge on me, saying, "Evil will always triumph, because good ... is dumb!"

4. On the bottom it says that YC and YQ have "UNFORTUNATELY turned to the Good Side" (Emphasis mine)

As for the fact that we're the same researcher, it also says THAT on our front page. And in the nic, whaddaya WANT me to say? "Six clones, who are evil, and are the same as YK irl"??

Hey, what can I say? I'm illiterate, my parents never got married.

I think you meanest "Illegitimate".

I beg your pardon. I am *not* mean.

Er, I meant that as Ye Olde Anglish for "means". I meant, "I think you mean, Illegitimate." Shoulda been more clear. Sorry.

Clearly, ye are silly. Excuse me while I haul ye old booty down to the Olde English Grammar Shoppe.

Right. Anyway, back to this useless and repetitive bickering we've been having.

Perhaps you've heard the story of Fiend. Now and then he went to the Aroma Cafe, entered, greeted some "employee" who he had invented, did a "Hulk" routine, and left in some odd fashion. Now, one of the ways he left was through a closed window, so the broken glass had to be cleaned up, the window had to be fixed, Fiend's friend Sam had to be accounted for, and quite possibly Fiend had to be sued for vandalism. Instead of doing this last bit, they merely explained to Fiend that he'd been being offensive and pointed out the rules of continuity (basically, "Once something has been imagined into existence, it must be accounted for logically", "Be consistent", "Make sure you know the situation before posting", and "Have fun!"), and Fiend became a well-liked character until he told his colledge professor about the H2G2 and they pulled him off.

First of all, the clones don't have a chiuahua or a car, so I'd like to know who put them there and why. This new third party probably won't like your putting a banana in their tailpipe or kicking their chiuahua. Second of all, Fiend hadn't known he had offended anyone, and you were definitely offending for the sake of offense. So I'm going to click the "Yikes!" button. [does so]

[...and gets a "Not Implemented" error message] D'OH! D'OH! Er, never mind that.

Notice that I informed you that you were being offensive without blowing my stack and swearing, which wouldn't help and would partly make /me/ in the wrong.

This is the reason why the "crybaby" button on the bottom of each page is so ludicrous. When any researcher with a bone to pick gets their nose out of joint, they can hit that button and tattletale on others. Since you initially choked me while sitting on Santa's lap I thought you could take a joke.

Guess I was wrong. Anyway, goodbye.

Oh ... sorry. Forgot about that.

Also, the "Yikes!" button looks stupid.