This is the Message Centre for Captain Itchy Brains
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Buff Started conversation May 11, 2000
I don't understand all those long words. Can you explain that again?
Just kidding
I get the same thing. I eventually gave up on trying to avoid stuff like: How are you, oh, fine, and you, all good. They are meaningless, but apparently it's impossible to start a conversation with something like: This package of process cheese food is impairing my ability to cope with life because its non-food nature conflicts with my need for actual food. People seem to need to gear up. So they ask lazy questions, gaurenteing that they will not have to think about the answers.
Oh, bye the way, welcome to h2g2. Someone more informative than I've been will show up eventually, and tell you lots of stuff you might need to know.
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Captain Itchy Brains Posted May 11, 2000
Thanks! and try Lactaid or some other manufactured enzyme for that cheese problem!
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Buff Posted May 12, 2000
You're welcome...
My problem, however, is not inability to digest dairy, but inability to digest cheese flavored plastic. (which is, as far as I can tell, what process cheese food is made of)
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Captain Itchy Brains Posted May 13, 2000
Of course! Sorry, I was a nip tired at the time. You're right, that would requre a completely different enzyme and I havn't the faintest idea what it would be or how you would go about obtaining it.
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Mouthnoise Posted May 13, 2000
The two of you are talking about advanced "Dairiplastosis". It's not a disease! It is a sign of health! Humans just aren't designed to digest lacto-petrochemicals.
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Buff Posted May 14, 2000
Exactly.
Plastic cheesy type substances are simply not a food group. Neither are pseudo-creamy fillings (like those found in Twinkies) or synthetic fruit flavored beverages.
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Captain Itchy Brains Posted May 15, 2000
Whoa ho! Coffee now! THAT is a REAL beverage, no? If only I had some nice fresh-ground Jamaican Blue-something-or-other coffee to ingest here at this precise moment in whatever this is a precise moment in. Ah!(I LOOOOV EEE interjections)yes!( IT's just like that song that used to be on Schoolhouse Rock in the mornings on Saturday just-post Scooby-Doo) Oh C'mon! you know what I mean!.....usually set apart from a sentence by an exclaimation point, or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong...so when you're happy-Hooray! or sad-Aww. Or frightened-Eeek! or Mad--Rats! Blah! Sorry, where was this headed? Ah, yes! Drunkeness. This is where I am now! Indulge me, please! Sorry about all the punctuation! Goodbye!
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Buff Posted May 15, 2000
Scooby...Scooby doobie doo, Where are you? Meddling kids! Conjunction Junction, what's your function? Knowing is half the battle. Defenders of the universe! Sword of Omens, Give me sight beyond sight! I'll get you, Gadget! We'll be riight back!
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Mouthnoise Posted May 16, 2000
Yo Smooth! What kind of retro-stream-of-consciousness-experiment is _this_?
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Buff Posted May 16, 2000
This is what happens when I get overtired and hit what my freinds call Stupid Hour and what everyone else calls getting slaphappy.
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Captain Itchy Brains Posted May 17, 2000
That is the best time to write or don't you think so? I'd like to hear some profound artistic diatribe from you whilst on your slaphappy 3am pill. Please! Visit often and sillily!
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Buff Posted May 18, 2000
Well, it's only 11:15pm, But I'll give it a whack...
Here's something...
Did you ever wonder why 24 hour convience stores are always hiring? My theory is that the employees are constantly being sucked into a gateway to hell that is in the milk cooler.
What's yours?
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Captain Itchy Brains Posted May 18, 2000
Pretty much the same theory except in MY universe it's the toaster that they go through. Willingly! Think about the hours of mindless tedium. I've always had this nasty suspicion about taosters and their evil suggestive metal/plastic coverings! They beckon....and coerce....They lure with the promise of rainbows and much,much more of whatever it is that has caused the observer/listener to become so suseptible to it's profferations in the first place(It's only 11:49 here). Anyway, I'm not certain if the recent 24-hour convenience store employees are happy there or not, I've never been. Don't think I havn't been tempted, I just havn't worked in a convenience store and therefor have not been subject to the intensity of stimulus-vaccum required to actually draw someone in. Maybe you know something I don't ? I hope so.
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Buff Posted May 19, 2000
I did make the mistake of working in one. Try very hard not to do the same. It was the most godawful job I ever had. After awhile, I found myself looking forward to going into the milk cooler, because staying in 45 degree tempratures for a long time was better than dealing with the customers. Ugh. Hated that job.
But toasters...
They whisper things like..."plug me in, and stick a fork in me...why don't you take me to the bath with you...want some toast, little child..."
Evil! Evil I tell you! Eeeviiill!
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- 1: Buff (May 11, 2000)
- 2: Captain Itchy Brains (May 11, 2000)
- 3: Buff (May 12, 2000)
- 4: Captain Itchy Brains (May 13, 2000)
- 5: Mouthnoise (May 13, 2000)
- 6: Buff (May 14, 2000)
- 7: Captain Itchy Brains (May 15, 2000)
- 8: Buff (May 15, 2000)
- 9: Mouthnoise (May 16, 2000)
- 10: Buff (May 16, 2000)
- 11: Captain Itchy Brains (May 17, 2000)
- 12: Buff (May 18, 2000)
- 13: Captain Itchy Brains (May 18, 2000)
- 14: Buff (May 19, 2000)
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