h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello,

It's rather funny to me at least, You did a rather nice entry on Hot Dog Stands and I independently started one on New York foods for people on the run. I guess we're both hungry.

Yours,
Jake

Jake,

We could always mash the entries together [insert Voltron/Wondertwins reference here].

Speaking of Voltron, did you prefer the lion Voltron, or the Voltron that was composed of seemingly hundreds of little cars and planes? Or am I making the second one up? I seem to remember watching the second one religiously and liking it more than the lion one (it was more like Robotech, an ongoing story, rather than the formulaic lion Voltron episodes)--but I could be imagining it.

This puts me in mind of another television-related memory. For years, because I could find no reference to it (this was pre-Internet) and nobody else who had seen it, I thought that I had dreamed up an early-80s television show called The Powers of Matthew Star, which starred a no-name actor called Peter Barton and (!!) Louis Gossett, Jr. Relief finally came at a party, where I asked a man who had also clearly watched too much television if he had seen this show, and he had.

Now I'm looking for a reference to another early-80s show (movie?)called "The Phoenix." I may have the title wrong, but there's no mistaking the lead actor, who recently appeared in a few episodes of the X-Files as the prophet-like leader of a UFO cult what got hisself shot in a government facility.

Anyway, we should combine New York street food entries in some way.

Hello,

No. My entry 'twas but a basic skeleton where I was collecting ideas. But I think yours is much better. The only thing I could really mention is that you shouldn't forget the peanut carts (if you don't already mention them) and also I think it's worth noting that Pizza is often also available to go and NYers will crease and fold with a thumb to hold in one hand while holding their coffee in the other and running for the bus. I'm actually just waiting for your magnum opus on knishes.

I don't remember the second Voltron, and I think it sounds like some sort of dream had under a large fever. I'm actually not the best person to ask about TV trivia though, since I haven't watched too much of it (and my girlfriend sometimes think I grew up in a cave during the 80s). I did watch Voltron though, and that has made all the difference. Are you sure you aren't thinking about Transformers? I recently watched the movie (an underrated classic) and was shocked at how many of the robot's details I could remember 15 years later. I could even picture some of the boxes. And the transformer changing noise too. It'll come in handy when the Eighties revival hits its peak and I'm able to impress Young'uns at Cocktail Parties with my knowledge about Megatron becoming Galvatron.

I haven't really watched the X Files, but I'm amused that The Lone Gunmen is set in my old neighborhood where I grew up (well, on the DC side). There were lots of weirdos in that town (Takoma Park), lots of unconverted hippies too.

Yours,
Jake

Jake,

I'm sure I'm not thinking about the Transformers, which I also watched religiously. Nor am I thinking of Robotech, which I got up really early in the morning to watch before going to school. It's interesting to note, however, that the transforming design for the fighter planes in the first series of Robotech (Macross--the Veritech fighters) are identical to the Transformer named Jetfire, a later addition to the Autobot fleet--I guess they decided they needed some airpower. Just to let you know how old-school Transformer I am, I actually owned the first five or six issues of the comic book, which predate the cartoon. The cartoon, though, is probably better, if for no other reason than that beautiful transforming sound. That is a godlike sound effect. When I make my album of 21 versions of the Mr. Softee ice-cream truck song (a dream I've cherished for some time), the super-electronic version will surely sample it.

Hm. I would have picked you for an X-Files fan for some reason, and not just because, probably, there is a high concentration of X-Files fans on this site.

Also, I swear, I don't watch a tenth of the TV I used to. If we ever meet, you won't be forced to sit around while I try to turn you into a One Life to Felicity Dawson's Hospital Creek fan. And I have never even seen an episode of Survivor or Dallas.

Hello,

I also have thought it would be great to have a techno song which samples the Transformers sound, just so you could see all the heads turn in recognition when you played it anywhere. And it was a kicking sound, much cooler than the usual cheezy vocoder effects which all robots apparently had to use by law for their voices. What amazed me is that I remember the Decepticon with the tape deck (which was another robot in itself) and the corresponding Autobot. And once they were doing construction work on my dorm in College, when someone noted that all we'd need would be a cement mixer to show up for them to form Devastator, the ultimate Decepticon stomper. We all had a good laugh, but I suppose it probably seemed pathetic to any outside observers.

Rent Transformers the Movie if you haven't seen it already. It's now out on DVD even and is a wonderful trip down memory lane (complete with really cheezy metal music). Plus, did you know it was Orson Welles' last film?

The problem is that I usually can't be bothered to watch TV during the X Files slot, since I'm usually working to finish stuff due on Monday or such. Besides, I still think of Duchovny in a dress from Twin Peaks and I was miffed when they picked Terminator2 guy and not Bruce Campbell to replace him on the show. I do admit to watching Buffy now, so I guess that counts as my spooky sci-fi show. Otherwise, it's mostly just episodes of the Simpsons and DVDs or such from Kim's (incl. bootlegs of shows I could watch if I actually ordered cable).

Yours,
Jake

Hey.

Actually, I have seen Transformers: The Movie. If you really must know, I saw it in the *theater.* I was perhaps a year or two (maybe three) out of the playing-with-toys phase of my life, but my little cousins certainly weren't. I thought the movie was really cool, and I mean that in the most unironic way possible. A note about that cheesy metal music, just to satisfy your craving for trivia: the song from the Transformers movie, "The Touch," was used in Boogie Nights: it's the one that Dirk Diggler and his buddy are recording, about two-thirds of the way through that movie--or did you tell me this originally?

Also, Terminator 2 guy is a surprisingly good actor. After an episode or two, I've almost entirely forgotten that he played a role with no speaking lines. Bruce Campbell, The Hardest-Working Man in Showbiz, would have been better, but let's face it, it could be said that Bruce would improve just about any project he was involved in.

Hello,

I am amazed that you have not only seen Transformers the Movie, but that you saw it in the theater. Truly, you are hard-core. No go-bots for you, only the real thing with Rodimus Prime. I personally was impressed by the movie, because it has the highest body count of any cartoon move I've seen. Makes GI Joe seem extra wimpy by comparison. I don't know about Boogie Nights, as I have an allergic reaction to Mark Wahlberg, he gives me hives.

I'm surprised to hear about the Terminator2 guy, but I guess somebody that eerie has to be able to act or something like that. I suppose it would've been too mad-cap for them to have Bruce Campbell as a regular character, besides he had a cameo on one of the shows anyway. I wonder what the big chinned wonder is up to lately, I haven't seen him in much.

Yours,
Jake

Don't even talk to me about Go-Bots. I'll have no truck with them.

Re: high body count. That's true--I was surprised at that myself, especially because the TV show was so non-lethal. Though I'm sure there are a million anime movies that have a higher one. Akira is up there--and those deaths are *grody*.

You got it--Robert Patrick has a kind of eerie edginess about him that he can't quite get rid of. This works very much to his advantage: if he weren't a little creepy, the ex-New York City detective shtick would be hokey. As it is, it makes him sort of complicated and weird, because he doesn't look the part, even though he can act it (his light New York accent is pretty good).

Poor Bruce. I seem to recall that he was a regular on Xena for a while, though I've never actually seen that show. I'm sure he's up to something.

Hello,

Yeah, some of the deaths in Anime could get rather ugly. Of course, I have a friend who just loves the scene in Akira where three soldiers are standing around and one in the middle gets crushed by a falling structure. Some of the other deaths in Akira, etc are rather grody indeed, but he thinks that one is just grody.

So did your brother and his friends cry when Optimus Prime passes on the Prime Whatsmacallit to Rodimus? It just seems to me like perhaps the most touching part of the move I suppose.

I don't really know what Bruce Campbell is up to these days, but I have two action figures of him, which is pretty cool. One is a cheesy one from Xena (his cameos were good) and another is an impressive one for Army of Darkness (even comes with a little Necronomicon). I know he has his own website ([URL removed by moderator]), so I suppose I could check that or something.

Yesterday's Village Voice was 100 Cheap Eats in NYC. I wonder if it included any food trucks?

Yours,
Jake

Hello,

Well, those dastardly moderators saw through my ruse. How unfortunate. But still, I hope you can find where to go for all things Bruce Campbell.

I'm afraid I missed your May 2nd performance. I got a bit overtaken by personal circumstances and couldn't make it. I hope to make it to another one.

Congrats on your Muzak entry making it into the Edited Guide. Oh, I've noticed there are no entries on Voltron in the Guide. I wonder if anybody could do anything about that...

Yours,
Jake

Jake,

Re: May 2nd--no big deal. We're starting to play out all the time, so there'll be all kinds of opportunities. In fact, there'll be one next Tuesday night at 9C. Do you know 9C? It's on the corner of, er, 9th Street and Avenue C, and it's a neat little not-exactly-dive that usually gets sort of country/rockabilly groups. Not that we're either of these. But the band that holds the Tuesday spot there asked us to open for them next Tuesday; we'll be playing probably around 9:30, and only for an hour, and then Neil's band (I have no idea what their name is) goes on. I would encourage you to come to this also because Neil's band is really good. Neil writes really good songs, and has a mean lead guitarist. It's also the kind of country that people who don't like country will like.

I was able to get to the Bruce site before It happened. Why exactly do they have that rule about not posting web addresses anyway? It seems a little silly.

Hope your "personal circumstances" worked out, whatever they were. That's an interesting choice of words. It could mean you were late getting out of work and just felt too tired to go anywhere. It could mean you had something amputated. I think I prefer not to know.

There are no entries on Voltron? Well. Maybe one of these days when I have more time (e.g. July).

Oh, I should also tell you: ever since I read your entry about water towers, I have noticed them everywhere. I mean, I noticed them before, as in I knew that they existed, but now I really notice them, almost to the point of distraction.

Brian

Hello,

No, nothing got amputated, although people tell me they find the third arm rather distracting. But it's so useful around the house... I just got tied up with stuff at home. It's been a rather busy month and it won't get better till June or vacation in July.

I think they're afraid of people posting Porn or such in URLs. Seems rather silly to me, especially as it doesn't allow me to suggest nice resources in Peer Review. Besides, I think that everybody and their grandmother now knows where to get Porn on the internet, so I don't think they'd learn anything new here.

Yes, I notice them everywhere now too. I find them rather funny really, especially when you have these trendy buildings with brick and metal with a pokey water tower on the top. I just noticed a few out the window here at work for instance.

Another thing you will start to see EVERYWHERE once you know about them are the Lucky Cats ("maneki neko"). These are the usually white and painted ceramic figurines of a cat sitting up with one arm up in the air and the other holding an oval gold coin. They are for good luck or prosperity in business. Once you see one, you'll see them all over the place.

I've heard it's possible to train your ear to hear water mains, but it's not really recommended, since you can't then get away from the sound. Sounds like something out of Lovecraft or something there.

I recently had to explain graham crackers and then Smores to a bunch of Brits here on the site. It's funny how some things are known everywhere (like the Simpsons and pizza), but some concepts just don't travel.

Yours,
Jake

Jake,

I'm already attuned to the Lucky Cats, as I spent eight months in Japan after graduating college (teaching English there as an excuse to hang out in a foreign country for a while). The neko are everywhere there as well, and I was kind of surprised to see them here. In Japan, often accompanying the neko is similarly-sized beaver-woodchuck-type creature (i forget exactly what it is) that is very friendly-looking and has ENORMOUS testicles. Haven't seen too many of those around here.

Training your ear to hear water mains sounds like something you'd have to lie down in the street to do, which makes it alluring. But you're right--I don't want anything to do with it. My ear already picks up the very high-pitched keening that emanates from televisions and most computer monitors. A part of me welcomes the hearing loss that is sure to accompany old age.

I would have thought graham crackers were British in origin--or do they just call them biscuits or crisps or some such word? Not surprised about the s'mores, though. It's just the sort of cheap gooey treat that seems particularly American in its sugary, chemical excess. It's cool, though, that a s'more will only tolerate the lowest-grade ingredients; they're like the anti-saffron. Using fancy chocolate would really detract--only Hershey's will do. And is there even such thing as a gourmet marshmallow?

Brian

Hello,

Well, I guess it is surprising to see how many are here, especially in some of the weirdest places. I must confess, I've got a lucky cat in my apartment, although I now feel obliged to quest for the well-endowed woodchuck as well. I think I actually saw the aforementioned creature in a Japanese commercial (the most entertaining ads in the world) with Red Riding Hood or something. It was pretty vivid.

Actually, the Graham cracker was invented by someone named ??? Graham here in America in the late 1800s. It was part of the whole health boom that Kellogg was also involved with. And Smores, well it involves a large population of people camping in the great outdoors, hardly the image that comes to mind for Britain. It is neat that Smores are so anti-glamor, but that may change now that you can order them at Xando. But I do wonder if they sell Stay-Puft at Balducci's or if it's some special brand from France, preferably made in a cave by Trappist Monks. And I don't really want to think of what a gourmet Peep would be like.

Anyhow, I've started to write an article on Chocolate and Marshmallow cookies sold around the world. It looks like the USA was first with Moon Pies in 1917 and Mallomars in 1913. USA! USA! USA!

Yours,
Jake

Jake,

Sorry about the delay--I was out of town from Wednesday to Sunday and spent yesterday almost catching up to everything.

That Graham cracker-Kellogg connection is great. Did you ever read/see "The Road to wellville?" I confess that I only saw the movie, but it was really, really weird. Not a good movie, exactly, but certainly one that made you think. And it put you in mind of the days when people thought that routine enemas really were good for you. I have no idea how the logic, er, behind that one ever got off the ground.

Xando has s'mores? Sheesh.

Re: marshmallow/chocolate snacks--yeah, the US is way ahead of the Russkies on that one. It's pretty great that while Russia was having itself a revolution, we were creating Moon Pies. That's what it's all about. Incidentally, my girlfriend doesn't believe me when I tell her that Mallomars are out of season, even though I know this is true. I have challenged her to find them in any store; of course she cannot.

I haven't heard the USA! USA! USA! chant in years. It makes me laugh now because it reminds me of being in high school during the Gulf War. The town I grew up in, Ithaca, NY, is extremely liberal: it has its own currency and at elected a Communist mayor all during the 80s. You can imagine that during the G.W., the radical contingent was apoplectic and stages all kinds of protests. In retaliation, a whole bunch of frat boys from Cornell met them on the street and stages a pro-US rally, not because they believed in it (do college folks believe in anything?), but because they wanted to tick off the hippies. It worked--there was a small riot when the hippies attacked the college students. Apparently, it was the chant that did it.

Anyway, if you're not busy tonight, our band has another gig that I think I already told you about. It's at 9C. It looks like we'll be playing from about 8:30 to 10:30, and then another band--a very good country band, even if you don't like country--is following us. Should be a good time. I'll be the one with the green fiddle, if'n you decide to show up. Of course, if you don't, no hard feelings.

-Brian

Hello,

I still run into people on the streets around Washington Square Park telling me that routine enemas are good for me. Of course, the demographic has shifted somewhat (I think Kellogg would shrink away from the dreadlocked masses), but people still are into it. Me, I blame violent video games or the Internet. Maybe Napster. Sure, there's no real connection, but everybody else is doing it.

It's nice to see the United States was pioneering the brave new world of snackdom while Europe was still foundering around between wars. Now just Moon Pies and Mallomars, but Twinkies, Snowballs, Tasty Kakes, etc. It really is what it's all about. What's funny to me even further is that the British and Australian versions of the Moon Pie (called Wagon Wheels) both have a goofy Western theme out of 50s TV America (and really incongruous for Britain).

I too remember the Gulf War during high school. I actually grew up in Washington, DC, a mostly liberal town despite infusions of conservatives every few years. We had a crack-smoking mayor during the 80s (blah!), but he still seemed smarter than the President. Anyhoo, a friend and I went down to protest the Gulf War and march in a Protest March. We got a little bit confused and actually found ourselves at the front of the march, with veterans and war hawks spitting at us and shouting USA! USA! USA! over and over. It was rather surreal. After we attempted to exit that parade, we walked down a street into the front of another march of American Arabs protesting the war.

Sadly, I'm afraid I can't make it tonight. It seems I am hosting some friends for dinner, and I let the servants have the night off, so I think I'll have to cook. What would Julia Child do?

Yours,
Jake

Good God! I was reading over the thing I wrote yesterday and damned if I didn't break every rule of grammar we've got. Tense disagreement, dropped words--a disaster area. I want to blame it on the jet lag (I went to Amsterdam last week), or insanity, but really, I know I can only blame myself.

No worries about missing the gig. As it turns out, the places that we've played in have liked us enough that we're starting to get regular-like gigs with them. This means, eventually, that instead of having to announce every single gig we ever have, I can just send a monthly thing to people with the usual schedule. Also, it means that we can get back to practicing and actually learning some new stuff.

Not much else to report, since nothing much has happened between today and yesterday, although I did see Mallomars for sale at a corner deli... no, just kidding.

Brian

Brian,

It's okay. Them there rules of grammar 'twere made to be all broken I reckon. You still can carry yourself with pride as you walk down the street.

Yours,
Jake

Thankee. Right nice a ya to say so.