h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Your Bobness,

I saw your name and wanted to make a shamless plug for my entry about Rubber Gloves. I wondered if you had anything at all to say on the matter.

Sorry to have taken up so much of your time, your Bobness, and I promise never ever to bother you with such trivial matters again.

Yours Grovellingly
Sho (pretener to knowledge of rubber gloves)

Sorry Bobness, me again, obviously my full name actually is:

Sho (preTender to knowledge of Rubber Gloves)

Flaming hart to type wearing Marigolds, if you must know.

Sho

Ah, again I bother Your magnificent Bobness,

1. Flaming harD to type in Marigolds

2. http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A418574 try that for size.

Very cool.

You forgot to mention my favourite type of gloves though. These are surgical gloves. I'm not sure what they're made of (latex?) but they are very tight and filled with talcum powder. We use them in my chemistry and biology labs.
They inspired the title because they feel great on your hands for some twisted, fetishistic reason I think. The best thing to do is put one on and plunge your hand into a bucket of ice water. It feels really weird. You can also inflate them and put them on statues, ping them across the room (usually-by sod's law-landing in someones drink) and snap the on your wrist (like they do in ER.) Also if you touch your face with them on it feels like someone elses hand. Spooky.

PS. I do know what a U-bend is. Can you reverse park?

Ah, touching your face wearing a surgical glove (I did restrict the article to domestic gloves) feels like someone else? Reminds me of what soldiers say before a bout of... ah..... self gratification. They say "if you sit on your hand for half an hour it goes numb and "it" feels like someone else" Hmmmmmmmmm. Perhaps you should let them in on the secret!

Ah. I can reverse park. And I can apply make-up, eat toast, drink coffee, read the kids a story and drive to work all at the same time. And I've seen loads of accidents... can't think why!

It doesn't count as drink drving if you've had Vodka and Red Bull becsuse the caffiene keeps you awake. Yeah really. Maybe this is why I haven't passed my test yet?
I never mentioned anything about self-gratification! I know about it, I've been known to steal surgical gloves from my labs but it was YOU who actually said it!
I'm shocked.
I'm going to hide from the rude person and play with my gloves for a bit... and handcuffs... and feather boas... don't hope that I can't read your dark and nasty thoughts... it's my job and I enjoy it.

Bob

Oh your Bobness, I didn't mean to shock you. I was merely passing on comment I heard during my stint with what is laughingly called Military Intelligence. It was, sadly, our job to know these things.

Have fun with your... things!
Sho

What kind of Job did you do!!! (no pun intended)

I will enjoy my...things. I always do.

Have a nice (and rubbery) day.

Bob

Can't tell you or I'd have to snap on my rubber gloves and... Oh no, that was when I was part of the oldest profession and not the second oldest....

Ahem. Can't tell you! Although I wish I'd had some fluffy handcuffs handy (xcuse pun!)

Oh yeah! oh yeah!

Phew! First "and" second oldest proffesion...simultaniously. Very interesting image Sho. Very Interesting (quietly places on rubber glove.)

Oh and could you call me "your Bobness" again. It just sounds so cool. I am God.

Sorry I just get carried away sometimes (spot the Python quote.)

The Bobster

Just going through my old posts, your Bobness, and realised that I hadn't called you that in a while.

Please excuse your humble minion, your Bobness, I shall chastise myself severely.... or maybe not.

Sho
(why haven't we got a rubber glove smilie?)

Chastising yourself severely?

Sounds like fun. Can I help?

PS. Go to the smiley page and request a rubber glove, they may just listen. I'll back you up if needed. I'm already fighting for a squirrel smiley.

Rightey ho. Your Bobness...

Squirrel? Erk.