h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Anyone have any advice as to how I'm supposed to "encourage" my boyfriend to be more responsible, seeing as he'll be 20 in August and still can't even seem to make his rent...

...especially since we're planning to move in together soon...

Don't look at me. I'll be 20 in September and am just now discovering what "utilities" are and why they seem to cost more than the rent...

Ummmm.... I don't know that I would be making plans to move in with someone who is repeatedly not making rent on time. If you're moving in together, you're presumedly signing a lease together, right? And if he doesn't come up with his part of the rent money, I'm doubting you're cash-rich enough to cover him for very long. But even if it's *him* that's not coming up with the cash, it's *both* of you that get the black marks on your credit reports when your rent payments don't get in. Not such a happy way to plunge into the next phase of your relationship....

At this point, it's about being willing to grow up, and do the adult thing, and be responsible. And seriously, some guys simply won't get there at 20. Or at 24 or 25 even. (It's not just guys, there are girls who want to live in Neverneverland as well). I don't know if it's really something you can push on him much -- growing up is one of those things that if you're not doing it on your own, than you're not really doing it -- you can't do his growing up for him. It's way too common for guys to go from expecting their parents to fix their mistakes to expecting their girlfriends/wives to fix their mistakes -- I think living on your own for awhile is a good way to learn to be responsible to yourself. I think it's a bit much to try and be responsible to someone else if you haven't gotten down being responsible to yourself yet.

On the other hand, it may be something really simple -- maybe no one's ever sat him down and taught him how to make and keep a budget. Or maybe his expenses really do exceed his income, and he needs an extra job -- a lot of people do at that age. Ideally, though, it would probably be better for your relationship if he could get this kind of help from someone other than you -- you don't want to get into the trap where he's dependent on you to be the responsible one -- that's just really not a happy road.


Mikey

sound advice, mikey.

i had hoped that he figure things out and get responsible when he moved out of his parents' house in October, but it seems that he hasn't quite done it. every now and then, i see that he really does have his head on straight, but sometimes he gets flaky and that's just not going to work.

i think that, since i will shortly have him living in my apartment and very much under my thumb, i will sit him down and discuss his finances with him... lay down ground rules and generally let him know that if he doesn't pay me rent, i will do evil, painful, terrible things to him. methinks i will be his personal accountant for a while, too.

it's pretty sad when i, being as bad with money as i am, am in charge of making sure another person figures out how to manage their finances. i'm hoping it's going to be a learning experience for the both of us...