h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There once was a lady called rhubarb
who struggled when calls would get hard
SCUSE ME! she said
and her face would go red
then went home to eat more yummy lard!

This post has been removed.

This post has been removed.

there once was a lady called mandy
who couldnt keep of the candy
i swear she was off her nelly
when stabbed she bled jelly

she struggled on the phone oh deary me
eating her bucket of dairylea
she ate so much bang smash pop
all of her lard all over my top

There once a guy called Paul.C
Who had a liking for Paul.G
Terry.G got angry
and jumped on poor Mandy
Congrats on the birth of a baby.

Terry and Paul.C had a fling
We love other, they would sing
until one day they found
a shrimp on the ground
Who killed them both for kissing.

friday 13th wasnt that handy
everyone sacked including mandy
her man got randy
and slept with sandy
what a controversal family

The man on the bench
by paul camps

with his strimmer and spare vest at his side
sitting there all day with mouth open wide
catchin rain water or just spazzed out
is he dead or a lager lout?

no job or girlfriend to commit
all day long he would just sit.

shouting, drinking and stinking
who knew what this man was thinking

all he had was a bag of crap
sat upright on his lap

until one day
into the bag he did stray
pulled out a photo in dismay

it was my true love he`d say
i`ll never forget that lovely day

there once was a man called paolo
whos conscience was very shallow
he slept with a girl,
dumped her on the spot
but she has the last laugh
hes got a itcy crotch

ooo sweet sweet silence..........

Terry once went to work with a limp
and was asked about it by a chimp
the truth tho was easy
he was just feeling queasy
after 8 hours dressed as a gimp.

giddys only friend was a shrimp
which murdered people everday
giddy was always smacked by his pimp
because he would never pay
he was beaten and hit with every object
the pimp could get his hands on
but thats because he lives in the projects
where every tramp comes from!!!!

there was once a shrimp called claude.
whos tenasity you could applaud
hed sit in his castle with a glare
sniping at fish without a care


whilst paulos watching stuff on tv
there is claude plotting without mercey
ill get you yet paul giddy
did anyone tell you yu like a proboscious monkey?

uber's always critisizing
my verses he cant comprehend
he thinks that he can phylosophise
but to the horizon his mind cant extend

he cant understand the words im saying
so i will say it nice and clearly
you are a dumbest person i no
and by that i mean severly

no ifs, no butts, no maybe
thats the way it is
and for the love of earth and humanity
please dont have no kids..............

Stephen Fry would dearly love to strangle you for what I guess would not be assisting the evolution of the English Language.

curses

paolo has'nt said much in a while
his writing is a bit weak
you might see him nod and smile
but you will never hear him speak

campo has him under his thumb
he will do what he is asked
campo likes it up the b*m
and giddy loves that task

ground control to major giddy. check ingtions gooo

HUH? WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?

HUH? WHOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE THESE?

SNAKE? SNAKE? SNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAKE?